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Rid of My Disgrace: Hope and Healing for Victims of Sexual Assault Paperback – January 5, 2011

4.6 4.6 out of 5 stars 270 ratings

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The statistics are jarring. One in four women and one in six men are or will be victims of sexual assault in their lifetime. But as sobering as the statistics are, they don’t begin to speak to the darkness and grief experienced by these victims. Because sexual assault causes physical, psychological, emotional, and spiritual pain, victims need clear help, hope, and healing. In Rid of My Disgrace, a couple experienced in counseling victims of sexual assault explains how the grace of God can heal the broken and restore the disgraced.

Justin and Lindsey Holcomb outline an approach for moving from destruction to redemption. While avoiding platitudes and shallow theology, Rid of My Disgrace combines biblical and theological depth with up-to-date research. This book is primarily written for those who have been assaulted (either as children or adults) but also equips family, friends, pastors, and others to care for victims in ways that are compassionate, practical, and informed. Part of the Re:Lit series.

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Editorial Reviews

Review

“Careful research, lots of Scripture, and a demonstration that the work of Christ says ‘you are washed clean’ to those who feel like outcasts, which will speak to victims of sexual abuse.”
Edward T. Welch, Counselor and Faculty Member, Christian Counseling & Educational Foundation; author, I Have a Psychiatric Diagnosis: What Does the Bible Say?

“God sees, knows, heals, restores, and redeems. This is the message of hope this book offers, to all who have suffered from abuse. How desperately needed this message is in our culture today! In my interaction with teens and young adults, I have heard many stories of sexual abuse. I am so thrilled that there is a resource like this book that offers relevant, practical, biblical hope and healing words of life.”
Rebecca St. James, singer; author; actress

“Justin and Lindsey demonstrate a unique level of compassion and concern for victims of sexual assault and the hope for them for healing. The gentle and empathetic tone, along with a sincere belief that victims can experience healing, makes this book indispensable for both victims and those who care for them.”
Craig Groeschel, Pastor, Life.Church; author, Daily Power: 365 Days of Fuel for Your Soul

“The world―and too often the church―encourages victims of sexual assault to do more. Self-help advice just adds more layers of guilt and a sense of powerlessness. The authors of this excellent book have good news: literally, a gospel that answers our disgrace with the grace of God in Christ. For anyone who suffers from abuse―as well as those who minister to them―Rid of My Disgrace is powerful, healing medicine.”
Michael Horton, J. Gresham Machen Professor of Systematic Theology and Apologetics, Westminster Seminary California

“Where will you find a ‘Theology of the Victim’ from a Reformed theologian? You just found it. If you’ve been the victim of abuse, you won’t find yourself blamed in this book. You’ll find yourself embraced by the love of a God who meets you in your pain. This will be required reading for all of my students.”
Chuck DeGroat, Academic Dean, Newbigin House of Studies; Director, City Church Counseling Center

“Some books are easy to read, but this isn’t one of them. Its difficulty, however, is not a matter of style or prose but of substance. We don’t like thinking about sexual assault and abuse. We’d rather pretend they don’t exist. But the church can no longer afford to turn a blind eye to the extent of this problem or to ignore the devastation it brings to both body and soul. What makes this book so worthy of your attention, notwithstanding the discomfort it may cause you to feel, is the wealth of wisdom, gospel grace, and pastoral sensitivity that the Holcombs bring to bear on those affected by this experience. No matter how deep the pain or sense of loss endured by the victims of sexual assault, God’s healing grace and power are greater still. Highly recommended!”
Sam Storms, Founder and President, Enjoying God Ministries

“One can tell that the Holcombs have extensive experience working with victims of various kinds of assault because this book is so comprehensive in elucidating the types of healing necessary. Thoroughly researched, richly evangelical in theology, strongly assertive to deliver from blame and guilt, Rid of My Disgrace is heartily recommended for all who suffer from sexual exploitation.”
Marva J. Dawn, theologian; speaker; author, Being Well When We're Ill; In the Beginning GOD; and Talking the Walk

“As the President of Youth for Christ/USA, I am a first hand witness to thousands of lives that have been impacted and marred by sexual assault. Often the trauma is replaced by debilitating shame and despair. I was moved and inspired by the thoughtful, comprehensive and approachable way that Justin and Lindsey Holcomb unpack the power of grace. The pages of the book unwrap the gift of God, they unlock the shackles of guilt, and they unleash the Spirit of God to transform. Rid of My Disgrace is an important work, for a vital time, to a broken people. I praise God for the fruit that this book will produce.”
Dan Wolgemuth, President/CEO, Youth for Christ

“Written passionately from the agony that haunts victims, this book also offers a message of hope and healing. It is an invaluable resource for those who have been victimized and a must-read for family, friends, pastors, or counselors of victims to be equipped to serve and love them well.”
Jud Wilhite, author, Eyes Wide Open and Uncensored Grace; Senior Pastor, Central Christian Church, Las Vegas, Nevada

“This important book places the powder keg of gospel truth where it is most needed: on the frontline of pastoral ministry. A mixture of clear writing, real-life stories, and faithful Bible exposition makes this a powerful resource in the fight for redemption in the lives of those we are called to serve.”
Joel Virgo, Lead Pastor, Church of Christ the King, Brighton

“This is a sad and disturbing book. The ‘dark’ of it will keep you awake at night. But the ‘light’ will cause you to sing with joy and hope. What a gift to the church and to those who have felt the shame of sexual assault or who love those who have! Read it and give it to your friends. They will rise up and call you blessed! It is the best book I’ve ever read on the subject of abuse…and I’ve read a lot of them.”
Steve Brown, Host, Key Life radio program; author, Three Free Sins: God Isn't Mad At You

“This compelling, disturbing and hopeful book written from the perspective of the Christian faith, has the potential to be a lifeline for many who have experienced the horror of sexual violence.”
Rob Morris, President and cofounder, Love146

Rid of My Disgrace reminds victims of sexual assault that they are not alone and it is not the end of the story. From King David’s daughter Tamar to the courageous survivors telling their stories today, the Holcombs take sexual assault out of the shadows of shame and isolation and into the light of the gospel. With a solid grasp on both the effects of sexual assault and of redemptive history, the Holcombs thoroughly identify sexual assault and its aftermath while calling the reader to let even such a painful, hideous act be a part of their story of redemption through Christ’s sufficient work on the cross.”
Monica Taffinder, cofounder and counselor, Grace Clinic Christian Counseling

“This book helped us understand the painful emotions that go along with the particular suffering of sexual assault. But more than that, it showed us how to respond to our twelve-year-old son who was assaulted.”
Parents of a child victim

“I thought I had gotten over the abuses in my past―I had forgiven my abusers, stopped feeling like a victim, and felt like I was a stronger person. After reading Rid of My Disgrace, I realized there were still underlying issues I hadn’t dealt with that were preventing me from getting close to other people and, worst of all, preventing me from having a deeper relationship with God. Each chapter not only discussed each emotion that had been secretly weighing on me, but also showed me that those emotions don’t have to rule me. Jesus’ death and resurrection apply not only to my sins, but also to the burden of someone else’s sin against me. My identity is no longer as ‘damaged goods.’ It is ‘child of God’ and with that comes God’s unending love. I highly recommend this book for anyone who has experienced not only some form of sexual abuse, but other abuses as well.”
Adult female victim

About the Author

Lindsey A. Holcomb, MPH, is an award-winning author and an advocate for survivors of abuse. She and her husband, Justin, are coauthors of God Made All of MeGod Made Me in His Image, and Is It My Fault?. Lindsey has provided crisis intervention to survivors of sexual assault, domestic violence, and sex-trafficking, and she conducts a variety of training seminars to service providers. Lindsey was a cofounder of REST (Real Escape from the Sex Trade).
 
Justin S. Holcomb, PhD, is an award-winning author, seminary professor, and minister. He and his wife, Lindsey, are authors of God Made All of MeGod Made Me in His Image, and Is It My Fault?. Justin has also written or edited numerous books, including God With UsKnow the HereticsKnow the Creeds and Councils, and On the Grace of God. He serves on the board of GRACE (Godly Response to Abuse in Christian Environments).
 

Product details

  • ASIN ‏ : ‎ 1433515989
  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Crossway (January 5, 2011)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 288 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 9781433515989
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1433515989
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 2.31 pounds
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.5 x 0.53 x 8.5 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.6 4.6 out of 5 stars 270 ratings

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Customer reviews

4.6 out of 5 stars
270 global ratings

Customers say

Customers find the book insightful, powerful, and healing. They describe it as a good primer for spiritual caregivers. Readers also find it real and honest. They say the book is easy to understand and concise. Opinions are mixed on the tenderness, with some finding it appreciated and a balance of tenderness and truth, while others say it can evoke unpleasant memories.

AI-generated from the text of customer reviews

43 customers mention "Insight"43 positive0 negative

Customers find the book's insight excellent for those counseling people who have suffered through the shame and agony of sexual assault. They say it covers a difficult topic with wisdom and grace. Readers also mention the book includes powerful testimonies of people who've suffered terrible injustices. They also say it guides the reader to hope and truth.

"...Third, Rid Of My Disgrace is gospel-centered and immensely practical. The foundation for healing from the first pages is the gospel...." Read more

"...But each story is followed up with clear Biblical teaching and easy to understand applications for the the reader to grasp...." Read more

"This book is a great resource for those dealing with abuse personally and professionally...." Read more

"...on their journeys towards healing from sexual assault...as it does offer great insight....and at least from my experience, accuracy on the whole,..." Read more

4 customers mention "Authenticity"4 positive0 negative

Customers find the book very real and honest.

"...Justin and Lindsey Holcomb have crafted a fine piece of work that is honest, transparent, and accurately unpacks the baggage that tragically has..." Read more

"...I definitely shed tears reading this. Rid My Disgrace, is very real and honest...." Read more

"...Rid of My disGRACE is candid, honest and shines a bright light on the ugliness of sexual assault...." Read more

"...This book is gospel saturated and honest." Read more

4 customers mention "Ease of understanding"4 positive0 negative

Customers find the book easy to understand and concise. They say it gets to the heart of the matter.

"...story is followed up with clear Biblical teaching and easy to understand applications for the the reader to grasp...." Read more

"I have already recommended this book to many of my friends. It is easy to understand yet chalked full of well researched information...." Read more

"...It is concise and helpful for understanding the meanings behind the emotions experienced following such trauma, and then it outlines where hope can..." Read more

"...also amazing. I find it easy to understand and feel they get to the heart of the issues one deals with in the aftermath of sexual abuse...." Read more

3 customers mention "Sexual content"3 positive0 negative

Customers find the book's sexual content to be good. They say it covers all types of sexual abuse and addresses sexual assault in the Bible. Readers also appreciate the definition of abuse and insight into the emotions experienced.

"...I also love the way it addresses sexual assault in the Bible...." Read more

"...Rid My Disgrace, is very real and honest. It defines abuse, gives insight into the emotions experienced, deals with tough issues like forgiveness,..." Read more

"...It is a cross section of all types of sexual abuse...." Read more

5 customers mention "Tenderness"2 positive3 negative

Customers have mixed opinions about the tenderness of the book. Some appreciate it and say it has a good balance of tenderness and truth. However, others say the emotional topic is hard and can evoke unpleasant memories.

"...a good book, but there is some explicit content, so it can evoke some unpleasant memories...." Read more

"I appreciate the tenderness of the book and how they seek to comfort those who have gone through sexual assaults...." Read more

"...I've been able to discuss my issues more with people. Very hard emotional topic I pray for everyone dealing with similar issues." Read more

"Tender, compassionate, thorough treatment of sexual abuse. A must for survivors and those who love them..." Read more

Top reviews from the United States

Reviewed in the United States on January 30, 2011
This review first appeared at TGC Reviews  , an online publication of The Gospel Coalition.

In a fallen world where unspeakable evil occurs, the church must be a place that shines the hope of the gospel into the darkness. One dark corner of our world is sexual assault. The statistics are astonishing. One in four women and one in six men have been or will be victims of sexual assault. The effects are horrific. And the world is not short of remedies: self-help, self-love, and self-heal. Unfortunately for the victims, these answers are "horrible news."

Justin Holcomb, a pastor at Mars Hill Church in Seattle, Washington, and his wife, Lindsey Holcomb, equip the church to rise and meet the challenge of helping victims of sexual assault, not by the empty hope of self-help, but by grace, redemption, and restoration in the glorious gospel of Jesus Christ.

Let me be up front with the matter. I really liked this book. Pastors should read it, and victims of abuse will be encouraged by the authors' honesty and care. So to briefly comment on the book's content and its usefulness to pastors, counselors, and victims, let me give four brief reflections on its value to the local church's ministry to the afflicted.

First, Rid Of My Disgrace deals honestly and directly with sexual assault. It presents a clear and full definition, giving victims, churches and pastors clarity on what constitutes sexual assault. They describe in vivid detail numerous effects the assault brings upon a person. Victims will feel like they are not alone, while pastors and counselors will have an invaluable resource for learning what is going on inside the victim when their own words cannot express the inner turmoil. We need an honest and direct book because "surveys and studies indicate that most people know almost nothing about the dynamics of sexual violence and have little or no experience in dealing with it."

Second, Rid of My Disgrace displays the prevalence of sexual assault and its effect on the victims. "One in four women and one in six men will be sexually assaulted at some point in their lifetime. These statistics are probably underestimates . . . every two minutes someone in the United States is sexually assaulted." These numbers are overwhelmingly high, even considering the problem of under-reporting, and it knows no boundaries of "color, race, religion, nationality, lifestyle, sexual preference, education, class, occupation, ability, or disability." No matter where we live or minister, there are hurting people all around us, even on Sunday mornings.

The only thing more sobering than the numbers is its effect. Sexual assault can affect every aspect of your life: "your faith, your daily attitudes and emotions, your-self image, your relationships, and your sexuality." Our churches, along with their pastors, ministers, staffs, and volunteers, can discover new avenues for gospel proclamation and transformation if we can begin to grasp the prevalence of sexual assault and its devastating effects.

Third, Rid Of My Disgrace is gospel-centered and immensely practical. The foundation for healing from the first pages is the gospel. The Holcombs never stop returning to it, continually pointing people to the grace found in Christ alone. God's way of redeeming his people was through Christ's suffering on the cross, but the cross is also where our disgrace is transformed. This a practical theology of grace applied to the disgraceful experiences and effects of sexual assault. Our counseling ministry will have this book on hand and will be used in our training seminars classes.

Fourth, God is glorified in every chapter. One of the phrases you hear at Mars Hill Church is "It's all about Jesus," and this book is no exception, as Jesus is exalted on every page. God's grace, his "one-way, unconditional love expressed through, and founded on, the person and redemptive work of Jesus Christ" is marveled at from cover to cover. Even if you have never been sexually assaulted or have never ministered to someone who has, this book will cause you to contemplate the depths of the riches of the grace of God in the person and work of Jesus.

Sin is devastating. Maybe more than we realize most days. But the wretched nature of sexual assault gives us a glimpse of sin's deep darkness. However, the Holcombs show that even if sin goes deeper than you could ever imagine, God's grace goes deeper still.
49 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on January 30, 2011
This is a well prepared book by Justin and Lindsey. The book has a multiple audience. It is definitely for those who are in a struggle to overcome the sexual improprieties of their past - but it is also an important book for those who minister to or counsel this group of people. I have been a Pastor for almost 30 years and have found this book the best, biblical based treatment of the problem. The 1st part of the book is especially helpful for those reading it who intend to be counselors of various kinds toward sexually abused men and women. We have a very active counseling ministry at our church and this book will become a guide for them to be even more helpful than they have in the past. The book also alerts those who may not know just how large an issue this is. The statistic that is most helpful is that 1 in 4 women have been raped and 1 in 6 men have been sexually abused. The authors then suggest that this is one of the most unreported crimes in the United States at least. I have a friend in law enforcement who deals directly with these sorts of crimes and he says definitely the statistics are very understated. That means that those of us who deal with larger audiences (congregations) are speaking to many men and women who need to hear this message and know where they can get help. I am promoting the purchase of this book as often as I can. I also appreciate the solutions the book offers. The series of stories by people who have been abused are heart-wrenching. I have been brought to tears reading them. But each story is followed up with clear Biblical teaching and easy to understand applications for the the reader to grasp. I am not aware of any other book that could compete with the way this book handles the problem and solutions. Anyone who reads this book will be given the information they need to help others or be helped and most important - the reader will understand how large a problem sexual violence is in our society (in our churches) today.
21 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on April 7, 2024
This book is a great resource for those dealing with abuse personally and professionally. It gives great insight into the correlation between grace and abuse. It’s encouraging and well documented.
Reviewed in the United States on April 18, 2013
I am one of the people this book was written for. Every person is different. Every person's particular assault will be different. And every person is at a different place in their walk with Christ. That being said, no one book will speak to every person. When I first was seeking help and trying to heal from my assaults I was handed book after book of stories about other women who have suffered assaults, too. Not a single book helped me but succeeded only in making me feel worse. I didn't need to hear how OTHER people were assaulted or found their way to healing. I didn't need to hear their questions or feelings...I had enough of my own to worry about. What I needed was something else. This book helped me see several things differently. I will not go into details as to how this book did and did not help me...because chances are you are different from me and will need different things than I do on your road to healing. I did give this book to my pastor and told him that it would be a great resource for him to read as he counsels women on their journeys towards healing from sexual assault...as it does offer great insight....and at least from my experience, accuracy on the whole, about how those of us who have lived through sexual assaults see things. Does this book heal the brokenness that sexual assault brings? Of course not...only God can truly do that. This book did help me put into perspective a little more, though, how to rely on God to guide me towards the healing I long for. And it gave me hope that in the end, I will be able to use my journey towards healing to somehow Glorify him.
On a side note...I just want to say that it is absolutely wrong for people to give negative...and even scathing reviews for an obviously faith based book because they have chapters or themes that focus on God and faith.
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Top reviews from other countries

cosmos kart
5.0 out of 5 stars Insightful, Spiritual healing.
Reviewed in Canada on July 10, 2017
Extremely helpful for understanding and working through abuse from a biblical perspective. This book aides real healing.
JGomez
5.0 out of 5 stars Fantastic book!
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on October 5, 2013
This book is a great book to help victims of sexual assault. It counters common feelings felt by victims and gives a hope for them. The book is very honest and extremely well informed. There are a number of great books on this subject
One person found this helpful
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SARAH
5.0 out of 5 stars Loved it. I have a hard time with reading ...
Reviewed in Canada on June 25, 2015
Loved it. I have a hard time with reading but finished this in a week. Finally a realistic perspective on such a heavy topic
charliemouse
5.0 out of 5 stars This is an easy to read
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on January 28, 2015
This is an easy to read, insightful, revelationary book that I cannot recommend highly enough for anyone who works with / prays with / meets with people who have suffered sexual abuse. Cannot recommend it highly enough.
2 people found this helpful
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C Martens
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
Reviewed in Canada on January 12, 2018
Good