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I'm Right, You're Wrong, Now What?: Break the Impasse and Get What You Need Hardcover – May 13, 2008

4.7 out of 5 stars 20 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

Review

"This will be an invaluable tool for anyone who wants to get past 'I'm right and you're wrong!'"―Gerry Spence, trial lawyer and author of the New York Times best seller How to Argue and Win Every Time

"With this book, you can learn to win those arguments and find the best way to move forward without burning bridges."―Jeffrey J. Fox, author of HOW TO BECOME A RAINMAKER and HOW TO BECOME CEO

"The book is a practical guide to working around and through problems that is useful on many different levels."―Robert P. Finn, Woodrow Wilson School of Public and International Affairs, Princeton University, and past U.S. Ambassador to Afghanistan

"It's hard to imagine anyone who couldn't benefit from this practical and empowering guide to making your relationships better."―Robert L. Leahy, Ph.D., author of The Worry Cure: Seven Steps to Stop Worry from Stopping You, and President, International Association for Cognitive Psychotherapy

About the Author

Dr. Xavier Amador is an adjunct professor in clinical psychology at Teacher's College, Columbia University in New York City and is on the Board of Directors of the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill (NAMI). A clinical psychologist who treats adults, children, and adolescents in individual, couples and family therapy, he has also been called upon to serve as a forensic expert on such high profile cases as the Unabomber, the Capitol Shooter, Elizabeth Smart, and the Twentieth Hijacker, among others. He is called upon frequently by the media, and has published over 100 peer-reviewed scientific papers. He lives in New York.
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Product Details

  • Hardcover: 256 pages
  • Publisher: Hachette Books (April 1, 2008)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1401303463
  • ISBN-13: 978-1401303464
  • Product Dimensions: 6.1 x 9.2 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.8 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (20 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #633,515 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
I was surprised to find that I'M RIGHT, YOU'RE WRONG, showed me as much about my thinking processes as it did the person diagnosed with mental illness. I purchased this book because I was motivated to help my relative. But in the process we are both learning better communication and I'm learning to unpack my assumptions, judgments, etc.. (Xavier Amador writes, clearly, from his unique experience as a family member and a professional counselor.)
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Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
This is helpful material, well-presented. It has the potential to transform your relationships if you will apply it.

Not a quick read and put it down kind of book. More read here, read there, think about it, try it out, read some more kind of book.

In particular I like that Amador gives detailed examples of a variety of situations where the techniques are actually used, such as a couple discussing whether to move the family for a job opportunity, grown sisters negotiating over when to schedule a family reunion, and handling conflict on the phone with a hospital nurse who cites privacy laws in refusing to provide critical medical info about the author's mother. These examples help me project the LEAP technique into my own life.
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Format: Hardcover
This is a wonderful book. It is so well-written. I recommend it regularly. It has changed my life. It is assertiveness training for the real world. Amador is clear, specific, and encouraging. A practical guide to improving transactions in business and personal arenas. When you use these techniques, you'll feel wonderful about yourself. A winning read.
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Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
Really helps you understand how we get into impasses with each other and are unable to move forward. He explains how, what, and why, giving good examples with how to think about the problem and what to say and what not to say. He helps you understand how to turn the person you're having the argument with from an adversary back into a friend or partner. Great book!
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Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
This is a great book that really helps you put the fight into perspective. I used it when I was meeting when having an on going problem with someone and it really helped me to keep my cool the other person was annoyed at the fact that I was focusing on the problem and not on them. I love this book there is some great eye opening information that can be applied immediately,Bravo Xavier Amador!!!!
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Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
With families going through the issue to get their loved one into Recovery this book outlines the process. An upcoming process called CRAFT (Community Reinforcement and Family Training) learning compassion, empathy, how to properly approach the loved one with the learned addictive behavior and realize your own learned behavioral changes that have occurred and how to deal with them as well. Bottom line... IT WIRKS!
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Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
The premise of the LEAP method is deceptively simple: Listen to be listened to. It is however, (and maybe because its simplicity) extremely effective. In fact the sole exercise of training oneself for practicing LEAP, is already a very insightful process, that reveals how much we contribute to undermine our position, when we insist on wanting to hear those works "you are right".

Amador's friendly and clear writing style is in large part what makes this book so effective and so accessible.

Great reading for anyone who is confronting impasses, or even dealing with love ones with mental illness.
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Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
If you are stuck in a situation trying to make sense out of the behavior of a loved one afflicted with this illness; unable to enter into or maintain participation in a treatment program, and are totally at a loss of what to do, then this book is a godsend.

It is written by a psychologist who has personal experience in the matter; having dealt with a brother so afflicted for 25 years. The book describes a method for reaching out to the patient, and slowly convincing him or her to stick with the medication, and even, over time, develop increasing insight and awareness as to their own condition.

If what you have just read makes sense to you, this book is a must-read. It will improve the situation, or even help you to understand one that has already passed. This is a very sad and difficult illness to deal with, for in most cases the person so afflicted has no idea whatsoever that anything is wrong with them. I guarantee that this book will help.
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