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About Rob Dircks
Rob Dircks is the #1 Audible bestselling author of You're Going to Mars!, the Where the Hell is Tesla? series, The Wrong Unit, and more (including the anti-self-help book Unleash the Sloth! 75 Ways to Reach Your Maximum Potential By Doing Less). He's also got a drawerful of screenplays and short stories, some of which appear on his original audio sci-fi short story podcast, Listen To The Signal, which he narrates.
Rob's a member of SFWA (Science Fiction & Fantasy Writers of America), and is a big fan of classic science fiction. When not writing, he's helping other authors publish their own work with Goldfinch Publishing, writing and designing for the award-winning ad agency he owns with his brother (appropriately called Dircks Associates), and generally doing what he calls "sampling": video production, audio production, app development, photography, guitar, reading, cooking. (Note the absence of the phrases "going to the gym" and "running iron-man triathalons.") He lives in New York with his wife and two kids. You can get in touch at robdircks.com.
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Titles By Rob Dircks
CHIP’S OFFICIAL DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction: the events depicted in the collection of emails did not happen. I have never been in contact with a covert government group attempting to suppress knowledge of the lost journal of Nikola Tesla. I have not been threatened with death if I divulge the secrets contained inside. They did not buy me this handsome jacket (oh crap, you’re reading this – trust me, it looks great on me). They did not come to my place, and liquor me up, and offer to publish this book as a sci-fi comedy novel to throw the public off the trail of the real truth.
Or did they?
I’m kidding. Of course they didn’t.
Or did they?
God, I can’t keep my big mouth shut.
Where the Hell is Tesla? has been compared to Terry Pratchett (the Discworld Series), Douglas Adams' Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, and even Kurt Vonnegut (I know, that last one is probably a stretch.)
Praise for Where the Hell is Tesla?
“If Bill and Ted were approaching middle age (and gotten just this much more world weary along the way), then went on an Even More Excellent Science Fact Adventure, you might get something like Rob Dircks’ debut novel, Where the Hell is Telsa? Smart, funny, and just like its titular scientist, impressively inventive, this is a must-read for anyone who aced science and, even more so, for those of us who didn’t. Which means, quite simply, it’s a book for everyone.”
– Michael Zam, Screenwriting Professor, NYU
“Reminds me of Vonnegut. Yeah, I said that.”
– Ruth Sinanian, Connoisseur of Fine Literature
“An extraordinarily unexpected delight… will appeal to fans of Pratchett and Adams.”
“A wild, witty wonderful ride through a historically accurate backdrop. You will laugh, it’s not dumb humor but very smart.”
“Very entertaining and a great homage to a great scientist. If you’re looking to laugh out loud while reading, then this is the book for you.”
“I was laughing at times and on the edge of my seat other times. The character of Chip is wonderful.”
“I advise all readers to not attempt to read this before bed or a nap thinking you will read just one chapter. You won't and you can’t!”
Listen, having kids is great, my little Gigi Collins and Pete’s daughter Hannah are sweet little fluffs of cotton candy, spun from the silk of fairy spiders who live in the clouds. But MAN, can they cause trouble. Seriously, you’d think a two-year-old couldn’t possibly threaten the very existence of our physical reality, but, well, you know where this is going.
So join me and Pete, and Bobo, and of course the man himself, Nikola Tesla, on another spine-tingling, bowel-loosening thrill ride, and remember: bring your adult diapers.
WARNING: If you haven’t read Where the Hell is Tesla? and Don’t Touch the Blue Stuff! (Where the Hell is Tesla? Book 2), I apologize in advance, as you might get completely freaking lost. If you do, just call my apartment, if I’m not watching Gigi I’ll try to pick up the phone, and I’ll fill you in. (Assuming our physical reality still exists.) – Chip
Hi, Rob Dircks here. I'm the Audible bestselling author of Where the Hell is Tesla?, and I've been writing and narrating these stories since 2016 on my podcast, Listen To The Signal. But now I've made them available ONLY here in this book. They include: Dakō • Today I Invented Time Travel • End Game • November 8, 2016 • Quick Fix • Horatio Breathed His Last • Purgatory • Out of the Blue • Tick Tick Tick • Rose • Red Parka • Bloop • Their DNA Was No Longer the Same • The Last One • Mister Personality • Christmas in Silver Peak.
Back when I started this project, I was thinking what the heck, writing some short stories will keep me fresh, let me try things I might not try otherwise, act as a sort-of sketch book of my story ideas: the funny, the weird, the scary, the sappy, and sometimes all of that mashed up together. Well, two years later, I had no idea how proud I would be of this body of work, and how genuinely psyched I am to be sharing these stories with you in this format. I probably shouldn’t pump up the hype too much, and let you decide on your own, but man, going through these again for production, I felt like a proud papa, gathering up all my little babies, or like I was collecting a bag of gems.
Wow, I just wrote “bag of gems” in all seriousness, like it’s a totally everyday phrase, like I might find myself out on horseback in some medieval European country and have the need to reach into my little leather sack for a gem to purchase an entire village.
Anyway, it feels like a bag of gems to me, and I hope it does to you, too.
P.S. Your enjoyment of these short stories doesn't end with this book! I’ll continue to write more and publish them first free on the Listen To The Signal podcast, I try to do one a month (but you know how that goes). And if you’d like to be reminded when they come out, you can sign up for my very occasional and not-at-all spammy email newsletter at ListenToTheSignal.com or RobDircks.com.
P.P.S. The introduction music and some of the individual story music snippets were composed and performed by Danny Greenlees, and used with his permission. You can find his music at zebfrinar.bandcamp.com.
The Audible Original is now available in ebook and paperback!
Living and slaving in Fill City One, you get used to the smell. We call it the Everpresent Stink. But every once in a while, on a spring day with a breeze, it clears away enough to remind us that there is something more out there. Most Fillers' wildest dreams would be just to get past the walls and live in the mainland. But my dream? It's a little bigger.
I'm going to Mars.
Well, I'm only going to Mars if I can find a winning Red Scarab to get on Zach Larson's crazy reality show. And then I'll have to figure out how to escape this hellhole. And then compete on live television for three months. And somehow win a spot on the crew of the very first manned mission to Mars. Oh, and one more slight obstacle? There might be a reason that by 2085 a human still hasn't set foot on the Red Planet. A dangerous reason. A reason worth killing for.
In You're Going to Mars! Rob Dircks, Audible best-selling author of Where the Hell Is Tesla?, creates a near-future filled with family (the good kind and the insufferable kind), pop divas, mobsters, and the world's first trillionaire - and sends them all on a science fiction odyssey/comedy/love story/adventure that will change their world forever.
An Autonomous Servile Unit, housed in a mobile/bipedal chassis. I do my job well: keep the humans healthy and happy.
Heyoo. That’s my name, I suppose. It’s easier for the humans to remember than 413s98-itr8. I guess I’ve gotten used to it.
Rob Dircks, bestselling author of Where the Hell is Tesla?, has a “unit” with a problem: how to deliver his package, out in the middle of nowhere, with nothing to guide him. Oh, and with the fate of humanity hanging in the balance. It’s a science fiction tale of technology gone haywire, unlikely heroes, and the nature of humanity. (Woah. That last part sounds deep. Don’t worry, it’s not.)
This heartwarming science fiction comedy has been placed on the "Listens You Love" sale list, garnering a 4.6-star average.
SOMETHING CALLED THE “BLUE JUICE” IS COMING. FOR ALL OF US.
Luckily, me (Chip Collins), Pete, Nikola Tesla, Bobo, and FBI Agent Gina Phillips are here to kick its ass, and send it back to last Tuesday. Maybe. Or maybe we’ll fail, and everyone in the multiverse is doomed. (Seriously, you might want to get that underground bunker ready.) Either way, I’ve got to get home to Julie and find out… woah, I’m not about to tell you that right here in the book description! TMI.
WARNING: If you haven’t read Where the Hell is Tesla?, I apologize in advance, as you might get completely freaking lost. If you do, just call my apartment, I’m usually around, and I’ll fill you in.
(If I’m not stuck in the ITA.) – Chip
If you've got a young one just learning their A-B-Cs, or a grandkid that's too excited to go to sleep, this little gem of a book is the perfect thing. With a simple, playful adventure, and soothing, repetitive rhymes, your little one will be reciting along with the alphabet, and before you know it, drifting off to sleep.
It sounds like a paradox, I know. But just look at the mighty sloth, who makes no excuses for who he is – and becomes everything he needs to be.
And now it’s your turn. Take a nap instead of mowing the lawn. Save yourself a few steps and jaywalk. Save yourself a few pen strokes and replace your signature with an X. Make life easier, and you’ll find that you’ll be just as lovable, productive or unproductive as you would’ve been anyway – but without all the unecessary stress and guilt. Now THAT’S what I call reaching your potential!