Roza Lewanowicz

Something went wrong. Please try your request again later.
Follow to get new release updates and improved recommendations
OK
About Roza Lewanowicz
Novelist, essayist, but also copywriter and very experienced technical writer.
On daily basis, struggling with mental health problems, coping mostly by writing and sharing thoughts. Relentless in trying to understand why some people take their own lives.
Handicraft lover and aspiring milliner.
On daily basis, struggling with mental health problems, coping mostly by writing and sharing thoughts. Relentless in trying to understand why some people take their own lives.
Handicraft lover and aspiring milliner.
Customers Also Bought Items By
Are you an author?
Help us improve our Author Pages by updating your bibliography and submitting a new or current image and biography.
1 11 1
Author Updates
-
-
Blog postI have been observing this drama for some time, perhaps six or so months. I only started my research with regards to Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and everything that was related to this topic interested me very much. I don't know what was first exactly: some blog posts, or maybe I was checking specific hashtags on Twitter. Nevertheless, I've learned that some people find Meghan Markle an NPD person. So, since I was regularly updated, current events didn't shock me, not as much as they shoc1 year ago Read more
-
Blog postA brand new novel, now available on Amazon:
Kasia, a 33-year-old woman suffering from bipolar disorder, is leaving the psychiatric hospital. She promises herself to make an order in her unstable so far life. Also, she takes a new drug, which allows her to think about the future in slightly brighter colors. She returns to Warsaw, and after the first unpleasant events, she manages to find a job and kind people who offer her a helping hand. However, despite these hopes and improving well-bein1 year ago Read more -
Blog postDependency mode I wrote about stands on a stabile ground of conviction that whatever I do or say must be assessed by someone else. It's only some other people who can give us the right to undertake certain actions, and, what is worse, to live in general. We seldom ask the question who gave this right to them and rarely asked us why we gave it away. But these are the fundamental issues of ours.
It is a matter of mindset - we are led by some thoughts that impact our bodies, emotions, a1 year ago Read more -
Blog postNarcs lie for one particular reason - to create the reality in which all the deeds of theirs are justified.
They don't know one thing, though. They are not able to comprehend their faults and sins because of pain that devours them from inside as if admitting they did something wrong might cause even more hurt. Of course, that's not the truth.
I am far from defending people with NPD, for most of them are who they became as adults due to their own choices (or lack of choices). Bu1 year ago Read more -
Blog postWhy do the narcs need followers? They don't exist without fans around them; they crave the limelight as other humans need oxygen.
The mechanism is simple - people who don't have a conscience still need someone who'd back their actions. People who hate themselves seek 'love' somewhere else. The last thing you can tell about narcs is that they are independent persons. And don't be fooled by how they ghost or discard others - finding new followers (better looking, wealthier ones) is easy as a1 year ago Read more -
Blog postYou may have a narcissistic wound, yet you don't have to become a narc. But if you won't seek help, this wound will turn your life into the nightmare, and, eventually, it may lead you to suicidal death. This is what happened to me. Thank God, I didn't kill myself, and for the first time in my life, I don't want to die (since I was six to be exact), but I live with the trauma that paints my reality in very dark shades.
Yes, I believe that narcs and suicides are two sides of the same c1 year ago Read more -
Blog postIf you were not loved by anyone, you feel like you are drowning. All the time.
The pain comes back one time by another, and you have no way to escape it because the only cure is being loved by someone significant.
This is how we were created - we must experience love; otherwise, our life is unbearable.
I've learned to provide good things for myself, which is very helpful. There are moments of my existence that are too hard, though, and I need to acquire the ab1 year ago Read more -
Blog postLet's talk about suicide. My suicide.
The only attempt in my life I desperately wanted to forget about.
But forgetting doesn't change anything because the problem comes back, though it is masked and hidden behind some substitute. The reason it always haunts me is simple: I have never faced the direct cause.
Silence days.
This is how my non-mother was 'punishing' me, God alone knows what for. Suddenly, her mood changed, and she stopped talking to me. I co1 year ago Read more -
Blog post[This post contains spoilers]
'Ad Astra' movie is not a killer as 'Joker' is. It is also a good piece of work, though. I found many negative opinions about it on the Polish internet; the viewers seem to be disappointed as if they have expected something else. Well, I didn't expect anything. I just wanted to spend last Sunday evening at the cinema, and the film about space travel is always the right choice for me. I received more than anticipated.
To be honest, the subject of this mov2 years ago Read more -
Blog post[This is not a movie review. It's my personal opinion and feelings after watching 'Joker' in the cinema. The post contains spoilers.]
Loud silence
Five hundred people filled the cinema on Sunday evening. Five hundred young craved for good entertainment people ready for consumption of tons of pop-corn and gallons of cola. I was terrified. First, crowds make me feel uncomfortable. Second, I hate the sound of crunching and chewing, along with this specific smell. But for almost two hour2 years ago Read more -
Blog postBeing a child of a parent who is narcissistic sadist is something awful. But the much worse situation is when one is a member of a narcissistic family. It's not so rare, and the people who are aware that there is something wrong with their clan are in very complicated circumstances. They have two options - stay with the family or run away. The first alternative means they probably won't have the chance to heal their wounds, to be themselves, to live a healthy life, full of love and happiness. If2 years ago Read more
-
Blog postThe biggest paradox of people who were not loved by their mothers (and they are not aware of this fact) is that they never become fully independent human beings. It's not only about being immature. It's about being a part of somebody else's body and mind. And this is the main reason these people deny anything bad happened to them from the hand of the mother. Admitting that the beloved mom, this fantastic person, contemporary saint, is, in fact, the merciless abuser is something beyond their abil2 years ago Read more
-
Blog postSo how does the fact that you had the non-parent similar to my non-mother impact your life?
Just imagine this: you were a victim - abused, sometimes 'used', neglected, maybe beaten - but you grew up without knowing the truth; you are convinced that the person who loved you the most couldn't be your abuser; you don't connect your problems with mental health or addictions to the possibility that you were not loved whatsoever and that you live in tremendous lie, backed by the family, so2 years ago Read more -
Blog postIt is hard to accept that the person you love the most hurts you. We try to 'protect' ourselves from this fact so we are finding millions of reasons why he or she is doing so. These reasons are supposed to protect the beloved one, to explain why he or she treats us like that, to justify his or her deeds. And the last thing we want to think about is that this very person makes us harm because he or she finds the ultimate pleasure in it.
That's right - pleasure.
Not so long2 years ago Read more -
Blog postWhy is it so hard to accept that there are mothers who don't love their children? Why this fact is so inconvenient for most people? As if telling it loudly was something awful.
Well, the awful truth is there are bad or even evil mothers but the worse thing is being silent about it. Silence makes the following generations have no chance to live a better life, for the lack of true mother's love impacts the quality of life in the whole society. Just as one priest told me: the world is s2 years ago Read more -
Blog postOne of the biggest milestones on my way to recovery (which still is an ongoing process) was the discovery that my non-mother simply hates me to the bone. It took me so many years to accept this obvious fact because of at least four reasons. First, Stockholm syndrome. Second, her constant lies, so common among narcs. Third, social discourse. Fourth, so-called religious upbringing.
But, since I came to this realization, I started asking myself a plain question: WHY? And again, I fell i2 years ago Read more -
Blog postJust as I didn't know that my non-mother and other people around me (responsible for me at a certain time) are NPDs, I wasn't either aware that I myself struggle with Complex PTSD (cPTSD) which for instance is not being diagnosed let alone treated in Poland's psychiatric facilities. As I mentioned, no therapist wanted to listen about how the woman who gave birth to me was abusing me since the beginning of my life. My stories are not only beyond their poor medical experience but also beyond socia2 years ago Read more
-
Blog postI wrote:"(...)in most cases of 'mental health issues', the problem is that we are stuck in our NPD non-parents' or caregivers' minds."
As we can read in the blog of Dr. Linda Martinez-Lewi (the Person whose work, along with late Alice Miller's books, saved my life):
"Many victims of narcissistic parents are haunted by feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness as a result of innumerable verbal assaults on them as children and adults." LINK
Inadequacy and unwort2 years ago Read more -
Blog postI was not aware that, all the time, I was writing about NPDs (Narcissistic Personality Disorder). My mother is NPD, whole her family is NPD, the men I loved are NPDs, most of my teachers were NPDs (this is a real misfortune that even at school, I was surrounded by them), my bosses and colleagues were NPDs. I published "Guide for (Ultimate) Losers," and I was completely unaware that I am referring to this kind of 'personality' in it.
This very discovery helped much more than2 years ago Read more -
Blog postThe memory is a key to mental health. Only those people and the nations who remember their past - and do not deny it no matter how bad it was - have the chance to be completely sane. That's why the movie "Maze Runner" is the best allegory of what exactly mental disease is.
If you didn't see it, spoiler alert.
Becoming a member of the group living inside of the Maze is something scary. Everything is scary, just like while being mentally ill. You don't know wh2 years ago Read more -
Blog postThere is this huge common misconception among 'healthy' people that mental illnesses are incurable. As a result, they seem to demand from ill persons to behave and think in a certain way. Shrinks express such opinions loudly and without any shade of shame. Others just signalize these expectations in a more concealed way.
Many doctors and therapists, once the diagnosis is announced, list the things the patient should do or think and, above all, they say that this is "for the rest2 years ago Read more -
Blog postNobody knew how I was spending Sunday morning. But it was awesome. The fact that I wasn't noticed didn't spoil my mood. For some time, I have been aware that this is how I want my life looks like - I am invisible, unimportant, forgotten... despite the voice of anxiety says something opposite. I am happy when no one is judging me or even look at me. But the problem is that the only effective cure for my emotional issues is doing things that may expose me to the overall sight. And this is awful. <2 years ago Read more
-
Blog postI'm sure you all know some movies or TV series where the main character struggles with the trauma he or she doesn't remember. It haunts that person though it is hidden deep in the subconscious.
I don't remember what caused my own trauma. I really don't. But it impacts my life every second.
So maybe I'll describe what it does with me, how it changes my mindset.
It is like finding myself in 'up-side-down world' depicted in 'Stranger Things' series. I freeze with terro2 years ago Read more -
Blog postWell, maybe my 'suicidal brain' works a little bit better now but I still need to struggle with other problems. The worst of them is anxiety.
The fact that I was fired last Tuesday doesn't improve my state. It reminds me of all these awful situations when I felt like the worst sort of trash. And I don't know if the moment when you hear you are fired is so bad or it is worsened by the suppressed memories.
I realized that I constantly try to find a place with the people who won't2 years ago Read more -
Blog postI rarely (almost never) relate to opinions about my books. But this time is special because I was waiting for this particular 'review' for a very long time. So thank you dear Amazon Customer for your time and sacrifice.
You may read it on Amazon or here:
The book is printed in a very large font, it is double spaced (at first, I looked to see if I had mistakenly ordered the large print for visually impaired; I didn't) and the author uses no articles in her writing whatsoeve2 years ago Read more
Titles By Roza Lewanowicz
The Notes from the Abyss: Suicidal Brain Memoirs
Sep 30, 2018
$3.50
"There are people among us, who don't want to live. It would be good to try understand why."
The look at the mental health problems from different perspective. The collection of essays presents the point of view of the person who suffers unbearable psychical pain leading to suicidal thoughts. It is the insight coming directly from the deepest abyss of human's soul and mind where no one wants to be. The Author's intention is to increase the awareness of suicide problems among those whose knowledge is only superficial or comes from academical sources only.
The look at the mental health problems from different perspective. The collection of essays presents the point of view of the person who suffers unbearable psychical pain leading to suicidal thoughts. It is the insight coming directly from the deepest abyss of human's soul and mind where no one wants to be. The Author's intention is to increase the awareness of suicide problems among those whose knowledge is only superficial or comes from academical sources only.
Other Formats:
Paperback
Open your eyes, Marianna
Jan 5, 2020
$6.00
Kasia, a 33-year-old woman suffering from bipolar disorder, is leaving the psychiatric hospital. She promises herself to make an order in her unstable so far life. Also, she takes a new drug, which allows her to think about the future in slightly brighter colors. She returns to Warsaw, and after the first unpleasant events, she manages to find a job and kind people who offer her a helping hand. However, despite these hopes and improving well-being, her calmness is suddenly destroyed by very disturbing delusions. When she comes across a handsome (and the flesh-and-blood) Prince, everything begins to get even more complicated...
Other Formats:
Paperback
Guide For (Ultimate) Losers
Dec 18, 2017
$9.99
I was raised by a bad, abusive mother. My father was absent. And I was always completely alone with all my problems. These factors - among others - affected my whole life making of it a disaster.
But I decided to change it and to find a treatment for my countless wounds. This very book tells how I coped with issues in regard to relationship with men, professional path and a little bit with faith.
However, in the first place, it says how I was fighting to accept who I really am. I had to learn living with the awareness that some scars cannot be erased completely, e.g. that I will always be autistic and, in some aspects, I won't live the life I want.
But I decided to change it and to find a treatment for my countless wounds. This very book tells how I coped with issues in regard to relationship with men, professional path and a little bit with faith.
However, in the first place, it says how I was fighting to accept who I really am. I had to learn living with the awareness that some scars cannot be erased completely, e.g. that I will always be autistic and, in some aspects, I won't live the life I want.
Other Formats:
Paperback
More Information
Anything else? Provide feedback about this page