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SM 101: A Realistic Introduction
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Price:$23.79+ Free shipping with Amazon Prime


on June 2, 2012
Two reviews really...

First the transfer to kindle format is awful... Way too many errors for the price.

Second, the book itself is way too serious to be "101". I want some tips and pointers to play with my wife, not join the scene and sacrifice my life to kink. The books audience is looking/exploring not committing to hardcovers slave training.. There is some useful advice and tips, but 75% of the book is useless to me. I wish the book was divided into 3 books: SM 101, SM 201, and SM 301.
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on December 20, 2012
If you have had sex twice while tied up or having tied up someone else......you have already passed this class.
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on February 27, 2000
This book was one of the first instructional SM books I bought. I heartily disagree with the UK reviewer who said this book was a waste of money. On the contrary..it is full of excellent information about SM topics ranging from flogging, Dom/sub interactions, finding partners, to Humilation and erotic 'torture,' along with many other topics.
Highly recommended if you want to learn more about consensual power exchange.
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on October 14, 2011
I don't believe I've ever seen a list of recommended reading for BDSM novices that didn't include Jay Wiseman's "SM 101." Of course, with a title like that it's almost demanding to be considered a definitive reference work on the subject - and unlike so many other books that make similar claims, this is one that truly deserves a place on every kinkster's bookshelf.

Despite Wiseman's casual writing style and frequent entertaining "asides," this volume is ultimately, as the title implies, meant to educate. The emphasis throughout is on safety and technique, and although Wiseman rarely loses sight of the fact that all of these activities are ultimately meant to be erotic and fun, this isn't a book calculated to titillate. Wiseman's first emphasis is on safety, always. He uses proper medical terminology for parts of the body rather than the slang most kink authors prefer. It's unlikely that you'll find much fantasy fodder in these pages - but if you're looking to move beyond fantasy into the real world of BDSM, you've come to the right place.

Wiseman's treatment of his subject is comprehensive and thorough. There's a ten-page negotiation checklist here. There's 50 pages on bondage, 50 pages on various forms of sensation play, and an extensive treatment of the BDSM world, its ethics and protocols and organization. Unlike many introductory volumes of this type, Wiseman gives considerable treatment to the practical dynamics of dominance and submission (although he's clearly writing more to those who enjoy playing with D/s dynamics than to those who live the lifestyle 24/7, much of what he has to say is just as applicable in a Total Power Exchange situation as in a casual encounter). There's even a very helpful guide to putting together an inexpensive BDSM "starter set," which should appeal to those readers who are anxious to get started but can't afford fancy toys and dungeon furniture. The glossary contains a number of terms that didn't quite fit into the rest of the book, and is worthy to read (or at least skim) in its own right.

Novices who are still struggling to come to terms with their BDSM desires will find this volume of particular value. Wiseman tells his own story of self-discovery at length; readers who have felt isolated and ashamed will relate to his onetime concerns that his "deviant" interests make him a terrible person who will never enjoy a healthy, fulfilling sexual relationship, and take comfort in his exploration of what BDSM truly is and is not. Especially delightful are the "quotes" that appear throughout the book, often (but not necessarily) related to the text of the chapter in which they appear. These quotes reflect a variety of perspectives: male and female, gay and straight, Dom and sub, dabbler and lifestyler. The one thing they all have in common is that they reflect the richly human experience of BDSM, with its joys and frustrations and contradictions and challenges and even its mundane realities. Nearly any reader will be able to pick out at least a handful of quotes that poignantly reflect his or her own desires and experience, even the ones that don't altogether make rational sense ("I love it when I'm honestly begging for it to stop, and she looks in my eyes and smiles and keeps right on going"). Reading this book will communicate loud and clear to the nervous newcomer that wonderful message of reassurance: You're not alone.

The book is not without its flaws, though they are for the most part quite minor. There's a two-page appendix on the subject of "SM and the Internet" that, after nearly 15 years, is little more than a historical relic that needs to be not so much updated as scrapped altogether and replaced. Organization doesn't appear to be Wiseman's strong suit; he doesn't always present his material in the most logical order. I'm still trying to figure out why he felt the need to interrupt a solid block of chapters on various forms of sensation play with a little two-page chapter on lubricants. And his desire to be thorough often crosses the line into excessive repetition, and occasionally into topics only marginally related to the subject of the book (why do we need contact information for an anti-circumcision organization? WHY?).

Perhaps my greatest quibble - and I will readily admit that it's a highly idiosyncratic one - is the title of the book itself. Wiseman attempts to explain his chosen terminology as a matter of tradition, even though he freely admits that the term "sadomasochism" is "slightly alarming and rather easy to misunderstand." Since this book was published, the lovely compact initialism "BDSM" has come into its own. Far less fraught with threatening connotations, and inclusive of those of us whose interest in giving or receiving pain is secondary at best, "BDSM" would far better reflect the spirit of this book's purpose, and as iconic a work as this is, I do hope the author would consider updating the terminology - including the title - in any further editions.

There's a reason this book is a favorite among newcomers and long-time practitioners alike; despite its minor flaws, its reputation is well-deserved. This is a must-have for any collection of BDSM literature. Expect to refer back to it often.
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on September 7, 2017
Very interesting. Bought because I've always been kind of gentle and shy in bed, and I was trying to find ways to make myself more comfortable being rough with my girlfriend who was into that. It was a nice way to view things and seemed like a necessary tool if you are interested in exploring BDSM
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on March 23, 2015
Horribly written.
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on April 22, 2014
There is some valuable information and recommendations in this book, if you can get past the pre-technology communication advice. It has some historic value as you can appreciate how difficult it was to be LGBT or kinky before the internet and more mainstream acceptance of some aspects of the lifestyle. Just couldn't get past how severely dated this "updated" version of the book was.
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on September 8, 2017
I recommend this book to anyone new to, wanting to introduce a partner to, or even academically interested in BDSM. Well written, easy to read, and very informative. Is this book going to teach you the intricacies of SM, no. It will give you a basic understanding of it, the safety concerns, and some practices and resources to help mitigate those concerns. I was not expecting a section on organizational/club/party planning and concerns which was a very informative.
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on November 8, 2013
Need a good starting point on kink? This is it. No, it doesn't have all the answers but it's a very good exploration of why and how we do what we do. It's a primer of kink covering a lot of subjects including what we do and how to be safe(ish) doing them. Think you might be curious in exploring the world of BDSM? This will give you some pointers in finding your local kink community through reputable organizations. We do, consensually, bad things to one another. You'll learn how to negotiate with potential play partners and why that's hella important for both parties. It goes over the gear that we use and introduces bondage and impact play. It can't cover the depth and breadth of everything, but it's a introduction if you are considering entering the lifestyle or wondering about who we are, what we do, and where you might fit in.
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on December 30, 2000
BDSM, by nature, is shrouded in a world of fantasy. This is fantastic if you are sitting down for a good erotic "read", however, it is more problematic if you are contemplating trying to act out your SM fantasies. Fortunately, readers now have access to a non-titillating , realistic guide to SM play. Jay Wiseman is an experienced SM player and a popular lecturer/speaker at many BDSM events and his book, SM 101, has condensed down his years of scene experience into a very readable guide to SM play.
It is somewhat of a `technical manual' that explains SM terminology, the mechanics of `erotic pain' as well as how to use clamps, bondage, flagellation, erotic torture and humiliation. The second part of the manual introduces the reader to SM organizations, SM relationships and how to construct specialized types of scenes. This book is a definite must have for anyone contemplating exploring the public BDSM scene. The terminology and basic safety rules are "musts" at any responsible event.
Because this is book is written by a scene player, it does move a little quickly over the initial exploratory stages that many couples go through to get into SM - Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns has a somewhat more elaborate introduction into the SM mindset. However, if you have decided that you are going to play and want to know how, there isn't any better book out there to get started with.
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