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Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't Paperback – October 22, 1996
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Some people are good for us, some are not. Safe people are people who help drive emotional healing and character growth. Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend show how we can find the people who will help us down the path to healing and void those who may damage our emotional health. Safe People: How to Find Relationships that are Good for You provides practical ground-breaking help which lays a firm foundation for personal growth. Safe People is important, practical reading for today's modern world. -- Midwest Book Review --This text refers to an alternate Paperback edition.
From the Back Cover
Too many of us have invested ourselves into relationships that left us deeply wounded. We've been abandoned or taken advantage of, and left with little to show for what we've given. We've lost our sense of security and personal value in the process. And what's worse, we tend to either repeat the same mistakes of judgment over and over . . . Or else lock the doors of our hearts entirely and throw away the key. Why do we choose the wrong people to get involved with? Is it possible to change? And if so, where does one begin? Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend offer solid guidance for making safe choices in relationships, from friendships to romance. They help identify the nurturing people we all need in our lives, as well as ones we need to learn to avoid. Safe People will help you to recognize 20 traits of relationally untrustworthy people. Discover what makes some people relationally safe, and how to avoid unhealthy entanglements. You'll learn about things within yourself that jeopardize your relational security. And you'll find out what to do and what not to do to develop a balanced, healthy approach to relationships.
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Top Customer Reviews
If you, also, are strongly entrenched in American Christian lifestyle, this would be an excellent read for you. If you are are NOT, especially if you still carry trauma from being involved in this lifestyle previously (*raises hand*) you may have to tiptoe through the God-talk in order to avoid triggering issues.
Even with that caveat, this books has many, many excellent nuggets and insights in it. Here are some bits that resonated with me: "Unsafe people only apologize instead of changing their behavior." Or the concept of "merger wishes" relationships: "When someone else possesses a trait that we don't have, we are inclined to blur our identity with with theirs in order to help us feel better about ourselves and to gain access to that trait." Or the tendency, when our boundaries are weak, to go for all or nothing: "...boundaryless people tend to isolate as their only limit. Often, people with weak boundaries will give in repeatedly to some irresponsible or demanding person. Then, out of the blue, they'll pack up and leave the relationship with no warning."
We DON'T have to be with unsafe people; nor can nor should we, trust our church or social club to screen people for us. That was my biggest take-away from this book, recognizing my own tendency/wish to think that in XYZ group, everyone is "safe" for me. Just ain't so. Because of MY life experiences, traits, and personality, Person A may be unsafe for me, but absolutely safe for YOU, and vice versa. As adults, we each need to figure out how to sort out and separate those who are safe and unsafe for us, PERSONALLY. We can't count on others to do it for us, anymore than we can count on others to exercise for us.
Some of the traits of safe people, according to this book, include: "Someone who gives me an opportunity to grow; someone I can be myself around; Someone who allows me to be on the outside what I am on the indie; someone whose life touches mine and leaves me better for it," and much more.
I do highly recommend this book, and am only deducting a star because of the triggering issues it may present to some readers.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
Describes what makes a normal, safe connection with another person. I read it over and over A permanent book