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Blog postScharlette Kills 99% of Germs
(Scharlette Day Book 2) Find Book 1 here.
Amazon USAmazon UKAmazon AUAmazon CANAmazon DEGoodreadsAs Scharlette journeys to the time travelling space station known as Panoptica, she has no idea how she’ll be received by its crazily futuristic inhabitants. Do they know she’s a runaway from ancestral Earth? The first person-from-the-past ever to drop by and say hi? Oh, and that she helped foil an elaborate plot to stop their president from ever exi3 weeks ago Read more -
Blog postGoodbye, Garlic Crusher I retired my garlic crusher today. In a strange twist of fate, I actually crushed IT. For a time the metal components had been gouging determinedly at each other, but today they misaligned severely enough to warp and bend the entire thing right out of purpose.
A sad occurrence indeed, for this particular garlic crusher had been with me for the last, let me see … why, nigh on three years! Perhaps it is unusual for me to know that. You’d probably find, should yo1 year ago Read more -
Blog postLost Scene from Dracula Have you heard the expression ‘bless your cotton socks’? Why is it always cotton socks, and never other items of clothing?
‘Bless your cotton hat!’ for example.
Is there such a thing as a cotton hat? Surely there is. With so many amazing inventions in the world, surely a cotton hat is not out of the question?
At any rate, enough of that – without further ado, I present to you, a lost scene from Dracula!
Van Helsing: Shh! Here we are in1 year ago Read more -
Blog postOn Naming Fantasy Characters One of the hardest aspects of writing a fantasy story, I find, is conjuring a bunch of made-up names that don’t sound like I spilled alphabet soup on a crossword puzzle. It’s important to get names right, of course. I’m sure I’m not the only one who has flung away a potential read in disgust because the blurb said something about a protagonist called ‘Nynmn’dryhl of the Xyl’turym’. Can I buy a vowel, please? I’m also guessing this is one reason why so few fantasy2 years ago Read more
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Blog postOut Now, Depending on Your Temporal Location I like to describe my new book as ‘a contemporary time travel adventure with heart (and no plot holes)’.
Can you imagine how hard it is to write a time travel book without plot holes? It’s amazing, to be honest, that I succeeded.
Or did I?
You be the judge! I spent so long on my back staring at the ceiling, working my way through impossible tangles, that I began to wonder if perhaps I’d gone mad – was this any way to spend2 years ago Read more -
Blog postWelcome to the second and final (what a journey it has been) part of a paraphrased email chat with accelerator physicist Pat Karns, who I spoke to as research for my new comic sci fi adventure, Scharlette Doesn’t Matter and Goes Time Travelling.
You can see Pat above, chasing down prions.
1. Random, much? SAM: Is there anything truly random in the universe?
PAT: I see we’re diving right in.
SAM: Suns blowing up, molecules interacting, a leaf in the breeze, that2 years ago Read more
Ever since Scharlette’s parents gave her a name no one can really pronounce, she’s been stuck in a bit of a rut. She hates her job in airport security, making people take their belts off before they fly to exotic locations she can only dream about. She owns a small apartment with large repayments, drinks bargain bin red while she watches Star Trek, and misses her little sister, lost to an exploding sandwich press ten years ago.
Scharlette fears she might live out her entire existence without doing anything or mattering to anyone. It still comes as quite a surprise when a handsome time traveller named Tomothy appears out of nowhere and verifies she is correct – that, according to his records, she doesn’t matter at all.
Scharlette isn’t sure this news is as wonderful as Tomothy seems to think but, as he explains, since her life was to have no impact on the timeline whatsoever, Scharlette is free to travel time and space, and have amazing adventures with heedless abandon.
“The book is charming and riotously funny. The most enjoyable aspect of the story is its unpredictability.” – Aurealis Magazine
Excerpt
Scharlette rubbed her temples as she woke, hastily compiling information. She was in a spaceship, high above the Earth, speaking with Gordon, an advanced AI from the future. Or perhaps she was in an insane asylum talking to a mouse? It was difficult to be sure. One thing was certain – she was definitely going to be late for work.
‘Gordon,’ she said, and then so many questions jostled for attention she had trouble focusing on one in particular.
‘Yes, Miss Scharlette?’
‘What’s the time?’
‘I’m afraid that is quite difficult to answer, as perspectives tend to differ wildly. However, internal ship time is currently 64:38:91.’
‘Right.’
‘PM.’
“It’s hard to describe why this book is good without spoiling a single part of it.” – Two Doctors Media Collaborative
Reader Reviews
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ “So refreshingly different” – Goodreads
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ “a solid sci-fi romp, and this is one of the few times when "romp" is exactly the right description” – Goodreads
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ “I have never laughed so much while reading a book!” – Amazon US
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ “absolutely the best treatment of time travel all wrapped up in chuckles and spurts of laughter punctuated with moments of sheer terror culminating in a very satisfying ending.” – Amazon US
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ “The time travel genre has a great new top candidate” – Amazon US
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ “Scharlette is intelligent, real, relatable and very witty.” – Goodreads
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ “dazzlingly colourful, endlessly endearing” – Goodreads
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ “genuinely fun ... a proper joy.
As Scharlette journeys to the time travelling space station known as Panoptica, she has no idea how she’ll be received by its crazily futuristic inhabitants.
Do they know she’s a runaway from ancestral Earth? The first person-from-the-past ever to drop by and say hi? Oh, and that she helped foil an elaborate plot to stop their president from ever existing in the first place?
Will everyone want to give her a medal, maybe?
Instead President Charkie thanks Scharlette by asking her to save humanity from a terrifying alien race of vicious murderbugs known as the Germs. These sons-of-peaches will eviscerate anything they can fix their eyeball stalks on – and they’re harder to squash than ever, now that they’ve stolen Panoptician time travel tech.
Scharlette isn’t sure that assigning such a monumentally important task to a woman with basically zero experience in galactic warfare is such a great idea. She isn’t sure about that at all.
The Panopticians are sure though – they think it’s a great idea!
Join Scharlette for a second wild ride through time and space, as she blasts off once again with handsome time agent Tomothy Dartle and their trusty spaceship Gordon.
In Episode Two - The Summer of Our Discontent - the heat is driving everyone increasingly insane. Sam is trying to concoct new cocktail recipes using leftover spirits stolen from parties, Jake is building something mysterious and possibly atomic on the roof, and strange forces are at work in the abandoned 'Pool and Gymnasium Facility Section' which seem to defy the laws of time and space. It's even possible that this episode is stupider than the last one!
Written by Australian comedian and fantasy author, Sam Bowring.
- Navigate a cast of treacherous nobility and unwelcome relatives
- Help the household werewolves make it through ‘that time of the month’
- Manage a kitchen staff of stupid goblins
- Teach the castle harpies the merits of personal hygiene
- ‘Accidentally’ sleep with a virgin due to be sacrificed to the Shadow God
- Sample too much booze in the wine cellar
- Serve a feast of live balfrog tadpoles
- And much more!
Butler to the Dark Lord is interactive fiction at its funniest, written by stand-up comedian and fantasy author Sam Bowring.
Note: The ‘Look Inside’ sample does not work as intended as it only comprises 10% of the text, and gamebooks jump around all over the place.
"It’s amazing that Bowring has taken this form of story-telling and used it to tell a fantasy story to an adult audience. It works very well in e-book format because all the choices are hyperlinked to the relevant page – no endlessly flipping back and forth! … There are ribald jokes and double entendres throughout … Malacandros is also a terrifying boss (but sometimes he’s really nice!), and the atmosphere of the book is danger-filled and darkly humorous."
- Speculating on SpecFic
"Even though the intention is clearly humorous and the various scenarios consistently amusing, ‘Butler to the Dark Lord’ is far from merely being a tongue-in-cheek parody of adventure gamebooks. There is a real adventure, which, thanks to the assassination plot, has a decent storyline with a reasonable level of challenge and intrigue … It all makes for a highly enjoyable adventure with a bit of a difference. It’s sure to keep you entertained throughout."
- Amazon UK reviewer
'Prophecy's Ruin may just be the start of the next big thing in Australian Fantasy.' Weekend Australian
'two of the most intriguing protagonists I've encountered in a long time' AustralianBookseller + Publisher
For a millennium the lands of Kainordas and Fenvarrow have been at war, ever since the gods of shadow and light broke the Great Well of Souls. In the absence of victory, they have settled into an uneasy stalemate - until a prophecy foretells of a child of power who will finally break the balance. Each side races to find the child, and when they do, a battle ensues with unexpected consequences - in a terrible accident, the child's very soul is ripped in two. Each side retreats with their own part of the child, uncertain as to whether they now possess the one capable of finally ending their age-old battle.
PROPHECY'S RUIN tells the story of the two boys as they grow to be men. Bel becomes a charismatic though troubled warrior, Losara an enigmatic and thoughtful mage. Both are powerful young men, yet incomplete. As they struggle to discover their place in the world and the shape of their destinies, inevitably each has to ask the ultimate question: will he, one day, have to face himself?
'One of the coolest fantasy series to come along in an age' AurealisXpress
** Includes preview chapters of Book 2 in the Broken Well trilogy: DESTINY'S RIFT **
Sam Bowring is a stand-up comedian and writer living in Sydney, Australia. Author of the acclaimed Broken Well Trilogy and the Strange Threads Duology, he has also written children's books and for a number of television shows.
For more about Sam, visit sambowring.com.
Sam, Jake and Dylan are degenerate losers who live on the 42nd floor of Hazy Towers, the worst apartment block in the known universe.
They don't work, or buy food, or pay a single cent of rent to their spineless landlord, Mr Hayes, because it's cheaper just to slam the door in his pitiful face. Still, booze doesn’t buy itself, so the boys are always looking out for a crazy way to make a buck.
In Episode One, Black Market Prawns, Jake strikes a deal with a dodgy mariner to acquire one tonne of illegally obtained prawns from the polluted harbour. Sounds like a good way to earn some coin, but during the height of Summer, and without adequate refrigeration, the race is on to offload the goods before the funk really sets in.
Will Sam, Jake and Dylan convince the owner of the crappy restaurant downstairs to buy their ripening stock? Or perhaps their brand new drink, Prawnshakes ('Prawns and milk, together at last') will prove a hit with the unsuspecting public? Or what?
Find out the answers to these, and other dumb questions you never would have thought to ask, in the brief and stupid tale that is ‘Black Market Prawns’.
Written by Australian comedian and author Sam Bowring.
Shadows and light, a sundered land, a champion forged anew? The stunning conclusion to The Broken Well Trilogy.
'Prophecy's Ruin may just be the start of the next big thing in Australian Fantasy.' Weekend Australian on Prophecy's Ruin
'two of the most intriguing protagonists I've encountered in a long time' Bookseller and Publisher on Prophecy's Ruin
'Sam Bowring's debut is the stuff of fantasy writers' fantasies. An epic, enthralling,towering triumph' aurealisXpress on Prophecy's Ruin
An army of darkness marches on the Shining Mines, stronghold of the light for a thousand years. At their head is the shadowmander, an unstoppable monster created from the souls of the dead.
A forgotten race stirs in Whisperwood, led by Corlas, who has been granted ancient powers by a banished god . . . and Fahren journeys with his old enemy Battu to the Morningbridge Peaks, where he is given a task that shakes him to the bones.
Meanwhile Bel rides with all the might of Kainordas behind him. He carries the Stone of Evenings Mild, his only means of drawing his counterpart Losara back into himself, this making his soul complete. Prophecy says that a blue-haired man will end the war forever - and the time has come to look oneself in the eye.
The time has come for a reckoning.
Sam Bowring is a stand-up comedian and author living in Sydney, Australia. As well as the acclaimed Broken Well Trilogy and the Strange Threads Duology, he has also written children's books and for a number of television shows.
Sometimes the greatest enemy we face is ourselves - Book Two of The Broken Well Trilogy.
'Prophecy's Ruin may just be the start of the next big thing in Australian Fantasy.' Weekend Australian on Prophecy's Ruin
'Two of the most intriguing protagonists I've encountered in a long time' Bookseller and Publisher on Prophecy's Ruin
'Sam Bowring's debut is the stuff of fantasy writers' fantasies. An epic, enthralling, towering triumph ' aurealisXpress on Prophecy's Ruin
The blue-haired man is prophesied to end the age-old conflict between the lands, but with his very soul divided in two, much remains uncertain. On the side of light, Bel sets forth on a journey to find the Stone of Evenings Mild, his only hope of reuniting with his darker half, Losara. But the Stone is lost, hidden away by an undead mage of mutable allegiance, in the lair of an insane dragon. Meanwhile Losara has his own problems. The Shadowdreamer wants him dead, but with war coming he must unite his people for the final battle. His plan is to build a weapon that is unstoppable.
How can two men fulfil a fate meant for only one? Is hope lost, or is there a way to close destiny's rift?
** Includes preview chapters of Book 3 in the Broken Well trilogy: SOUL'S RECKONING **
Sam Bowring is a stand-up comedian and author living in Sydney, Australia. As well as the acclaimed Broken Well Trilogy and the Strange Threads Duology, he has also written children's books and for a number of television shows.
Satan joins the colourful cast of Sam, Jake and Dylan Want Money, dealing with an irksome maintenance issue that results in Hell's air conditioning system breaking down. Hell freezes over, and as a result the boys have to save their treasured neighbour Scarlett from a fate more horrible than the abyss - a dinner date with the wettest of rags, Mr Hayes!
Hell Freezes Over continues the hilariously unnecessary saga (if three short books can be called a saga) of the worst housemates in history.
The world is crumbling. Fissures crack the shaking ground, babes are born with twisted limbs and the taste of apples is just a memory.
Rostigan and the Priestess Yalenna must face those Wardens who remain bent on steeping the land in ruin and, somehow, close the growing Wound in the Great Spell. Standing in their way is a pitiless army commanded by a madman, a sky full of silkjaws and, worst of all, an old friend, once betrayed, whom they must now convince to join them again.
There is only one thing for it - Rostigan must break an ancient oath and use powers he has dared not touch, powers that could tip the balance in favour of the spreading corruption. Caught in a web of his own deceit, he struggles to live the lies he has spun, for if he cannot, Aorn itself may well be doomed.
Der alternde Schwertkämpfer Rostigan muss den Wächtern, seinen ehemaligen Gefährten, entgegentreten, um das Land zu heilen. Doch zunächst steht ihm eine gnadenlose Armee unter dem Befehl eines Wahnsinnigen gegenüber, und er muss einen alten Freund, den er einst verriet, dazu bringen, ihm erneut zu vertrauen. Rostigan bleibt nur eine Möglichkeit. Er muss erneut Verrat begehen, seinen heiligsten Eid brechen und Mächte zum Leben erwecken, die er nicht kontrollieren kann.
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