Customer Reviews: Saving Your Second Marriage: Before It Starts, Nine Questions to Ask Before and After You Marry
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on April 9, 2012
My wife and I read a chapter or two from this book maybe once a month. We've owned it for a while, and are still working our way through it. Our different personalities definitely came into play, and on the very first night reading it we learned things about one another that perhaps only time would have taught us.

I will say that I don't think it's a self help book that can help you fix your marriage. My wife and I are reading it from a point where (this may be crazy to some) we actually like each other. We really are best friends, we weren't nervous on our wedding day (yes, we bought the book after we got married), and we are both serious about making our marriage work. We argue with each other still, we disagree, we're not living out some perfection of idealized marriage - but I think we've got one of the strongest marriages of anyone we know.

I credit that in part to reading books like this one.

You can buy a men's workbook and women's workbook to accompany the actual book, and while it's more money - it's the workbook exercises that make reading this together SO MUCH fun! I was initially upset when we got the workbooks because they are identical except my copy says "your wife" and "her", and her copy says "your husband" and "him". It's also a little extra money, but I'd still encourage you to get them... and to actually get both the husband's and wife's copy. If your marriage isn't worth investing a bit more money into, well, that may be a sign that you haven't yet invested enough and you should spring for a bit more. Plus the workbooks are cheaper than counseling or divorce, so that's good!

What kind of stuff will you learn? Well, for example, in my family growing up my sister set the table for dinner. In my wife's family she and her sister took turns setting the table for dinner. My wife and I don't have kids yet, so she's expecting us to take turns setting the table, and I'm expecting her to do it because she's the girl. In my mind it was balanced because growing up I always (and exclusively) took out the trash. In her family she took turns doing it.

I realized (and even looked back and remembered some arguments) where I thought "sweet - I don't have to take out the trash this week because it's been done already" (by my wife, thinking we should take turns)... and then I say something genius like "Hey babe, why didn't you set the table for dinner?" thinking that's her role! My expectations were totally off base because they were from a home I no longer lived in. As were hers. Once we talked about it (from an exercise in this book) I was like "Oh my God, I'm so sorry I never expected to set the table... that's so crazy, I'll never do that again, please forgive me - that was SO DUMB of me!" and that will never be an issue again :)

Chances are if you think about the arguments you get into, it's all stupid little nonsense like that anyway. Maybe you didn't realize that your spouse's dad would get home from work every night and be alone for 30 minutes to unwind, because when your dad got home he was immediately present. Now you try to force your childhood behaviors into your new marriage, and your husband gets off work expecting some alone time (since that's what he knows), and you're expecting him to be a chatter box (since that's what you know). Then you have some brilliant fight like "you never pay attention to me" and "well you never give me any peace"... when you could have had a conversation about it before the issue ever came up and set YOUR OWN rules and boundaries in your marriage - instead of trying to imitate your parents.

This book helps with things like that. OH by the way, Les and Leslie are Christians, I am too. The book isn't dripping with Christian overtones, but their faith is a central part of their marriage. So they are going to credit their Lord and Savior for some of their happiness.
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on January 9, 2007
You will definitely need the actual book to use the workbooks. My fiance and I have been working through the lessons and are about halfway through the workbooks. The best thing about the exercises is that there are so many things about my future wife that I didn't know, especially in regards to how she thinks and feels about certain aspects of life. We are becoming closer as we're beginning to understand each other at a deeper level. I'm learning more about how women communicate and how they really aren't able to come to grips with exactly how we operate either. The exercises vary from childhood influences to budgeting to love languages. We look forward to each time we work through the lessons. I highly recommend them for any couple preparing for marriage.
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on July 19, 2012
What a blessing this book has been. A must read for anyone desiring to get married a 2nd time..whether your first marriage ended in death or divorce and especially if you are blending a family. We used this book as a reference prior to getting married the second time and blending a family. Key points to note are taking a personal inventory and responsibility for the end of the first marriage and things you learned, strengths, weaknesses, and communication styles. Communication is so vital in all relationships, one we tend to take lightly. Assumptions made are often inaccurate, only by communicating and understanding each other will bring you the best results and greatest joy. Personally, I wish I would have read something like this before I married the first time. It would have saved a lot of grief, heartache and I would have had a better understanding of myself. Always always put God first in your marriage. This has to be the foundation or else you can expect your relationship to crumble. A house divided against itself will always fall. Be equally yoked with your husband/wife BEFORE you get married. I never believed I would find true love again, but gave it to GOD and HE put my future husband in my path and there is no denying this was a true miracle for both of us. God bless and keep CHRIST first and all else will follow.
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on June 12, 2011
I'm only four months into my remarriage! But the book and accompanying workbooks already seem increasingly useful as time passes and my husband and I get to know each other more fully. I'm glad our pastor recommended this resource. We read the book before our wedding, and I found it useful - but I think it's even more so after. In fact, I think it's acceptable to read the book, and use the workbooks as a guide through emerging issues as time goes on.
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on April 5, 2011
My wife and I read through the books and the study guide while we were engaged. SOOOOOO good!! Even if you aren't a Christian, the principles in communication are amazingly helpful. For us, as believers, perhaps even more so.

I highly recommend it with the study guide. The exercises are really good to help you understand how the other person thinks, what's important to them, and to get a head start - from a married perspective anyway - on who the other person is.

I haven't been married that long, but ask your other married friends - you may think you know all about the other person before you get married, but you learn a ton more once you're married. You also learn a lot about yourself.

The reason this book and study guide are so good is they help you think through things & issues that are common in marriage, common differences between men and women, etc.

And there are some great tools, like "Temperature Check". The book/guide go into more detail, but it provides a really beneficial communication tool to share things you like, don't like, don't understand, or would like to see changed.

I'm making all of my future kids go through when they get engaged.

I can't recommend it highly enough! If you're getting married, get it. If you are married and know you could use some communication help, get it.

Cheers! :)
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on April 11, 2016
This workbook and book is one of the best things you can do prior to getting married. It will help you address things you may not think of before walking down that isle and allow you to get rid of false expectations and silent harmful agreements we make internally that can ruin your marriage later on. The more you know, accept, and understand about yourself and one another the more your relationship will be blessed and fruitful.
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on September 22, 2015
Good, practical advice here. Nothing ground breaking or earth shattering, but this book is filled with some very good reminders that will help you and your partner to build a solid foundation and learn more about each other's wants and needs. This book teaches from a biblical perspective, but the content is a blend of Christian teachings and lessons that would be relatable for non-religious couples, as well. We used these books in conjunction with pre-marital counseling we completed at an area church, and the books had accompanying videos that were awesomely 90's-tastic; though the content was still good.
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on July 22, 2016
Best premarital study!!! We were both a participant and a leader. If your church or small group is considering a premarital study, please take this one!!! It is relevant and challenging. It will help you face many of the topics that will quickly consume your married life.

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on October 9, 2015
I bought the book along with the workbook and enjoyed working through it with my fiancé. We both felt like it was useful to get to know each other better and prepare ourselves for our impending nuptials. It's easy to read and fun to work through. Great for any young engaged couple going through premarital counseling. Sets you on the right course for your future together.
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on August 14, 2016
I think this has alot of practical information, that every couple should hear. Me and my wife used this through our church for pre-marital counseling. It makes you think, and understand your partners perspective. I like that! I would recommend this book to any couple, but only if you are serious. No book, or counseling is going to change the will of the close minded. That being said, this is a great companion to counseling, or just to further your love of your partner.
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