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The Science of Happily Ever After: What Really Matters in the Quest for Enduring Love Hardcover – January 28, 2014
The Amazon Book Review
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"Complete with exercises, quizzes, sound advice, and a practical yet supportive tone, Tashiro offers the closest thing to a roadmap for "happily-ever-after." - Publishers Weekly, Starred Review
"Five-Stars" - San Francisco Review of Books
About the Author
Ty Tashiro, Ph.D., is a relationship expert for the Discovery Network's Fit and Health Channel. He received his Ph.D. in psychology from the University of Minnesota and he has been an award winning professor at the University of Maryland and University of Colorado. Dr. Tashiro is often cited as an expert on relationship breakups, enhancing long-term relationships, and online dating. Visit him at tytashiro.net
Top customer reviews
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1) marry someone who doesn't have attachment issues.
2) 50% of the population has attachment issues.
3) lower your standards. Statistically speaking, you can only have 1 of the 3 things you absolutely must have in a partner, and none of the other non-dealbreaker qualities..
Seeing that each conclusion the author posits is based not just one or two, but many repeatable academic studies is very reassuring. I felt like I was able to much better understand myself as a human being, particularly the biology of attraction and the fundamental changes in relationships over the last 200 years due to increased life expectancy and societal shifts.
There are parts of the book where I felt like the author was coaching me on how to make better dating decisions, which is fine, but felt a bit odd as much of the focus on the book was presenting science rather than relationship coaching. I think Dr. Tashiro probably just couldn't help himself, and I don't fault him for doing it. When I obliged to do the tests presented in the book, I went to the noted website to complete them and found the website to be incomplete and not have the test results represented in the book.
At times the conclusions were a bit muddled; I thought the discussion on attachment theory was interesting but lacking in finality. After spending a couple hours researching attachment theory online, it makes sense now that the conclusions were weak because there don't seem to be strong correlations between long-term relationship success and attachment type among adults.
"The Science of Happily Ever After" has many virtues and the survey of such a massive amount of research is really worth reading, and it is made better by the weave of interesting personal stories that illustrate the science in action. In the end, I give the book 5/5 stars despite its few shortcomings. I highly recommend this book.
As the author repeatedly notes; we can fall in love with mismatched partners and we can fail to fall in love with what he defines as a good match. He does not address what causes us to fall in love, only what factors are likely to contribute to the length or shortness and the healthiness of the relationship once we do fall in love. My personal experience is that trying to force myself to fall in love with what the author would defines as a good match is an act of futility. If you want to explore how to stay in love, this book is a very helpful resource. If you want to explore falling in love, you will need another resource.