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Seagalogy: A Study of the Ass-Kicking Films of Steven Seagal Paperback – Bargain Price, June 10, 2008

by Vern (Author)

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Seagalogy (Updated and Expanded Edition): A Study of the Ass-Kicking Films of Steven Seagal
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Vern, the self-styled ‘outlaw film critic’, is known to millions for his hilarious reviews on the Ain’t It Cool News website, and is described by Hellboy director Guillermo Del Toro as “equal parts Hell’s Angels and Pauline Kael... a national treasure!”

Now, finally, Vern is ready to unleash his magnum opus: an in-depth study of the world's only aikido instructor turned movie star/director/writer/blues guitarist/energy drink inventor — the ass-kicking auteur Steven Seagal. From Above the Law to his Mountain Dew commercials, his entire career is covered in Vern’s inimitable style.

As Vern himself puts it, Seagalogy is “a book that will shake the very foundations of film criticism, break their wrists and then throw them through a window."

Print length

352 pages
Language

English
Publisher

Titan Books
Publication date

June 10, 2008
Dimensions

5.45 x 1.05 x 8.19 inches
ISBN-10

1845769279
ISBN-13

978-1845769277
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Editorial Reviews

Review

“Equal parts Hell’s Angels and Pauline Kael, Vern is a National Treasure!!!" - Guillermo Del Toro, director of Pan’s Labyrinth and Hellboy

“Film criticism genuinely gets no better than this. I would be jealous if I didn’t enjoy reading him so damn much” - ‘Moriarty’, Ain’t It Cool News West Coast Editor

• Advance praise for Seagalogy:
“We can't believe this actually exists, but the world is certainly a better place for it.” - New York Magazine

“Uproariously funny... the film book I never knew I always wanted to read."
Nerve.com

"There were many points in reading Seagalogy where I was suddenly laughing out loud, which is more than I could say for the smirky-at-best experience of reading SWPL and Douchebags... Vern might begin the book in an ironic Chuck Norris Fact–style context, but as he moves through the Seagal oeuvre, he falls into a weird sort of man-love with his subject. It's a real narrative journey, it's informative, and it's written in a clear voice with a consistent, tongue-in-cheek tone. This is a book that I want to hold onto forever; it makes me laugh, but it also has more value than dozens of other slapped-together humor books churned out by publishers desperate to acquire some tiny, melting slice of cultural currency." thestranger.com

"Seagalogy is a raucous, thigh-slapping and informative read that can murder spare time as easily as Steven Seagal can break peoples’ necks. In short Vern’s Seagalogy is an unexpected gem." --mania.com (Mania Grade: A. Maniac Grade: A+).

"With the obsession of a fan and the authoritative tone of a professor, Vern takes us through every film with attention to plot, themes, dialogue, influences and even politics... This book shouldn't exist in this form, it shouldn't be so wise-crackingly funny, but it does and it is." --denofgeek.com (4 stars out of 5)

"Now I had never heard of the author before breaking this book's arm, throwing its head through a car windshield and calling it a life. But now the duder will stay in my noggin since he has earned my respect via this affectionate, in depth and often side splitting piece of work." --Arrow in the Head (3.5 out of 4)

"Seagalogy not only made me laugh my ass off, but sent me to Amazon to buy some of the early Seagal DVDs I didn’t already own. This book is an instant cult classic." --Bookgasm

About the Author

As a frequent writer for Ain't It Cool News, Vern has gained notoriety for his unorthodox reviewing style and his expertise in "the films of Badass Cinema." His review of the slasher movie CHAOS earned him a wrestling challenge from its director; his explosive essay on the PG-13 rating of LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD prompted Bruce Willis himself to walk barefoot across the broken glass of movie nerd message boards to respond. Guillermo Del Toro, the director of PAN'S LABYRINTH, called Vern "a national treasure."

Product details

Publisher : Titan Books; First Paperback edition (June 10, 2008)
Language : English
Paperback : 352 pages
ISBN-10 : 1845769279
ISBN-13 : 978-1845769277
Item Weight : 1.02 pounds
Dimensions : 5.45 x 1.05 x 8.19 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #3,221,260 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #1,911 in Movie Theory
- #2,006 in Movie Reference
- #3,795 in Genre Films

Customer Reviews:
36 ratings

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5 star		71%
4 star		26%
3 star		3%
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Top reviews from the United States

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Dave Salle

Great, entertaining resource for the Seagal fan

Reviewed in the United States on February 22, 2014

Verified Purchase

I happen to enjoy Steven Seagal's movies, even his not so great ones. Seagalogy provides an in depth synopsis and commentary on all Seagal's work, inluding his musical career. For the diehard Seagal fan, this is an excellent resource. It's written with a funny and often profane tongue-in-cheek style that is a good match for Seagal's body of work. For a shorter review of Seagal's career, I also recommend the blog at DanRenoNovels dot com.

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W. Dolan

Reviewed in the United States on September 28, 2015

Verified Purchase

Hilarious. As a big Seagal fan I loved the humor and fun-making. Some great writing from an author who knows way too much SS minutia to have not been a huge fan at some point. A very fun read with genuine LOL moments..

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Brian R. Sheridan

The Textbook on Seagal Movies

Reviewed in the United States on June 16, 2008

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Most books like this one are slim one-joke affairs that primarily are made up of plot synopisis culled from press releases or IMDB. Vern has put all of those to shame with his SEAGALOGY. He doesn't skimp on content or fills pages with worthless filler. It is also hilariously funny without being obvious. He has a respect for Seagal and it shows through. If I could get my department chair to approve a course looking at the cinematic ouvre of Steven Seagal, SEAGALOGY would be my textbook.

7 people found this helpful

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CAPT Pirate Jon Watson

Fantastic idea, great writing and research...my movie man!

Reviewed in the United States on August 19, 2013

Verified Purchase

As a fan of Steven Seagal - film, music, martial arts, this book was the BOMB! great job Vern and I'd give you a list of my other entertainers to track down their movies...thanks to Netflix for providing opportunities to knock them out again.

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Ray

Fun book, especially the second (fifth

Reviewed in the United States on July 31, 2014

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Fun book, especially the second (fifth?) time you read it. As a fellow Seagologist, I applaud the effort. Left me wanting more though, I guess that's a good thing.

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Anna

gift

Reviewed in the United States on January 14, 2015

Verified Purchase

got this for a Seagal fan and he loved it

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Boudin Eric

Five Stars

Reviewed in the United States on October 13, 2014

Verified Purchase

perfect

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DarkSasquatch2

Hilarious

Reviewed in the United States on February 23, 2012

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Vern is my hero. Seriously, this and "Yippe-Ki-Yay Moviegoer" are two of my favorite books, and easily my two favorite books about movies. His style is so unique and fun to read. He writes it like he is talking to you, telling you personally about the movie. I'm not even a huge Steven Seagal fan, but I still adore this book.

One person found this helpful

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Top reviews from other countries

Not a critic

I enjoyed this book because the writer is a Seagal fan ...

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on April 23, 2015

Verified Purchase

I am not a Seagal fan. I enjoyed this book because the writer is a Seagal fan and fights his corner with humour, style and some insightful observations. At times I felt he 'Vern' was scraping the bottom of the barrel and putting a gloss on films that could not be glossed but the passion of the guy was so sincere. In the end I watched a Seagal film that was not Under Seige 1 and OMG it was bloody awful. So Vern I have bought your last book of film critiques (Title; Yippee Ki-Yay Moviegoer) because I like your style and your passion but if you gave me an ultimatum; to chop off one of my limbs or watch another Seagal film I would sharpen the axe for you. Honest chop away, take two, take a leg and an arm just please keep Seagal away from my dvd player. I do not wish to be disrespectful to Seagal fans and maybe he has too much mysticism or some such for me. It is a matter of individual taste and Seagal is the Marmite I have to spit out. Liked the book though.

One person found this helpful

A. Whitehead

Funny, amusing and strangely thought-provoking

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on July 11, 2008

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Vern is the guy who used to write reviews of action movies for Ain't It Cool News, mostly low-budget, direct-to-video/DVD stuff that most people wouldn't touch with a bargepole. Whilst writing these reviews he'd engender a lot of debate and flamewars with one exception: the movies of Steven Seagal. It turned out that there are many fans of the Seagal out there, people who watch his movies religiously, drink cans of Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt (his own energy drink) and listen to his albums whilst analysing the themes and motifs of his work. And some of them weren't being all cool and ironic. Fascinated, Vern set out on a mission to watch and review all of Seagal's movies. This proved difficult, as Seagal was entering his most prolific period to date. However, with his next couple of pictures delayed, Vern was finally able to catch up and write a book about his experiences.

This is a very good book. It's genuinely funny, interesting and, in its own way, incredibly barmy. Vern isn't writing serious film criticism here but he's also not taking the mickey either. He obviously respects Seagal (and given how many people he's thrown through windows over the years this is probably a good thing) and is genuinely interested in what makes his films tick.

An early discovery is that Seagal is a left-wing action star, which immediately puts him in a different boat to Schwarznegger, Stallone etc. His films usually don't portray America in the best light, and the most common theme between them is how corrupt the CIA can be and how the US' own developments in areas like WMDs are not really helping make the world a safer place. By analysing the motifs that repeat themselves in every single movie, Vern draws some interesting conclusions.

Most of the book is taken up by a film-by-film analysis of his works. There are 27 movies here, ranging from the very-well-known action flick Under Siege to the debacle that is Submerged. Vern clearly loves the early movies, when Seagal is younger, does all his own stunts and the plots are pretty straightforward, generally a variation on the "Bad guy killed his partner/wife or kidnapped his daughter/pen-pal and he has to sort it out," set-up. The first movie or two are generic action flicks enlivened by Seagal's slightly unorthodox fighting abilities, but very quickly we start seeing some of Seagal's iconic touches coming in as he becomes able to exert influence on the movie's direction. He starts wearing some rididculous outfits, gets a ponytail, and delivers message about karma. Vern points to On Deadly Ground as being a vital point in Seagal's movie development, namely the legendary bar fight scene where, having defeated his goons, Seagal suddenly neutralises the bad guy by playing a weird game with him and then engaging him in a debate about if it is possible to change the essence of a man whilst stirring, epic music plays in the background.

From then on, it's insanity all the way as Seagal stops some villains from blowing up a petrol station with a stick of dynamite by shooting the burning fuse off the dynamite whilst it's tumbling in mid-air, saves the USA from a horrific virus by spraying the countryside with flowers from a helicopter and travels across the planet to save his teenage pen-pal after he's sold into white slavery, even though Seagal hasn't actually been told this and just guesses randomly that something is up. Along the way, he plays cops, ex-CIA agents, ex-Navy SEAL chefs, and a respected expert in Chinese archaeology serving at Yale (but who actually turns out to be the male, retired version of Lara Croft). He fights the mafia, yakuza, corrupt government agents, drug-dealers and bent cops with guns, martial arts, swords, a snooker ball wrapped in a handkerchief and, on one bizarre occasion, a credit card. He throws dozens of people through windows and narrowly avoids enormous explosions on countless occasions. On one occasion he even dies, which is rather jarring.

You also find out more information than you ever needed to know about the formulation of energy drinks and Steven Seagal's musical career. I must admit I found the revelation of his musical background to be pretty cringe-inducing, but a quick trip to YouTube reveals that Seagal is a surprisingly accomplished guitarist, although his vocal range is limited. He even has a few decent reggae, funk and blues songs up there. I mean, Jimmy Cliff doesn't need to start worrying about the competition, but it's light-years beyond most actor-turned-musician projects (Dogstar comes immediately to mind).

Vern's central thesis, that Seagal is an auteur film-maker who imprints all his movies, even the ones not written specifically for him, with his own interests and unique sensibility in a way that Chuck Norris or Jean-Claude Van Damme do not, is hard to refute. This is partially what makes the book a success. The other part is that it is absolutely hilarious. Whenever Vern seems to be getting a bit too serious about his ideological analysis of the politics of the films or something, he'll drop in a casual comment or train of thought that will leave you giggling like a fool. By the time you reach the end of the book you can't help but agree with Vern that there is something interesting going on with some of these movies beyond a surface reading.

Complaints? Well, if reading a book makes you want to go and watch Attack Force or Submerged, it's probably not an entirely good thing. Also, the later DTV movies tend to blur into one and it's rather hard at times to care enough about some random awful film you're never going to watch to read a ten-page analysis of it, but Vern ususally drops in enough interesting analysis or comedy to make it all worthwhile.

14 people found this helpful

jamo

Great seagal book

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on September 28, 2011

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This is exactly the right tone for an analysis of steven seagal. Its not making fun of him and it doesnt try to pretend he's marlon brando either. Theres a lot of laughs in this book, some because of how crazy the films are and some because you realise theres more depth to some things than first appear. I always watch seagal flicks late at night on freeview (its always steven seagal season, every week, forever) and always enjoy them. This book is the perfect accompaniment to his movies and it also works if you havnt seen most of them because its describes the plots and analyses them, pointing out all the good stuff. I wonder what Seagal thinks of this book. I hope he likes it because I think its a really well done, respectful tribute that is well researched and fun. my favourite book of this year out of about 10 I read.

Martin Bull

A gem of its kind !

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on June 28, 2008

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I love this book !

OK, no-one's going to pretend that Seagal is Laurence Olivier, but 'Vern' treats his subject in just the right way. He's obviously a true fan but this book is no gushing, uncritical fan-job as so many of this type are. He makes a compelling case for Seagal's work while at the same time making many, very funny, asides about the 'action movie' genre. I literally laughed-out-loud throughout.
If you've ever enjoyed a Seagal movie, then do buy this book. At the very least, it will make you want to scour the DVD racks for more Seagal movies ; and that, to me, is the sure sign of a good book of criticism.
( Only four stars ? Well, that's only because there are no pictures which is understandable in that it's an 'unauthorized' work. So don't be put off....)

4 people found this helpful

Mike_206

Three Word Title

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on March 14, 2018

Verified Purchase

Brilliant, a humorous but affectionate assessment of the movies of Steven Seagal, A book for film buffs written by a film fan!

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