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Seeking the Storyteller (Hunters) (Volume 1) Paperback – March 16, 2015
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The book could use editing for various things. I had a PDF file, so I can't say if things were same in the Kindle version, but here's a couple examples:
Page 7: "Alix was disgusted by the thought.
The indent for the first paragraph is shorter than the indent for the start of the next paragraph here.
Page 17: "He crouched in front of, Yvonne and slowly looking him over."
Page 25: "He says that he was attacked first"
Page 34: "Other times, Fagan and Xaver would hang out at a bar, drinking tall mugs of beer that Alix would distasteful, preferring a classy, well-aged wine."
I understand how easy it is to miss an error in hundreds of pages. An editor would help catch more of those as well as help clean up other things. For example,
"Fagan - Randall to his parents, but only because they believed in calling him by his dreadful first name - stepped out of the driver's side and expertly closed his door without any sound."
They're just starting a hunt and the part about his name doesn't belong. It would be better to find a way to work it in, if necessary, another time. Or, better yet, show it. Have his parents use his first name when talking to him.
There was also something odd that I haven't seen before.
In places in the book a word will be crossed out. At first I thought this was perhaps the author making some sort of remark and then continuing on with the story, but then it also appeared in spots where that wouldn't make sense.
Page 91: "He tried to keep his voice steady but (it) this new information was a bit disturbing."
Since there are two authors, it makes me wonder if something like this happened while they were passing the document back and forth between each other and changing things, and somehow some of the corrections are still in the text with a strike-through.
And sometimes there's things that don't make sense. Cyn is given a button down shirt. She chooses to only button the top part so that her stomach is still exposed. Two pages later she's asking if she can have a coat because she's cold. If she's cold I would imagine the first reasonable thing to do is button up the shirt.
As far as descriptions, I usually had a description to go with a character except for the group of Scough. When they were introduced, there was a paragraph of description for them, and I wasn't sure which description went to which name for a lot of them.
There was a lot of repeatedly used words as well (everyone chuckles all the time).
There's also the issue of Alix and gender. I didn't care if he wanted to be considered male or female, but this is a tricky subject. For awhile it wasn't clear if Alix wanted to be regarded as male or female or if he didn't care what people called him, but by the end of the book it was clear - Alix repeatedly and consistently wanted to be considered male. He had a desire to go back to his previous life, but in his current state he wanted to be considered a man.
It's one thing for demons on another world to be uninformed and confused about it, but for the people around Alix it was disrespectful when they would change pronouns on him or decide at will to go against the gender he preferred to go by. Tackling a subject like this, it's necessary to understand what would be considered okay and what wouldn't be, otherwise characters can come off like jerks when they aren't meant to be. Luckily I don't recall too many situations where Alix was addressed in person as the wrong gender, although people did bring it up his original name several times.
There was one other issue that came to mind. I believe Cyn was supposed to be 15. I don't know the ages of all the people who expressed and interest in her, but at least a few of them were old enough that they should be locked up for it. I'm not sure how old Mira was, but I was under the impression she was pretty young, too.
All of that aside, I can say I did enjoy the story and I think there were a lot of good, fleshed out characters. The copy I had, at least, had many errors that were still included in the text for some reason. I think with an editor to go over it, and to comb through and get rid of errors, telling-instead-of-showing, repetition and inconsistencies, this could be made into an exciting, fast-paced adventure. There's a lot to work from and the world that was built up was fine and the characters were overall enjoyable. I'd love to see this book fixed up.
Right now, I think I'd give it about a 3.5.
By Jessica Walsh & Briana Lawrence
This is a fantasy story about “demons” who leave their own world and enter ours. The term “demons” is used to describe anyone from the alternate world whether they are friend or foe. Two “Hunters” (people who track down demons) named Fagan and Alix are given a tip to meet an old partner at an abandoned house with some important information. They arrive to find their friend shot to death and several demons hiding on the premises. They capture the demons and take them prisoner in their warehouse holding cell. Their names are Dox, Cyn and Haven. They each have very special abilities. Dox can move through the shadows and is literally the monster in the room when you sleep. Cyn is actually human but had a demon surgically placed within her without her knowledge that enables her to control plant roots and use them as weapons. Haven is a young man with a dragon tattoo on his arm which signifies a real frost dragon coexisting within him giving him tremendous power but little insight other than to not trust people and stay on the move. Beyond trying to figure out the murder of their friend, Alix has an ulterior motive in keeping them alive. The demons have knowledge of “The Storyteller”; a demon who can change your past, the present or the future all through sketches that appear in their notebook. Another demon arrives named Mira who fills in many of the blanks for the partners. She is not there just as a source of information; however, Mira seeks to recruit them all to help stop a war about to commence in the demon world that might spill into ours. She also promises a meeting with The Storyteller. There is action and drama as conflicting personalities try to work together with extreme difficulty. I’m not a spoiler but I can tell you there are some surprises and twists at the end that will make you yearn for the sequel. The writers do a masterful job of creating characters so dissimilar that you need to follow closely to keep track of them all. As the story moves along you learn more and more about each of them. The plot is gripping and holds your attention. This is a nice piece of fantasy writing with a fresh take on the theme.