- Hardcover: 320 pages
- Publisher: William Morrow; 1 edition (April 19, 2011)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 0061733512
- ISBN-13: 978-0061733512
- Product Dimensions: 6 x 1 x 9 inches
- Shipping Weight: 12.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
- Average Customer Review: 403 customer reviews
- Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #296,863 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself Hardcover – April 19, 2011
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“Neff’s compassionate tone makes Buddhist principles accessible, and exercises make them applicable in real life.” (Publishers Weekly)
“A portable friend to all readers—especially but not only women—who need to learn that the Golden Rule works only if it’s reversible: We must learn to treat ourselves as well as we wish to treat others.” (Gloria Steinem)
“A beautiful book that helps us all see the way to cure the world, one person at a time, starting with yourself. Read it and start the journey.” (Rosie O’Donnell, talk show host)
“An original and doable blueprint for improving the quality of your life.” (Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, author of Flow and Creativity)
“Neff’s powerful research and her ability to explain how self-compassion affects our everyday lives makes this book a transformative read.” (Brené Brown, Ph.D., author of The Gifts of Imperfection)
“This is an important book. Following its advice can free readers from the chains of self-criticism and replace them with the wings of self-encouragement.” (Steven Stosny, Ph.D., author of Love Without Hurt)
“In this deeply personal, highly practical book, Kristin Neff moves the entire study of compassion forward.” (Sharon Salzberg, author of Lovingkindness and Real Happiness)
“Drawing on a powerful blend of Western psychology and Eastern meditative strategies, Kristin Neff offers practical, wise guidance on the path of emotional healing and deep inner transformation.” (Tara Brach, Ph.D., author of Radical Acceptance)
“This book and its courageous and compassionate author will become essential reading for all of us seeking inner peace and true, lasting happiness in our lives. Savor and enjoy!” (Daniel J. Siegel, M.D., author of Mindsight)
“Brilliant! Self-compassion is a revolutionary new idea-a better idea-pioneered by the author, Kristin Neff, with profound implications for how to live our lives.” (Christopher K. Germer, Ph.D., author of The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion)
From the Back Cover
From leading psychologist Dr. Kristin Neff comes a step-by-step guide explaining how to be more self-compassionate and achieve your dreams in life
The relentless pursuit of high self-esteem has become a virtual religion—and a tyrannical one at that. Our ultracompetitive culture tells us we need to be constantly above average to feel good about ourselves, but there is always someone more attractive, successful, or intelligent than we are. And even when we do manage to grab hold of high self-esteem for a brief moment, we can't seem to keep it. Our sense of self-worth goes up and down like a Ping-Pong ball, rising and falling in lockstep with our latest success or failure.
Fortunately, there is an alternative to self-esteem that many experts believe is a better and more effective path to happiness: self-compassion. The research of Dr. Kristin Neff and other leading psychologists indicates that people who are compassionate toward their failings and imperfections experience greater well-being than those who repeatedly judge themselves. The feelings of security and self-worth provided by self-compassion are also highly stable, kicking in precisely when self-esteem falls down. This book powerfully demonstrates why it's so important to be self-compassionate and give yourself the same caring support you'd give to a good friend.
This groundbreaking work will show you how to let go of debilitating self-criticism and finally learn to be kind to yourself. Using solid empirical research, personal stories, practical exercises, and humor, Dr. Neff—the world's foremost expert on self-compassion—explains how to heal destructive emotional patterns so that you can be healthier, happier, and more effective. Engaging, highly readable, and eminently accessible, this book has the power to change your life.
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I am Bipolar with Histrionic tendencies and have struggled all my life with my self-image and an eating disorder. Guilt has always been my default emotion. Shame. All the things that one stuffs down with food. Or alcohol. Or shopping. Or any reckless, impulsive behavior meant to stuff feelings down so we DON'T FEEL them. And when I don't feel my feelings, I PUNISH myself. This has been going on all my life.
This book is changing my entire outlook, without confusing me or SCARING me to death. This is because it is so straightforward and common sense. I feel Empowered. And almost Brave.
This does not read as a medical/scientific text and I tend to be highly skeptical about these sorts of books. However, with this book I find few, if any, intellectual objections to the manner in which it is written or in how the studies and source material are not cited until the "notes" at the end. (This seems to be increasingly common and I often find it hard to stick with a book when the author is not forthcoming with sources within the text itself.)
But in this case, I am not bothered the lack of in-text acknowledgement of source material because there's really not anything to OBJECT TO or call into question within the text. All of the advice is sound. I've not read anything (so far) that is harmful or suspect.
The exercises are so simple and the advice will set your brain to sparking, esp. if you have a spiritual bent as do I.
I am eager to work my way through the rest of the book and am pacing myself so that I don't do too much at once. I will check back in when I am finished.
Buy this book and see if it helps you as much as it is helping me.
Trust me: THIS ONE IS. At least if you find yourself stuck in some struggle in your life that you feel is possible to be solved but you don't know how. If you feel fear of the consequences of doing something in your life you'll also find here what may be the origin and to heal this fear. This book is about being stronger, emotionally stronger, in a way that I didn't see any other author talk about. The subject of this book, I think, is the root for all the other strenghts we can have as human beings. I think that, without this, we can't be sucessful getting to the other strengths.
I've been lost in a depression for the last 6 years and I had read lots of books from the top authors on psychology, self-motivation, personal efectiveness and on and on. All I found was some strength to keep searching, but nothing EVER touched so exactly on what could be the reason and the cure for the bad emotions I had for all these years.
I'm sure that , for me , this book is one more piece of the puzzle I've been working on since my depression came into my life. But I can assert that it's the most meaningful piece so far. No doubt. Sometimes while reading I found myself avoiding the book because the transformation was being too intense in my point of view, but I noticed my pattern and kept on reading. It really was worth!
I could keep writing here for hours about how now I can see a path, a light, that I couldn't see before on some of the most difficults aspects of my life. Past and present aspects.
I strongly recommend this book to you, to anyone.
I'm from Brazil and I'm a bit sad that we don't have a portuguese version of this book yet, because I could buy at least one copy to every person that I like or love (truly, I would give also to the people that I could have any reason to don't like). If I was a rich guy I would give one of this to every psychologist on the world so that this practices could be used on their pacients alike.
Kristin, thank you for coming with this for the world! Thank you very much! Spread the talk about it as much as you can.
If you have been using CBT for anxiety and depression but have only gotten so far this book will finally help you see the path to real healing. After doing a lot of CBT reading I was slowly starting to cotton on to the idea that self-compassion or something like it was going to be the answer. The trouble is that while CBT incorporates elements of self-compassion it never clearly and explicitly outlines it, so the idea was kind of vague in my mind and I didn't know how to put it into practice.
I resisted the idea for a long time as well for all the reasons that Kristin outlines: it would make me lazy, self-indulgent etc. I strongly believed that beating myself was the answer. After reading this book I finally feel the peace that CBT alone could never provide.
If you tend to exaggerate or minimize your problems, beat yourself up, pretend everything is going ok when it isn't, explode at others, procrastinate as a way of dealing with difficult situations this book will help you tremendously, but you have to be open minded and believe what she says, just experience it for yourself. I can't rate this highly enough.