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Self Matters: Creating Your Life from the Inside Out Paperback – May 6, 2003

4.1 out of 5 stars 329 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

The well-known "life strategist" and TV personality Dr. Phil begins this upbeat self-help book by recalling one of the most unpleasant phone calls he ever had to make. In 1989, ten years into a flourishing career, McGraw called his father to say that, despite the outward trappings of success, he was miserable. His new plan was to move away and start a new career and a new life. According to McGraw, many people are currently in a similar situation-trapped in unsatisfying lives or jobs that they loathe. Too many people, says McGraw, are "so busy being busy, that they have let the colors fade from their lives." They're worried about superficial matters rather than what's important: "I'll bet 90-plus percent of them spent months, or even years, planning their wedding and almost no time planning their marriage!" To change their lives, McGraw's readers must first complete two questionnaires he designed to assess their "authentic self" and their "congruency" (how someone's current life compares with a vision of an ideal life). With the scores from these tests, readers can then embark upon a specific plan for changing their lives-and for determining which external and internal forces they will, or won't, allow to control their futures. Readers familiar with McGraw's aggressive TV personality may be surprised by this book's thoughtful and serious tone. McGraw's notion of making change is not a simple one-it requires readers to examine every aspect of their daily lives-and it's likely that some readers may not be able to make all the changes he advocates. But his book offers a thorough, realistic resource for those who are committed to turning their lives around to get what they really want and need.
Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Review

Dr Phil McGraw, known as 'Dr Tell-It-Like-It-Is' on Oprah Winfrey's Change Your Life show discusses self-esteem with a whole new positive approach, proposing a plan to become your best self rather than using low self esteem as a crutch. It is time to say goodbye to the nagging fears that keep so many of us from fulfilling our potential and see how endless our possibilities are. --This text refers to an alternate Paperback edition.
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 336 pages
  • Publisher: Free Press (May 6, 2003)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1615522638
  • ISBN-13: 978-1615522637
  • ASIN: 0743227255
  • Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.9 x 8.4 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (329 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #55,827 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Hardcover
As I psychologist, I am consistently confronted with clients who do not know "who they truly are." They come in, plop down in a cozy chair and after summarizing (sometimes over months) their difficulties and past traumas...they oftentimes feel more exhausted than "better." They don't feel "fixed." It's frustrating for them at this point and usually this leads to the inclination of giving up; feeling that that nothing can make it "all better" and they buy into the lie that "I am worthless!" If you have ever been in therapy, you may identify with this. If you haven't, then you may still understand the frustration that can derive from doing everything you can to "feel better" and not experiencing the "pay off" for all your effort.
That's why this book is so valuable. It breaks down the cycle of expectation - effort - undesired result - failure and explains, in no uncertain terms, the "formula" for knowing who you are; not who other people SAY you are, not who you THINK you should be, but who you are at the CORE. I consider this book a hands on tool to evaluate and understand YOU. It's especially helpful for those who feel any or all of the following:
1. I have spent so much of my life trying to please others and live up to their expectations, that I have forgotten and neglected who I truly am.
2. When I do muster up the courage to do something for myself, (take on a new hobby, career, etc.) I feel guilty that doing so would be taking time away from my family and/or responsibilities to others.
3. I have bought into the labels others have placed on me instead of defining myself on my own terms. I have become what others said I would become.
4.
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Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
I'm one of the few who has not seen Dr. Phil on TV except for brief bits and I have not read his other books. I bought this book because of its title, good reviews, and because I was undergoing severe problems with relatives that forced me to do research. Buying Self Matters was the BEST DECISION on a self-help book that I EVER made.
Dr. Phil's main point is simple: a person may be unhappy and tormented by internal pain but we create our lives "from the inside out." We have one shot on this earth and face a simple choice: are we going to live our lives as we would truly like to live them or are we going spend our time here being defined, "typecast," hammered down, discouraged, de-energized -basically, CONTROLLED -- by outside forces(relatives, friends, expectations and past events)? Do you live according to what he calls the "authentic self" or do you live a life and identity others have given you, much like a casting director fills a part? And how to do you find out what you REALLY want and who you REALLY are (not how friends and relatives typecast you)?

Here are several big reasons why you MUST buy Self Matters:
1. DR. PHIL WALKS THE WALK: He changed his life. Originally he'd start each day unexcited, not proud of who he was since "everything I was doing was chosen to please other people by meeting their expectations while totally ignoring my own...I knew I wasn't living the life I was meant to live." He realized he had "betrayed who I was and instead accepted a fictional substitute that was defined from the outside in. I betrayed myself, and mine was a life and an experience that was a fraud and a fiction."
2.
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Format: Paperback
I don't have anything AGAINST Dr. Phil, I just hoped it wouldn't
have a lot of really good food for thought, practical applications and wisdom in the straight, no nonsense approach that makes up Oprah's buddy, Dr. Phil.
Well, I couldn't help myself: this book is chock full of good stuff.
Not only that, Dr. Phil's voice rings through his writing so clearly that I can literally hear him talking to me as I read!
The approach in the book is very much a step-by-step approach working with a foundation of gathering evidence from defining moments in your life and then creating a plan of action through taking action upon positive, empowering choices instead of being "stuck" in the quagmire of your negative life history.
Dr. Phil reminds us to "Know your history so you can walk out of it."
He tells on himself more than once, describing his own episodes of "creative stupidity" which had me howling with laughter.
Another lightbulb moment for me and a pure "Dr. Philism" was the
reality that we are, in every moment, contributing or contaminating our relationships. Wow. That alone is worth the purchase of the book: especially in reading the supportive paragraphs.
Like I said earlier, I didn't WANT to like this book. The main problem there is too much tangible substance that I can use to apply to my life in a positive way that I can't help myself in giving it a high rating.
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By A Customer on December 22, 2001
Format: Hardcover
Dr. Phil McGraw's book, 'Self Matters,' has changed my life, and I truly believe that if given the time, attention and commitment, it can change anyone's life--the right way--from the inside out! I'm not one who believes in quick fixes or magical words to change my life--I've always known that if I wanted to do it, it had to be me stepping up to the plate. In 'Self Matters,' Dr. McGraw stands as a wonderful and steadfast guide in this journey of self-discovery--I never let myself down because I felt (even through the words on a page) that he wasn't going to let me down either. By guiding me step by step through the process of outlining why my life seemed jumbled and incoherent, I was able to discover how my decisions, moments and people (as well as my own internal dialogue) throughout my life have influenced and colored my present negatively and will continue to do so in my future if I don't change the way I perceive them. My 10 Defining Moments, 7 Critical Choices and 5 Pivotal People revealed SO much about why I've continued to make decisions that pulled me away from my authentic self and my true wants and desires in my life. Dr. McGraw helped me to admit to myself that since I could not go back in time and change things that happened to me, I had to reconnect with myself in a way that would allow me to move forward from the inside, putting myself in a place where I could function from my heart and soul. This book is not a quick fix nor is it something that will change your life overnight. It takes a concerted effort everyday until the tools and lessons become automatic and empowering. It took a long time for your life to get to the confusing place it is, it will take time and proper effort and commitment in order to free it from those chains. In 'Self Matters,' Dr.Read more ›
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