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Separated By Duty, United In Love (revised): Guide to Long Distance Relationships for Military Couples (Updated) Paperback – May 1, 2010

4.3 out of 5 stars 64 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

Review

"Of value not just to military couples but to everyone in a relationship."

About the Author

Shellie Vandevoorde was inspired to write this book after years of experience as a military wife and mother who continues dealing with the challenge of being in a long-distance relationship with her solider husband. During her own six-year army career, she was named "Soldier of the Month" at the 101st Airborne Division. She is currently involved in a range of volunteer work and has spoken for "National Women's History Month" in her local area. She lives in Savannah, Georgia.
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 224 pages
  • Publisher: Citadel; Updated edition (May 1, 2010)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0806531991
  • ISBN-13: 978-0806531991
  • Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.7 x 8.2 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (64 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #319,210 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

By E. M. Van Court VINE VOICE on April 1, 2009
Format: Paperback
The assumption that a service member's spouse is a wife was rampent throughout this book, and it got rather tiresome (especially for an Air Force husband of more than a decade).

Most of the advice was sound and well written, but very basic. She gives good advice, but most of the advice would benefit from a more detailed 'further reading' section, especially the parts about dealing with money and suspected infidelity. Despite this shortcoming, this is an excellent book for a new military spouse.

Regardless of disclaimers, the book was clearly written for military wives, not military spouses. What irks my wife, an active duty Air Force officer is the assumption that husbands don't need help, and are OK when the wife is away. What irks me is the implication that women shouldn't be in the military. To assume that the spouse is a wife is to assume that only men are in uniform. And by not making it clear that military husbands have most of the same challenges as the wives plus a few distinct ones, the statement is that men shouldn't be the ones on the home front. During my own military career, the female officers that I served with were, on the average, more competent than the males (although there were two or three that really tried to pull the rest down). It is not appropriate to send a message that these women serving our country in uniform shouldn't be there or shouldn't have husbands.

This one was good for new wives, but really struck a nerve for me.

E. M. Van Court
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Format: Paperback
This book looked great online. But when I went to a local store to take a look before buying it, I was very disappointed. The quality of the printing - particularly the paper - was absolutely terrible. On top of that, the book doesn't offer any special insights - it doesn't cover any new ground, have any sort of scientific basis, or otherwise distinguish itself. There are plenty of websites out there for military spouses where you can get the exact same information for FREE. The military has better resources for you and won't charge you for them, and they actually have some credible sources behind it. Don't waste your money on this book.
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Format: Paperback
Thousands of military families are separated by military deployment at any given time, and this book should be given to each and every family. It is easy to read, and it is chocked full of heartfelt, excellent advice to deal with many of the larger and smaller issues that are frequently a part of being separated by duty.

This book has thoughtful insight into the daily challenges that face military couples during a deployment. There are so many topics covered in this book that I am sure are almost never addressed with military couples. Most of the couples I have known just struggle the best they can through deployments, hoping just to get through it, to be emotionally and financially intact at the end of it all, with the loved one safely back at home.

This book offers a better way to guide your relationship and family through a military deployment. It offers much needed encouragement and advice from military wives and husbands who have experienced being apart in the military. I would have never even thought of many of the excellent topics it covers, a few of which are emotional issues, financial problems, childrearing issues and most importantly, understanding and nurturing yourself and each other while you are apart and when you reunited. "Separated by Duty, United in Love" is a real life commentary on very real situations that present themselves daily on the homefront in the military deployment experience. Reading this book may be the most important thing you do to nurture your relationship and family during this challenging time.
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Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I was hoping this book would actually address coping issues; instead, it basically relays the message of "You don't understand what's going on over there, keep busy, and support your solider no matter what." Not bad advice, of course, but I didn't need a book to tell me that. There's no additional insight in these pages that you haven't already heard. It's also 90% advice for married couples with children. And it's just that: anecdotal advice. Not an entertaining or challenging read.
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Format: Paperback
I bought this book because a friend of mine had it and mentioned how she loved it. Although the first chapter was decent, the rest of the book fell short of my hopeful expectations. She has no sources behind her advice so what you're getting is just a bunch of advice from random women with no other qualifications but military spouse. I never finished the book because I found more and more that her views about marriage were very different from mine. At one point she suggests that wives could send her hubby off to deployment with an adult magazine "to help their marriage." I don't agree with that and could not continue reading a book that supports what I do not. It seems like lousy marriage advice to me.
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Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Back when DOMA was still in affect, this book was only semi-useful, but now after the repeal, this book is a great guide for couples in the military. It really goes over the different things one can expect, from the more secretive jobs and the stress of a deployment. It also goes over budgeting and managing distance. It also goes over the more unpleasant things such as what to do when an affair has occurred and etc.
it's a good guide to help get through depression, to look for support groups, and really manage a family. I think this book should be read by soldiers and their spouses alike.
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