- File Size: 846 KB
- Print Length: 56 pages
- Simultaneous Device Usage: Unlimited
- Publication Date: June 12, 2015
- Sold by: Amazon Digital Services LLC
- Language: English
- ASIN: B00ZKDBHTA
- Text-to-Speech: Enabled
- Word Wise: Enabled
- Lending: Enabled
- Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #390,080 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
Sergeant at Arms (Winged Beasts Series Book 0) Kindle Edition
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Top Customer Reviews
"She pushed her food around on her plate. She needed to make some decisions like what the hell she was going to do now. She decided to go to a beauty salon and get her hair dyed. She would buy some cheap glasses at a dollar store, both plain ones and sunglasses. She couldn't hide her body so she would show it off, something she'd never done before."
That's five sentences in a row starting off the same way. It feels mechanical and robotic, as if someone is giving a recital or monologue.
I really like shifter stories and the premise of alien dragon shifters coming to earth to find their mate is a great one. The author could have had a lot of fun with them adjusting to earth's technology (like with the elevator), or struggling to understand idioms and figures of speech. It could have made for amusing banter between Davy and Jarel, but the opportunity was squandered. That 'zing!' moment where the two of them feel attracted to each other also never came through clearly enough, especially as Davy was initially not only attracted to Jarel but also Ranger (the casino manager). It was confusing how Jarel decided on her as his mate. Was physical attraction the only criteria? And he said he wanted the "right kind of female", but how did he know Davy was that "right kind" when she was practically a stranger?
That whole thing about Davy being in danger from her ex, Joe, who is a mobster, never rang true for me. The author failed to build up suspense and didn't convince me that Davy was in danger. Davy didn't act fearful or nervous, or even wary and cautious. She goes to the casino wanting to give them the information Joe has on them, but doesn't go straight to the casino owner, instead she decides to gamble! Somebody is out there trying to kill her, but she has no sense of urgency whatsoever! She takes everything in stride, doesn't seem to question much, doesn't even quibble at the thought of leaving her job, family and friends on Earth to move to Draconis with Jarel. Her reactions are not believable. There's precious little conflict in the story, making it very bland. Every problem gets resolved too quickly and easily.
I would say that this reads like a first draft, a good first draft but still a first draft. It needs a thorough rewrite to strengthen conflict, make the narration come alive, generate chemistry between Jarel and Davy. It could be a great book, but it has a ways to go.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
Series: Winged Beasts
Destination: Prequel Book 0., 57 Pages.
Author: Crystal Dawn
Reviewer: Ingrid Stephanie Jordan
Highly recommended read!