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Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself Hardcover – March 16, 2021
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End the struggle, speak up for what you need, and experience the freedom of being truly yourself.
Healthy boundaries. We all know we should have them--in order to achieve work/life balance, cope with toxic people, and enjoy rewarding relationships with partners, friends, and family. But what do "healthy boundaries" really mean--and how can we successfully express our needs, say "no," and be assertive without offending others?
Licensed counselor, sought-after relationship expert, and one of the most influential therapists on Instagram Nedra Glover Tawwab demystifies this complex topic for today's world. In a relatable and inclusive tone, Set Boundaries, Find Peace presents simple-yet-powerful ways to establish healthy boundaries in all aspects of life. Rooted in the latest research and best practices used in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), these techniques help us identify and express our needs clearly and without apology--and unravel a root problem behind codependency, power struggles, anxiety, depression, burnout, and more.
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--Melissa Urban, co-founder and CEO of Whole30
“This is the boundary bible. Nedra teaches us not only how to set healthy boundaries but to be clear about our feelings and intentions. Finding peace requires showing up—Nedra has written the blueprint on how to not only show up but also do the work.”
—Alexandra Elle, author of After the Rain
“If you want the most comprehensive, relevant, and relatable guide to setting boundaries, speaking your needs, and living a more peaceful life, Nedra Tawwab’s book on boundaries is for you.”
—Sheleana Aiyana, author and founder of Rising Woman
“The book on boundaries we've all been waiting for! Nedra Tawwab offers clarity and direction with grace and compassion on a topic often discussed but rarely integrated. If you're ready to live in alignment and shift your relationship with self and others, Set Boundaries, Find Peace is your next must read.”
—Vienna Pharaon, LMFT, founder of Mindful Marriage & Family Therapy
“Without healthy boundaries, we aren’t able to fully live the life we want to live. This empowering book provides a powerful road map for establishing expectations and personal limits so that you can live your life with the safety, respect, and self-actualization that you deserve.”
—Scott Barry Kaufman, PhD, host of The Psychology Podcast and author of Transcend
“Set Boundaries, Find Peace is a down-to-earth and practical guide on fully realizing your potential and giving yourself the freedom you deserve by clearly setting healthy boundaries in your personal and professional life, friendships, and relationships. Eye-opening and thoroughly engaging.”
—Myleik Teele, CURLBOX founder
"Tawwab debuts with a comprehensive guide on how to understand and establish interpersonal boundaries....She identifies six types of boundaries—physical, sexual, intellectual, emotional, material, and time—and dispenses tips on how to uphold personal limits....Readers who follow Tawwab on social media and those who find setting boundaries especially difficult will appreciate the advice."
About the Author
- Publisher : TarcherPerigee (March 16, 2021)
- Language : English
- Hardcover : 304 pages
- ISBN-10 : 0593192095
- ISBN-13 : 978-0593192092
- Item Weight : 15.2 ounces
- Dimensions : 6.26 x 0.98 x 8.25 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #931 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- Customer Reviews:
About the author
Reviewed in the United States on March 18, 2021
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Most of us do all of the above, depending on subject: the person who volunteers at a shelter but who can't allow a serious relationship; the person whose anxiety over loss, disaster, whatever, manifests as the total need for control; the people-pleaser who volunteers or says yes or who 'compromises' with EVERYTHING and ANYTHING because they have no boundaries- so others take the 'yes' as a 'yes' and then don't know why the person is angry later... and that person also doesn't know why they're upset. Then they feel 'crazy.' Yeah, because boundary issues are usually at the root of all of this.
Get some ideas. Maybe get some ideas on how to suggest that others examine theirs. Nedra Tawwab also has an Instagram account, so if someone can't get this book, at least maybe follow her on IG.
The book has exceeded my expectations in that I am able to use something from every chapter to improve my daily interpersonal relationship skills and am, as a result much more at ease with people. From seeing how my own behavior is affecting others to seeing how the behavior of others is likely not about me, it has been helpful. I liked this enough to send a copy to a friend.
I wish I had the words to adequately express how much this book has helped me in my journey towards finding true peace and empowerment within myself.
I grew up in a very enmeshed family where boundaries were completely non-existent. My impulse to do whatever I could to please everyone, and to try to be everything to everyone, was ingrained in me since birth. I gave pieces of myself away every day, and as I got older, I realized that I was empty. I had nothing left to give; but somehow, I just kept on giving.
Around eighteen years old, I had an epiphany when I learned what 'codependency' and 'boundaries' were. It hit me like a ton of bricks: I needed boundaries in my life. This was terrifying to me, because even just the thought of saying 'no' to people would leave me with feelings of excruciating guilt and anxiety. I imagined it would be unbearable.
I started to collect every book I could find on the subject of codependency and boundaries; and although I learned many new and enlightening things about these subjects, I still kept reverting back to old patterns. I had an understanding of codependency, and I knew I needed to start setting boundaries, but I still couldn't figure out how to do it.
Last year, I discovered Nedra on Instagram. Every one of her posts were so on point. It was like, all this time, the lightbulb was dangling over my head, but her words finally switched it ON. I was ecstatic when I learned she was writing a book. I thought, "Well, if her book is anything like these posts, that is what I need!". I signed up to be a part of the book's launch team, and that was one of the best decisions I've made for myself in a very long time.
The reason 'Set Boundaries, Find Peace' has been so much more helpful to me than all the other books I've read on boundaries, is that it is so clear and direct - which is exactly what Nedra explains you have to be when setting boundaries. The way the chapters are organized is very clean and simple, and the exercises really challenge you to connect with yourself, and get to the heart of the matter you're trying to work through. She emphasizes pushing through the feelings of guilt, and explains so concisely how guilt can trick us into believing we're doing something wrong simply by saying 'no', or asking for help.
On page 252, she says, "Remember: there is no such thing as guilt-free boundary setting. If you want to minimize (not eliminate) guilt, change the way you think about the process. Stop thinking about boundaries as mean or wrong; start to believe they're a nonnegotiable part of healthy relationships, as well as a self-care and wellness practice."
She also gives you the exact words to use when setting a certain boundary, and she doesn't leave anything to ambiguity. Not only does she include examples of real life scenarios where certain boundaries are necessary, she tells you precisely how to go about setting these boundaries in your own life. This is what every other book I'd read before was lacking. This is where the other books fell short. Nedra doesn't just give you the tools; she tells you, clearly and directly, how to use them.
I am so grateful that I got to be a part of this book's launch team, and even though I wish this book existed years ago, I am so grateful that it exists in the world now.
Give yourself one of the greatest gifts you ever could, and read this book. While I was reading it, there were times I had to put it down for a couple of days and really face some hard truths, but this is how we grow; this is how we ultimately find peace. We push through the tough stuff, and come out on the other side feeling more empowered than we ever thought possible; and this book will guide you through it, every step of the way.
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Allerdings sind die Instagram-Posts eben einfach nur kleine Schnipsel zum Thema. Vom Buch hatte ich mir mehr Tiefgang, Struktur und Hintergrundinformation, weiterführende Information erwartet. Es ist allerdings einfach nur eine Sammlung ihrer Instagram-Posts in verschiedene Kapitel sortiert.
Bei dem Thema Grenzen denkt jede Fachperson bzw. mit dem Thema erfahrende Person unweigerlich an Trauma. Das Wort und die Zusammenhänge kommen überhaupt nicht vor. Das finde ich von Nedra Glover Tawwab teilweise fahrlässig, da sie als Psychotherapeutin den Kontext verstehen muss.
Für absolute Anfänger*innen kann das Buch auf der Ebene von Verhältnistherapie und einfachen Tipps ohne Tiefgang hilfreich sein.
Allerdings finde ich es auch bedenklich, dass durch die Oberflächlichkeit der Autorin/Therapeutin die Menschen so in Abhängigkeit gehalten werden. Es gibt beispielsweise direkt Abschnitte unter dem Titel "Repeat after me", wo die Autorin den Leser*innen direkt Sätze vorgibt, die sie in bestimmten Situationen Wort für Wort nach sprechen sollen. Das kann in Einzelfällen natürlich manchmal kurzfristig hilfreich sein. Mittel- und langfristig fördert das die Abhängigkeit von anderen und in diesem Fall von der Autorin.
Für mich im Weiteren problematisch ist das aggressive Markting von Nedra Glover Tewwab. Sie bewirbt nun auch Walmart. Walmart ist eine der umstrittendsten Firmen der USA in Bezug auf Warenangebot (Waffen), unsoziale Arbeitsbedingungen etc.
Im Zuge dessen gab es auf Instagram einige kritische Kommentare, die aber sehr freundlich und konstruktiv formuliert waren. Nach einigen Stunden waren alle kritischen Kommentare gelöscht. Alle Kommentare die noch sichtbar sind, sind sehr positiven Kommentare.
Es gibt noch weitere Beispiele für ihr aggressives und manipulatives Marketing, das würde hier den Rahmen sprengen.
Dadurch hat sich für mich ein Bild ergeben, das zu der Oberflächlichkeit der Ratschläge passt. Es erweckt bei mir den Eindruck, das es nicht um echte Hilfe für die Betroffenen geht, sondern die erste Priorität das Image, die Karriere und das Einkommen von Frau Nedra Glover Tewwab ist.
Ich freue mich über alle Autor*innen, die erfolgreich sind. Aber das auf Kosten der Leser*innen besonders in einem Bereich in dem es um die psychische Gesundheit der Leser*innen geht, halte ich für problematisch.