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Showing 1-10 of 728 reviews(Verified Purchases). See all 905 reviews
on July 2, 2016
This was an extremely insightful read leading up to (ironically) my divorce. It helped me to more clearly identify what was going wrong in my marriage and what it would take to fix it. His descriptions of the different ways couples argue were especially helpful. He provides relationship strengthening exercises that can be done individually or as a couple. One exercise in particular provided a lot of clarity because my immediate thought on reading it was, "This seems like a really good idea, but the emotional toll it would take on me given the state of our relationship isn't a cost I'm willing to bear." That sober look at the costs necessary to repair my marriage allowed me to clearly see the pros and cons of staying in the relationship. Although we ultimately divorced, I continue to use the insight I gained from this book in evaluating the health and long-term viability of my dating relationships.
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on January 26, 2015
<i>Seven Principles</i> is a research-based book addressing a variety of marital difficulties. Gottman bases his advice on clinical studies—observable, repeatable, and quantifiable data—which makes the heart-directed core of his book all the more more surprising. It promotes a science of emotion and communication. It's a bit on the long side due to its many examples and descriptions, but it's worth sticking through to the end. The questionnaires peppered throughout the book are particularly useful at helping you diagnose areas which need improvement, followed by specific counsel on how to improve. In short: this is much more a workbook with assignments than a lecture or sermon to memorize.

That's why I recommend reading <i>Seven Principles</i> with a highlighter in hand. You can mark the passages in which Gottman gives specific advice/instruction so that when you revisit the book you can quickly skip over the filler. (The filler consists of examples and discussion of how research methods. You really only need to read those parts once. Identifying the applicable parts of the book quickly will help facilitate your revisiting the book for advice over time.)
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on September 7, 2012
I'm a gay male and had this book suggested to me by a friend. (who happens to be a relationship counselor) I had only just started a relationship and was still very much in the honeymoon stage. He suggested "The Seven Principles..." as a way to keep things going strong.

My partner and I both have a copy and both read it regularly. We participate in the exercises and reflect our actions and reactions against the principles laid out in the book. It's a hands on book. It doesn't just suggest what to say or do, but has exercises that provide a framework to learn more about your partner.

My partner isn't just the love of my life, but he is my best friend. I don't credit "The Seven Principles..." for making us great companions, but it certainly has helped to strengthen us and keep us such.

Whether you're straight or gay, married or dating, just starting out or 20 years deep, I strongly believe this book will be as helpful to you as it has been to me.
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on March 13, 2017
I was recommended this book by friends, and my partner and I have just begun reading it together. It offers insightful and practical information, but is truly a workbook - there are numerous exercises and questionnaires to complete that offer understanding and build connection. A great tool that I'm looking forward to using.
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on August 24, 2016
A must-read for engaged couples or couples thinking of getting engaged. Really focuses on how couples fight and how that can make/break a relationship.
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on February 8, 2014
The longer one is married the more one needs to deal with the changes in lifestyles, morals, customs, beliefs and behavioral changes in one's spouse and self. Very good read..and ideas for making the promise made kept...and how to bridge toes changing environments. The only parts if the book that is a non-plus are those pages with multiple questions asking you to circle answers..which when you are reading via an e-book..like a Nexus 7 it is impossible. Sure one could transfer the book over to a cuter and print pages and then take the tests..but it is not realistic. The books seems to relate to the first 20 years of learning the real personality traits and behavior of one's spouse, including dealing with the myriad of painful times that go along with each other..but strays from providing more definable discussions for those of us married for 55 years. While that in itself is a great tribute to the love and admiration, respect each of us has for the other...there are other annoyances which conflict relationships that is not discussed. Otherwise a resourceful and usable help in making marriages work better and lasting forever.
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on February 13, 2017
Dr. Gottman's principles are simple but they aren't easy. Some of the exercises are fun, others, not so much.
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on April 15, 2014
there is so much practical advise in this book.

most relationship books are based on a lot of theory of principles, but this books actually approaches relationship from a more science observation perspective. there are more statistics and numbers presented in this book than others.

this is a great book for couples and something i strongly recommend to all my married friends.
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on December 9, 2012
This book comes from the knowledgeable position of research into married couples from an observation methodology. I liked that especially well; it's not opinion-based. Once I began reading, I could see clearly how marriages I know that have failed do trot out the "four horsemen" and how admiration and friendship radiate in marriages I admire. I applied some principles in this book and some from "How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It" and saw an immediate positive difference in my own marriage. The only reason I give four stars rather than five is because this book approaches all the exercises from the assumption that the couple is equally interested in the "let's work on our marriage" perspective, which would not be useful for me. This is one element I like better about the other book. However, you can still do or partially do the exercises in this book without sitting down as a couple and "agreeing" to work on the marriage, and it will still have tremendously positive results if only one person makes a decision to do these positive things.
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on January 8, 2013
John M. Gottman has great suggestions that have supported my relationship with my husband. Of the "seven principles", my favorite is "Turn toward Each Other Instead of Away". I found the questionnaires inspiring and with Gottman's discoveries, I can see that my husband and I have strength in our marriage and our "emotional bank account" is full. I enjoyed Gottman's observations on couples he worked with and his tenacity to discover principles that can help couples experience harmonious relationships.

Another relationship book that I highly recommend is Ariel & Shya Kane's How to Have A Match Made in Heaven. Like Gottman, the Kanes write about sessions they have with their clients - with a BONUS - links to companion videos & audios of the Kanes working with their clients. So you get to "see" what you just "read"! I have discovered a sense of ease with all my relating since reading this book. It's an amazing book. I applaud both Gottman and the Kanes for writing successful books that support relationship.
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