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Showing 1-10 of 701 reviews(verified purchases). Show all reviews
on October 26, 2010
When I got this book I thought my marriage was doomed. After reading half of it, in a weeks time our relationhip/friendship has never been better! My husband is not much for participating, but I have found ways to "compliment" him in areas he's not so great at. I put a question in his lunch box with my answer for him to read. He comes home now and kisses me and tells me thank you for the note. Affection was an area of concern for me, and it's working. I've also realized how much of the issue was mine not his. I know a lot of ladies will roll their eyes at that comment but I believe taking responsibility where it's due. NOt saying our issues stemed just from me, but I was creating the issues I had with my husband. I would "flood" him with, "why dont' you talk to me?", "Why aren't you more open to sharing with me?" Why this why that and I would keep doing it until we had a HUGE blow out and he would start "Stonewalling" and then I would think he didn't care, then it continued on and I would keep it going by yelling at him, telling him he was an insensitive jerk.... The other day he came home from MI, and instead of "flooding" him with questions, I showed him how excited I was to see him, and didn't ask him anything. I decided to wait for him to open up because I know he's not much of a talker, another way I "comlimented" him and before I knew it he just opened up and told me so much more than me trying to DRAG it out of him. I have also realized just how "normal" of a couple we are. I thought we didn't spend enough time together. In fact, we have a better relationship than most couples now I believe. When I was taking the questionairs, we were passing with flying colors and I was confused at first and thought this wasn't right. But we are doing very well I've been realizing. I would freak out because our marriage wasn't like the movies, and didn't realize.... we have a great friendship! We "turn towards eachother" more than I thought.... and my husband does a lot of the turning..... My purception of what I thought a "normal" marriage was, was so dystorted and this book helped me to realize just how GREAT and LOVING, and just how WONDERFUL of a friend my husband is. I love him even more and appreciate all the effort he puts into our marriage now. My eyes have been opened. We've been through so much with not much of a dating life (pregnant after 6 months of knowing eachother), striving to get our credit together to buy a house, bought a house, not even a year later my husband was laid off, we lost the house in a short sale (I feel very lucky for that), moving from MI where all of our family is to AL, to being robbed 4 times in less than a year, and getting back into a house.... I'm PROUD to say we've been through this and we've gotten through it and are still getting through it and we still haven't lost eachother. I've realized what a great friend he's been to me through all of this. I love you sweetie. And thank you to Mr Gottman, this book is amazing, and I also loved how he wasn't sexist. He points out throught the book that a husband and wife both should do this, not "what a wife should do to save their marriage" Which frustrates me to no end. He was very clear about both sexes working together, but that its also not a competition. LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS BOOK I highly recommend it. You're eyes will be opened.
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on February 24, 2007
Seriously, the title above says it all. But for a bit more detail, we had a rocky first 5 years of marriage. We did counseling almost every year and still had a really hard time. Forget about "honeymoon period"--we didn't have one, even with a honeymoon! Anyway, my husband refused to read the book, but it was enough just for me to read it and realize we were headed down the road to divorce, which convinced me to change some of the things I needed to change (which is, of course, all you can do). Every now and then he'd allow me to share with him some of the key points from a chapter, which maybe helped him to change some things too, but I think the biggest influence was him seeing me breaking some of the patterns I had previously gotten into. We're Christians and I know some think you should only read Christian marriage books, but I disagree. All truth is God's truth and this book is a miracle sent from God, regardless of what you believe!!
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on February 13, 2000
If you can get past the trite "Seven Fill in the Blank Habits" title of this book, more than likely thought of by the editor and not the author, you will be rewarded by some of the best writing on marriages around.
I bought this book at the recommendation of a friend who isn't even married but thinks so highly of the book that she is using it for a current relationship she is in right now. I bought it expecting yet another "Men are From.. Women are From...." books but have been very impressed with the actionable insight the authors have about the dynamics of relationships and what makes them work.
I've already begun to use the exercises in the book to work with my Wife and am feeling very positive about the results.
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on September 2, 2013
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert

Before ordering the book I read the freebie part on "Look Inside". It looked fine, so I went ahead. Unfortunately the Kindle edition has severe problems. For the starters, the whole chapter 1 missing. By the end of page 10 of the chapter 2 (or, the Kindle edition's first chapter) the font also changed to italics - or, rather, didn't get changed back after a citation - for the rest of the chapter. Several sentences are jumbled or missing, and there seems to be some sort of extra mumbo jumbo (e.g. "a whole set of values. edx") left in as well. The piece I was able to read on the Look Inside had a conversation of Amy and Paul about flooding. Their conversation in the Kindle edition ends with:

"PAUL: I'll talk when--
AMY: It f a whole set of values. 5N3lyits your purpose.
PAUL: No, when you're not yelling and screaming and jumping up and down stomping."

Also, the 2nd chapter's last paragraph is, in total, the following:
'When a couple gets to the last stage, one or both partners may have an affair. But an affair is usually a ">compromise in'

In essence: The book may be good, but if you want to read it, do NOT buy the Kindle edition.
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on September 8, 2006
Gottman's writing is sincere and easy to read, and his content is phenomenal. He debunks several myths about successful marriages and marriage counseling, and proceeds to provide real, solid concepts and practical suggestions, including worksheets to take either individually or with your partner.

The single concept I found most eye-opening and potentially life-changing was that there really are unsolveable issues within every relationship - and there are ways of dealing with those issues, including understanding what areas of the issue are and are not negotiable, that make it possible for the relationship to not only survive despite the issue, but survive with humour, affection, and resilience.

If your relationship - doesn't really have to be a marriage - is struggling, this book has the potential to save it. If your relationship is a good one, this book can make it better.

Highly recommended!
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on November 23, 2010
Practical, straight to the point, well written, backed by research and results. Even if you're not married, every couple should own a copy.

This is one of the best relationship books I've read. What makes it extra special is the fact that the author has tested it with real couples from all walks of life. He has seperated the relationship myths from the facts (finally!) and shows you what works and what you need to work on. He also provides practical things to do to help marriages - and relationships - last.

From watching too many romance movies, to well intentioned advice from family and friends, women in general have preconceived notions of what a relationship should be like and how they should behave. Some of these myths aren't helpful for relationships. By reading this book, some of you will realise that your relationship isn't so bad afterall. Even if you find that your relationship is on the verge of collapse, it can still be saved. If it can't, this book shows you why so you don't make the same mistakes in the next relationship.

What this book has taught me is that how you start an argument is good indicator of how it will end. It shows that it isn't the "how he proposed to me" or "he bought me a big engagement ring" that matter, but the little boring things that add up - like whether he knows your favorite foods, when he does the dishes because he knows you're tired, if he is away for work but calls you to see how your day went, or you're upset about something and he listens. Those don't sound like wonderfully romantic things but they matter more than a wedding.

Us ladies like to convey ourselves as the victims when we argue with our partner but we are just as guilty with our style of being overtly emotional. But men aren't off the hook either - some men refuse the influence of their partners to their relationship's detriment.

The book improves relationships, saves marriages but also helps make them last - and cheaper than going to a therapist. If I could, I'd give it 6 stars.
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on February 16, 2002
We borrowed this book from the public library, to preview it. We liked it so much that we are buying it on today to re-read together, as needed. This is an excellent book on marriage. I was looking for some answers with my current situation, and I found more than what I hoped for here. It struck a great number of familiar chords with both of us, and has true to life examples than any couple will relate to. This is a definite "must buy" book for any married couple.
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on June 16, 2010
After 25 years of marriage, the relationship between my wife and I was probably typical of many marriages - we were living parallel lives under a single roof, united by children and our common goals in raising them. We were physically present but not emotionally present in our relationship; we lacked the depth, the emotional bond we once had.

If you have ever tried marriage counseling, you will be surprised to read what Gottman has to say about it; but you will realize his comments are the unvarnished truth. Typical marriage counseling is rarely effective (I was stunned to read his nearly exact description of the marriage counseling my wife and I had been through some months earlier!).

Gottman's book came highly recommended by my therapist. My therapist asks couples who wish to have counseling to read the book and work through its exercises. The insights Gottman's book offers are excellent. My therapist bases much of his work with couples on the book, and it becomes the basis for discussions with couples. The book has been a lifesaver for my marriage, and given me a new view of my existing relationship and a path for improving it.

I have seen so many of Gottman's observations in my relationship with my wife - some good, some bad - and I can only state unequivocally that anyone in a relationship will find this book a valuable resource.
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on July 2, 2016
This was an extremely insightful read leading up to (ironically) my divorce. It helped me to more clearly identify what was going wrong in my marriage and what it would take to fix it. His descriptions of the different ways couples argue were especially helpful. He provides relationship strengthening exercises that can be done individually or as a couple. One exercise in particular provided a lot of clarity because my immediate thought on reading it was, "This seems like a really good idea, but the emotional toll it would take on me given the state of our relationship isn't a cost I'm willing to bear." That sober look at the costs necessary to repair my marriage allowed me to clearly see the pros and cons of staying in the relationship. Although we ultimately divorced, I continue to use the insight I gained from this book in evaluating the health and long-term viability of my dating relationships.
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on January 8, 2013
John M. Gottman has great suggestions that have supported my relationship with my husband. Of the "seven principles", my favorite is "Turn toward Each Other Instead of Away". I found the questionnaires inspiring and with Gottman's discoveries, I can see that my husband and I have strength in our marriage and our "emotional bank account" is full. I enjoyed Gottman's observations on couples he worked with and his tenacity to discover principles that can help couples experience harmonious relationships.

Another relationship book that I highly recommend is Ariel & Shya Kane's How to Have A Match Made in Heaven. Like Gottman, the Kanes write about sessions they have with their clients - with a BONUS - links to companion videos & audios of the Kanes working with their clients. So you get to "see" what you just "read"! I have discovered a sense of ease with all my relating since reading this book. It's an amazing book. I applaud both Gottman and the Kanes for writing successful books that support relationship.
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