Enter your mobile number below and we'll send you a link to download the free Kindle App. Then you can start reading Kindle books on your smartphone, tablet, or computer - no Kindle device required.
Getting the download link through email is temporarily not available. Please check back later.
To get the free app, enter your mobile phone number.
Seven Seagulls for a Single Nipple Paperback – October 22, 2011
The Amazon Book Review
Author interviews, book reviews, editors picks, and more. Read it now
Top Customer Reviews
First off, this is the weirdest book in the 2011-2012 New Bizarro Author Series so far. It's also the best story featuring a talking nipple I've ever read.
This is one of those books I can hardly think of a way to describe beyond the summary. Like I mentioned, Wilmorn is a talking nipple that makes a pact with the Seagull Gods. His naivete is actually a little charming and nicely balanced by Stalin, the baby-faced lobster demon who was a serial rapist in a previous life. Yes, you read that right. No, I did not make that up.
It takes quite a bit for a book to make me shake my head in disbelief but I caught myself doing just that several times during this books slim 60 pages. Most of those were because of Stalin's actions. The ending was a bit of surprise.
Troy Chambers is a madman and I'll give him another shot sometime down the road. That's all I have. I don't really know what else I can say about this.
Troy Chambers' short, hilarious novella about a love-struck sentient nipple searching the streets of New York for the Lesbian-Nun Love of his life was one of the funnest books I have read in a long time.
The Nipple (named "Wilmorn") is accompanied on his quest by a baby-faced lobster creature with a foul mouth, a nicotine addiction, and an unusual habit (which I won't get into here, but was struck by the "Johnny-The-Homicidal-Maniac-esque" humor of the dialogue while he engages in it).
The book is funny and sweet, disturbing and blasphemous, and above all highly readable. I look forward to reading more of Troy's writings and I can't recommend this one highly enough.
One day, whilst tagging along on the chest of Badagris, the voodoo bad-ass priest and lead singer of the Haitian metal/europop group The Moshing Erzulies, Wilmorn the nipple catches sight of Sister Patina Beaver, nun in the Church of the Holy Menstrual Blood.
Wilmorn immediately falls in love with Patina. Determined to be her mate, Wilmorn makes a deal with the Seven Seagull Gods, who grant Wilmorn a nipply body; however, Wilmorn must kill Patina's true love within seven days or Wilmorn will become a lobster baby and servant to the Seven Seagull Gods.
The Seagull Gods are not without... um, compassion -- they provide Wilmorn with a helpmeet and guide: Stalin the nicotine-addicted, serial-rapist lobster baby.
Together, Wilmorn and Stalin take to the rough-and-tumble streets of New York City, first to find Wilmorn's love, then to find Jesus Christ and kick his ass, winning Patina's nunly love, overcoming (and raping) snooty young mothers and fathers, crack addicts, BDSM nipple fetishists along the way.
Seven Seagulls for a Single Nipple claims to be "The Little Mermaid" meets Hellraiser; indeed, Troy Chambers delivers on this promise. Combining the tragic grittiness of Andersen's original fairytale with Disney's lighthearted humor and Hellraiser's horror, Seven Seagulls is quirky, fun, funny, sad, tragic and incredibly entertaining. Troy Chambers has hit it home with this tragic, insane love story.
I can't wait to read what he comes up with next.
SCCCCRAWWWWWWKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wilmorn has just seen the love of his life. Unfortunately, Wilmorn happens to be the nipple of a Haitian musician and the love of his life is a frickin' nun! What's a nipple to do?
As fate would have it, Wilmorn's body likes to dabble in Voodooism. And by dabble, I mean he creates intricate rituals in his trailer and gets drunk off rum to commune with spirits. Wilmorn makes contact with a spirit and offers the rest of the body he is part of to gain an audience with the Seagull Gods. He makes a pact with them, which gives him seven days to kill the nun's true love to absorb their soul so he can be that love.
Failing means spending eternity as a lobster baby servant for the Gull Gods. That's a crustacean with an adorable little human baby head, and that's exactly what Wilmorn's given to assist and watch his progress. I wonder if the other lobster babies are as messed up as this chain-smoking, tail-molesting little bugger.
Seven days isn't very long to find someone. You don't even know her name. So hurry up, bitty booby, or look forward to becoming seagull food.
For a well contained story focusing on a single body part, I found a surprising cast of secondary characters popping up in the narrative. The Crack Lady of Central Park, Nipple Cultists, even Jesus makes an appearance.
Wilmorn does not appear a complex character at first. He was a nipple and that's all he knew before he entered the whole-bodied human world. He thinks on simple terms and when he encounters Patina, sister at the Church of the Holy Menstrual Blood, on the street, he knows he loves her. Simple as that.
The same cannot be said for Stalin, his psychological makeup could keep doctors busy for decades.Read more ›
Most Recent Customer Reviews
Soooooooo a talking nipple falls in love with a nun and makes a deal with the seagull gods. No not the opening lines of a joke just the premise of the most wacky bizarro book. Read morePublished on August 28, 2012 by Jessica @ Jess resides here
Lobster baby is one of the best characters in the history of the universe. If there was a Bizarro hall of fame(which there should be) there would be a giant bronze statue of this... Read morePublished on August 2, 2012 by Justin T. Grimbol
This book is literally insane. It's about an anthropomorphic nipple that falls in love with a nun and hangs around New York with a chainsmoking lobster. Read morePublished on April 17, 2012 by Meryl
Wilmorn is a sentient nipple on the body of a Haitian musician. When he makes a deal with the Seagull Deities to find the woman he loves, mayhem ensues. Read morePublished on March 27, 2012 by Sarah A. Shaw
I'm sure that when Troy Chambers sat down to write this novel, he went about it with the same kind of vigour that I read it with. Read morePublished on January 26, 2012 by Colum 'Dreadful Tales' McKnight
Top notch bizarro storytelling from the young (too young to be this good) up and coming bizarro talent Troy Chambers. Say what you want about him... Read morePublished on January 13, 2012 by Ash_Lomen