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Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What It Means for Modern Relationships Paperback – July 5, 2011
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“Sex at Dawn challenges conventional wisdom about sex in a big way. By examining the prehistoric origins of human sexual behavior the authors are able to expose the fallacies and weaknesses of standard theories proposed by most experts. This is a provocative, entertaining, and pioneering book. I learned a lot from it and recommend it highly.” — Andrew Weil, M.D.
“Sex at Dawn irrefutably shows that what is obvious—that human beings, both male and female, are lustful—is true, and has always been so…. The more dubious its evidentiary basis and lack of connection with current reality, the more ardently the scientific inevitability of monogamy is maintained—even as it falls away around us.” — Stanton Peele, Ph.D.
A controversial, idea-driven book that challenges everything you (think you) know about sex, monogamy, marriage, and family. In the words of Steve Taylor (The Fall, Waking From Sleep), Sex at Dawn is “a wonderfully provocative and well-written book which completely re-evaluates human sexual behavior and gets to the root of many of our social and psychological ills.”
- Print length402 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherHarper Perennial
- Publication dateJuly 5, 2011
- Dimensions8.06 x 5.33 x 1.04 inches
- ISBN-109780061707810
- ISBN-13978-0061707810
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Editorial Reviews
Review
“Sex At Dawn has helped me understand myself and the world so much more clearly.” — Ilana Glazer, co-creator of Broad City
“Sex At Dawn is the single most important book about human sexuality since Alfred Kinsey unleashed Sexual Behavior in the Human Male on the American public in 1948.” — Dan Savage
“Funny, witty, and light ... Sex at Dawn is a scandal in the best sense, one that will have you reading the best parts aloud and reassessing your ideas about humanity’s basic urges well after the book is done.” — Newsweek
“Sex At Dawn challenges conventional wisdom about sex in a big way... This is a provocative, entertaining, and pioneering book. I learned a lot from it and recommend it highly.” — Andrew Weil, M.D., author of Healthy Aging
“Sex At Dawn is a provocative and engaging synthesis... that has the added benefit of being a joy to read.... A book sure to generate discussion, and one likely to produce more than a few difficult conversations with family marriage counselors.” — Eric Michael Johnson, Seed Magazine
“You clearly have an exciting book on your hands, whether people agree with it or not: these are issues that will need debating over and over before we will arrive at a resolution.” — Frans de Waal, author of The Age of Empathy
“A wonderfully provocative and well-written book which completely re-evaluates human sexual behaviour and gets to the root of many of our social and psychological ills.” — Steve Taylor, author of The Fall and Waking From Sleep
“One of the most original books I’ve read in years, Sex at Dawn manages to be both enormously erudite and wildly entertaining―even, frequently, hilarious. . . . A must-read for anyone interested in where our sexual impulses come from.” — Tony Perrottet, author of Napoleon's Privates
“This paradigm-shifting book is a thoroughly original discussion of the origins and nature of human sexuality... These authors have a gift for making complex material reader-friendly, filling each chapter with humor and passion as well as dozens of revolutionary insights.” — Stanley Krippner, Ph.D.
“Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha have written the essential corrective to the evolutionary psychology literature...” — Stanton Peele, Ph.D.
From the Back Cover
In this controversial, thought-provoking, and brilliant book, renegade thinkers Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá debunk almost everything we “know” about sex, weaving together convergent, frequently overlooked evidence from anthropology, archaeology, primatology, anatomy, and psychosexuality to show how far from human nature monogamy really is. In Sex at Dawn, the authors expose the ancient roots of human sexuality while pointing toward a more optimistic future illuminated by our innate capacities for love, cooperation, and generosity.
About the Author
Christopher Ryan, PhD, is a research psychologist. He lives in Barcelona, Spain.
Cacilda Jethá, MD, is a practicing psychiatrist. She lives in Barcelona, Spain.
Product details
- ASIN : 0061707813
- Publisher : Harper Perennial
- Publication date : July 5, 2011
- Edition : Reprint
- Language : English
- Print length : 402 pages
- ISBN-10 : 9780061707810
- ISBN-13 : 978-0061707810
- Item Weight : 10.4 ounces
- Dimensions : 8.06 x 5.33 x 1.04 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #28,730 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #6 in Medical Psychology of Sexuality
- #18 in Psychology & Counseling Books on Sexuality
- #55 in Sex & Sexuality
- Customer Reviews:
About the authors

Discover more of the author’s books, see similar authors, read book recommendations and more.

Christopher and his work have been featured just about everywhere, including: MSNBC, Fox News, CNN, NPR, The New York Times, Playboy, The Washington Post, Time, Newsweek, The Atlantic, Outside, Salon, Seed, Big Think, and Andrew Sullivan’s Daily Dish.
Chris has been a featured speaker all over the world, from TED in Long Beach, CA to Ciudad de las Ideas in Mexico, to the Festival of Dangerous Ideas at the Sydney Opera House. He's consulted at various hospitals, provided expert testimony in a Canadian constitutional case, and contributed to publications both scholarly and popular.
Even before co-authoring the New York Times best-seller, Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What it Means for Modern Relationships, with partner-in-crime, Cacilda Jethá, MD, he was on a wild ride. After receiving a BA in English and American literature in 1984 he spent several decades traveling around the world, pausing in unexpected places to work at decidedly odd jobs (e.g., gutting salmon in Alaska, teaching English to prostitutes in Bangkok and self-defense to land-reform activists in Mexico, managing commercial real-estate in New York’s Diamond District, helping Spanish physicians publish their research). In his mid-30s, Chris decided to pursue doctoral studies in Psychology.
Drawing upon his multi-cultural experience, Chris' research focused on distinguishing the human from the cultural, first by focusing on shamanism and ethnobotony—studying how various societies interact with novel states of consciousness and sacred plants—and later, by looking at similarly diverse cultural perspectives on sexuality. His doctoral dissertation analyzed the prehistoric roots of human sexuality, and was guided by the world-renowned psychologist, Stanley Krippner, at Saybrook Graduate School, in San Francisco, CA.
More at ChrisRyanPhD.com
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Cacilda Jethá has an Indian face, a European education, and an African soul. She was born in Mozambique to a family that had immigrated two generations earlier from Goa, India. As a child, she fled civil war to Portugal, where she received most of her education and medical training before returning to Mozambique in the late 1980s. A young physician determined to help heal her country, Cacilda spent seven years as the only physician serving some 50,000 people in a vast rural district in the north of the country. While there, Cacilda also conducted research (funded by the World Health Organization) on the sexual behavior of rural Mozambicans in order to help design more effective AIDS prevention efforts.
After almost a decade in Mozambique, Cacilda returned to Portugal, where she completed her medical residency training in both psychiatry (at the prestigious Hospital de Julio de Matos in Lisbon) and occupational medicine.
She and Christopher Ryan currently divide their time between Portland, Oregon and Barcelona, Spain. She speaks Portuguese, French, Spanish, Catalán, English, and some rusty Swahili.
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Customers find this book engaging and easy to read, with an incredible body of research and fascinating insights into human nature. Moreover, the writing style is informal and playful, making it a thought-provoking exploration of human sexuality. Additionally, customers appreciate the book's humor, with one noting it's the first anthropology book that made them laugh.
AI Generated from the text of customer reviews
Customers find the book easy to read and thoroughly engaging.
"...Great read!" Read more
"...Overall, it's an entertaining, quick read, but not without flaws in some of its claims and conclusions...." Read more
"...Whether you agree with the authors or not, it remains a great read and highly recommended." Read more
"Interesting and provocative read. Helps one understand why we are the way we are and feel less guilty for sexual desire and urges...." Read more
Customers praise the book's research quality, highlighting its incredible body of scientific information and great insights, with one customer noting it provides a good overview of a neglected set of evidence.
"...a graduate student of cultural anthropology I found this work to be informative, accessible, and entirely necessary...." Read more
"...Coontz's History of Marriage is far, far superior - that is well researched and responsible." Read more
"Well researched and well written. Provides the basis for understanding why monogamy is such a challenge...." Read more
"Well written. Moves. Informative and occasionally funny. Didn't think it would be this good...." Read more
Customers find the book thought-provoking and enlightening, with one customer noting it provides a refreshing view on true human nature.
"...At times the text is a bit academic, but it is thought provoking, you have to give it that." Read more
"Such a great book. Enlightening but also sad that we have strayed so far from our peaceful, egalitarian nature." Read more
"...have to agree with every argument in this book, but it's certainly liberating and refreshing to encounter an honest discussion of our favorite..." Read more
"Everyone should read this book! Informative, enlightening, mind blowing - this book turned the world inside out and made sense of our set-up-for-..." Read more
Customers appreciate how the book explores human sexuality, providing a thought-provoking view of sexual behavior, and one customer notes it offers a new perspective on female bodies.
"Interesting point of view in human sexual behavior...." Read more
"Such an interesting look at human sexuality. Really made me rethink some of what I believe and consider where our sexuality comes from...." Read more
"...their reviews, or slams, as the case may be.. There was a lot to digest in Sex at Dawn, information from a variety of fields...." Read more
"...talk openly and honestly with their partners, and negotiate sexual boundaries...." Read more
Customers appreciate the writing style of the book, describing it as well-written, engaging, and concise, with one customer noting its intellectual and research-based approach.
"...On to the things I am qualified to judge! This book is well written, highly entertaining and interesting and don't believe the authors are trying to..." Read more
"...No going back now, though. Well written but probably too long by half, citing endless examples to make its case when a few would do just nicely...." Read more
"...That said, the remainder of it was very well written...." Read more
"An intriguing and well written book that questions so many of our societal assumptions about sexuality. Worth reading through multiple times." Read more
Customers find the book interesting, with one customer noting how complex subjects are analyzed and another mentioning how it brings sense to an otherwise impossible subject.
"...While this is an interesting topic, once you get beyond the initially presented case studies, the subsequent material seems sort of of dull and..." Read more
"While a relatively easy read and presenting some interesting and new (to me) information, I didn't really see a central idea here other than people..." Read more
"Fantastic read that leads with science supported by interesting questions regarding the status quo. Again, fantastic read." Read more
"...First, the book is extremely well written. Complex subjects are analyzed and explained clearly and concisely, and wonderful examples and metaphors..." Read more
Customers appreciate the book's humor, noting that the authors have a great sense of humor and write in a playful style.
"...Stylistically, Sex at Dawn is superior – it’s funny, playful, and ambitious – while Sex at Dusk starts very slow, is more academic and relatively..." Read more
"...Funny, poignant, and full of information. I've read it twice and both times could not put it down." Read more
"This is an amusing and light read, salted with sarcastic quips and, of course, covering a salacious topic...." Read more
"...The authors simply, concisely, and with humor, lay out why monogamy is such a struggle for so many people...." Read more
Customers find the book's arguments compelling and well-supported by examples and research.
"Well written and accessible. Puts forth a compelling argument that challenges the dominant paradigm of human sexuality...." Read more
"Good story telling. However, the science presented poorly represents the current knowledge...." Read more
"...is a fascinating read, which covers a lot of ground and makes some very compelling arguments...." Read more
"...The authors argue that this narrative cannot be explained by evolutionary biology but rather is a cultural phenomenon shaped by the agricultural..." Read more
Reviews with images
Fantastic book, really opened my eyes to a new way of thinking.
Top reviews from the United States
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- Reviewed in the United States on January 1, 2011Format: HardcoverVerified Purchase(Hey! Hey, baby, baby, waitwaitwaitwait. Wait. Wait! Baby, don't... don't freak out
Okay, okay, I know what this looks like, but I can explain! Quiet, Chad, let me handle this. I can explain! I'm just - please, stop crying and listen - I'm just fulfilling my evolutionary heritage and helping to cement social bonds with... um... the pizza boy, but that'snotthepoint!! That's not the point! Look, before you do anything, y'know, drastic, you just need to read this book....)
Humans are really good at figuring things out. As far as we go, we have a real knack for taking things apart and figuring out how they work. Though determined curiosity and perseverance, we know what's happening at the center of the sun, we know how the continents slide across the surface of the earth, how plants turn sunlight into potatoes. We can smash atoms and cure disease and peer back to the moment of creation itself. There is almost nothing that humans cannot comprehend if we put our minds to it.
Except ourselves.
Don't get me wrong - we have made great strides in philosophy and psychology, and come very far in understanding human origins and our spread across the planet. But there is a fundamental problem that we have when we study ourselves, and that is that we cannot do so objectively. Try as we might, it is impossible to completely put aside our own biases, judgments and backgrounds when we study how humans behave and try to understand why they do what they do. They are still there, if you look for them, and nowhere are they more evident than in the search for the origins of foundations of human sexuality.
The standard model, as it's often called, goes something like this: ancient men and women established a pattern of monogamy based on mutual self-interest. The man would keep to one mate in order to be absolutely sure that he was dedicating his efforts towards raising his own kids and not someone else's. If a man had multiple partners, he wouldn't be able to provide for them all, and his genetic investment would die out. So, in terms of efficiency, it is much better for the man to keep himself to one woman, focusing all his attention on the children he knows he has fathered and making sure they live to have children of their own.
As far as women are concerned, they require the resources that the men bring. When pregnant, a woman's physical capacities are reduced and she is in a vulnerable state, so by staying monogamous, she is essentially purchasing security and resources that would otherwise be unavailable to her in a world that brought quick and merciless death to the weak. If she slept around, the man wouldn't be sure that the child she bore was his, and would therefore have less interest in taking care of the both of them. Thus, monogamy is the best bet to assure the survival of herself and her child.
This is the story that's been told for a long time, and it's considered by most to be the truth. Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha, however, disagree. Not only do they think the standard model is wrong, but they think it is nothing more than a relic of our own modern biases and hang-ups. The process, they say, can be referred to as "Flintstonization."
As you know, the characters in "The Flintstones" were more or less just like us. They went to work, they had houses and appliances and domestic disputes. They had the same issues and amusements as we did, because we overlaid our own society onto a prehistoric setting. Now in cartoons, that's good entertainment, and in the right hands it can be used as powerful satire and commentary. In science, though, it's just no good.
Starting with Darwin, people have imagined prehistoric humans to have the same sexual values that we have: a demure, reluctant female who is very choosy in deciding which male she will mate with. A bond forms, and they are faithful to each other until the end of their days. Later researchers, looking at our ape cousins, have plenty of observational research to support the idea that very early humans were monogamous. They look at chimps and gorillas and baboons and confirm what they had always suspected - that our natural sexual state is one of monogamy.
The logical conclusion, then, is that our modern attitude towards sexuality, with the rising rates of divorce and teen sexuality, represents a deviation from the way things "should" be, and must therefore be fixed. A loveless marriage, a man's roving eye, a woman who cuckolds her husband, serial monogamists, all of these, according to the standard model, result from our attempts to go against our nature.
Or is it the other way around?
Ryan and Jetha have put together a very compelling argument that the standard model of pre-agricultural human sexuality is not only wrong, but dangerously so. By looking at modern foraging tribes and the way they live, as well as doing a comparative analysis of humans against our nearest ape cousins, they have come to this conclusion: our "natural" sexual state is one of promiscuity. Back in the day, communities were small and tightly bonded, and sex was one of the things that held those bonds tight. Rather than one man and one woman struggling to protect their own genetic line, their entire community made sure that children were cared for and raised well. Everyone was everyone else's responsibility, and in a world of plenty there was no reason to try and enforce any kind of sexual exclusivity.
It was only with the rise of agriculture that it became important to know what was yours, as opposed to someone else's, and that quickly extended from fields and livestock to wives and children. Now that people were keeping their own food and making sure to divide their lands from their neighbor's lands, sharing went out of style. With so much work put into growing crops, that's where the standard model of economic monogamy settled in, and it's been with us ever since. The advent of agriculture changed everything, and not everything for the better.
In addition, the very biology of humans, from the way sperm behaves to the shape of the penis, to the anatomy of the clitoris to the noises women make in the throes of orgasm - all of these point to an evolutionary history of sexual promiscuity. The evidence of our bodies tell us that being locked into a lifetime monogamous pair-bond is not what we evolved to do.
Ryan and Jetha know that their view of the fundamental nature of human sexuality will not be popular, mainly because it completely undermines our vision of who we are. So much law, tradition, education, entertainment and just plain common sense relies on humans being naturally monogamous. It's something that seems so obvious to us that we cannot imagine a society built any other way. Unfortunately, if Ryan and Jetha are right, society is the problem. We have established a cultural norm that goes completely against our biological and evolutionary nature, and which makes people miserable on a daily basis.
I bought this book mainly to stop Dan Savage from nagging me about it. If you listen to Savage's podcast - and you should - you will soon realize that monogamy is something that a lot of people aren't good at. We look at other people with lust in our hearts, we cheat, we stay in relationships where we're sexually miserable just because that's what we "should" do. For most people, our sexual urges are to be fought against, with everything from self-restraint to social shame to law itself. It seems like staying monogamous is one of the hardest things for many people to do.
This, of course, raises the question: if it were natural, would it really be so hard?
It is a fascinating read, which covers a lot of ground and makes some very compelling arguments. It's also quite funny in places, which was quite welcome. In discussing the standard model the authors note that this is, fundamentally, prostitution, wherein the woman uses sex for material resources. This sexual barter system has been assumed to be true for years, leading the authors to write, "Darwin says your mother's a whore. Simple as that." They also put in some special notes for adventurous grad students in the field of sexual research (especially genital to genital rubbing, something popular in bonobo apes, but which is rarely studied in humans) and re-titling the extremely popular song "When A Man Loves a Woman" as "When a Man Becomes Pathologically Obsessed and Sacrifices All Self-Respect and Dignity by Making a Complete Ass of Himself (and Losing the Woman Anyway Because Really, Who Wants a Boyfriend Who Sleeps Out in the Rain Because Someone Told Him To?)"
I don't really know what can be made of the serious information proposed in this book. No matter how it may seem, the authors are not proposing a dissolution of marriage or compulsory orgies or anything like that, nor is this book a "Get Out of Cheating Free" card. We've spent thousands of years putting these restraints on human sexuality, and they're not going to come off anytime soon. The best we can do right now is to be aware of where our ideas about relationships come from, and stop to think about the difference between what is true and what we wish were true. This understanding might help to save relationships that would otherwise work. People cheat not because they're scum or whores, but because they're human. Being monogamous is really hard not because we're weak or flawed, but because it's not what our bodies want for us.
The search for a better understanding of human nature should lead us to being better humans, and nothing should be left out. Not even our most sacred beliefs. Not even sex.
------------------------------------------------
"Asking whether our species is naturally peaceful or warlike, generous or possessive, free-loving or jealous, is like asking whether H2O is naturally a solid, liquid or gas. The only meaningful answer to such a question is: It depends."
- Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha, Sex at Dawn
------------------------------------------------
(Okay? Okay, baby? So you see, I wasn't really cheating - okay, I was, but you can see why, right? I was just acting in accordance with my fundamental humanity, following the biological impulses as determined by millions of years of evolution when we... Hey, where are you going? Where are you? Oh, hell, he's going for the shotgun. Run, Chad, leave your pants, you don't have time, run!)
- Reviewed in the United States on January 8, 2011Format: HardcoverVerified PurchaseI loved this book. I am an evolutionary psychologist; but many of my colleagues were upset that the book challenges so many basic assumptions of EP. I say "Bravo". It has been my feeling that my science had been "hijacked" by "neo-cons" --people looking to cram EP into supporting their conservative "American Way" agenda, based on the war-like behavior of chimps and the monogamy of baboons. These EP scientists (unable to think "outside the box") believe that conflict is the most natural dynamic of humanity ---which is, strangely, very similar to the "born of sin" dynamic that has so controlled American thinking since the time of the Puritans. In fact, the book, pointedly, refers to primatologist DeWaal's term for these "unnaturally" pessimistic scientists: the "Calvinist Sociobiologists".
But as "herd animals" (more precisely "troop animals"), humans survived ONLY by intelligently cooperating. That should be obvious. How else ---when, daily, we had to face so many larger and more agile predators ---than by working with team-like precision do we survive? And why would evolution design a species where its male and the female members are designed to be naturally conflicted? Certainly, some kind of yin-yang complementarity should, more logically, be the rule when the whole point of evolution is to have the genders come together? At last, here's a book that properly shows the much stronger connection between humans and bonobos (than between humans and chimps) ---and, in so doing, emphasizing inter-gender harmony and tribal cooperation. At last, a book that says ---and soundly proves---the obvious fallacies of traditional EP thinking, based on a "Flintstonization" of human prehistory.
The only place the book gets "carried away", is when it tries to undercut the base principle of Evolutionary Psychology altogether ---succinctly, the principle that every baby coming into the world carries with it the "default program" of our species as described by our Stone Age hard-wiring. They gave much too much credence to, what has been termed, "rapid human evolution", in their attempt to undercut this most fundamental EP concept. (Didn't the authors stop to think that, if they succeeded in this attempt, and it turned out that there is no basic "human nature" at all, then their whole book is as irrelevant as the old model of EP which they succeeded in undercutting ----i.e. who cares what we were like if we're not that way anymore?)
I hope the authors read the latest research laid out in the October 2010 Scientific American ("How We Are Evolving"). The answer turns out to be "glacially slow", which is in complete agreement with the basic premise of EP. And that is great news! It means that the beautiful people described in "Sex At Dawn", as the core of our humanity do, really and truly, represent a kind, cooperative "hard-wired" nature within us. We can now begin to focus on the real culprit ---the poorly designed "human zoo" which we've built around ourselves since the time of agriculture and fences to fight over. It's the particular artificial environments we have, haphazardly, thrown together, and then "caged ourselves within" that bring out a perverted, conflicted, and selfish counterfeit of our real nature that is, inherently, self-destructive. "The Human Zoo" has brought out the worst in us! Dare we now consider the remedy of a "Naturalistic Enrichment" of our human zoo (which is, by the way, the basic zoological principle for helping other animals learn to cope with, and even thrive within their particular zoo environments)? Primatologist DeWaal has argued (in hia own excellent book, "Our Inner Ape") that humans would do better within environments that most closely simulate the hunter-gatherer environment that originally shape our psychology (which is, really, so simple, its almost tautological). This new research supports this idea, and the possibility for a bright future, at last, to a species so lost and disconnected ever since it separated from its Wild environment.
We're, at last, beginning to untangle the deep knots we have created for ourselves, and that have so tangled our best aspirations (beating ourselves up over unnatural monogamy, for one). AND THIS BOOK IS ONLY THE BEGINNING of a new "back to Nature" revolution that I see as being guided, not (like the old one) by hopelessly idealistic "hippies", but by sound "natural science psychology" ---a revolution that will never go away, any more than Galileo's now universally-accepted pronouncement of the sun's central location (despite then massive religious interests united against it for hundreds of years). Science always wins in the end! Our pessimistic belief in our deep "badness" has gotten us nowhere. Maybe what we conceive of as "good" is not "from the sky", but, rather, a deep hard-wired remembrance of who we really are (and from where else COULD such an deep mind-set be derived?) This is a time for a new realistic optimism we so desperately need (and, truly, "the real" should always, at least, try to approach "the ideal" ---i.e even a good mousetrap is just a step towards a better one!) So, who knows, maybe McCartney's "Get Back to Where You Once Belonged" may become the new guiding mantra for our times.
Top reviews from other countries
TheracoReviewed in Canada on August 11, 20255.0 out of 5 stars Facinating
Format: PaperbackVerified PurchaseExcellent.
MorgothReviewed in Germany on May 19, 20255.0 out of 5 stars Very good
Format: PaperbackVerified PurchaseI think the book is not for everybody. I was interested more for his scientific aspect. I have to be honest, I think some parts are not really convincing but I do share many of the theories the book states. I suggest to everybody with a curious mind.
Fiona Ventura !Reviewed in the United Kingdom on August 20, 20135.0 out of 5 stars I am not the sort of person ...
Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase... who makes a habit of indulging in the type of review upon which I am about to embark. But there comes a point - at least one - in everyone's life where some of the personal tenets by which one has hitherto existed are obliged to take second place to a stronger force. And that stronger force is reverence. For the first time in my life. A reverence of such utter clarity and profundity that I fair wept at the words contained within this book's pages.
I will try not to overstate things. I realise that the authors must be accustomed to correspondence of this type and I detest sycophancy (although please let me assure you that nothing I say should be regarded as being anywhere near to such). But I must congratulate them; they need congratulating - that is not meant to sound patronising; they DESERVE congratulations. The wisdom, intelligence and downright common sense behind their writing shine through every page. They might be humble and 'scientific' enough not to state blindly that everything they say is correct but I am not subject to the same barriers and I can tell you that it ALL makes perfect sense and IS correct.
And above all, they have been true to Nature. We, as a species, are becoming more and more divorced from the rawness - the beauty - of Nature. And we are suffering tremendously as a result. And increasingly so. It was Jung who wrote, “Too much of the animal distorts the civilised man; too much civilisation makes sick animals.” Perfectly put. How true. And that is what we are becoming: sick animals. “Naturam expellas furca, tamen usque recurret” – a principle with which I KNOW the authors would heartily concur.
Their book has given me hope. Although I have ALWAYS had great belief in my own normality (i.e. I am the standard by which all others must be judged - if I feel/think a certain way about various issues then I KNOW that most of the heterosexual female population feels/thinks the same) and an enormous inner strength in the face of hypocrisy, disingenuousness and complete stupidity, it is so very comforting to realise that EVERYTHING I have naturally and instinctively felt and KNOWN TO BE TRUE about human sexuality (male AND female) could never be merely a figment of my warped imagination !
I have been told by friends that I should start a sect. They mean it tongue-in-cheek and also with a fair degree of derogatory undercurrent but they have a point. For many years now I have been trying to tell those around me a lot of what I have always naturally known about sex, much of which I have found within the pages of this book. I have met with resistance – verbal and physical – because of my outlook on life when it comes to sex; I have been insulted, shunned and ostracised because I refuse to – I AM UNABLE TO – conform to the “standard narrative”.
I feel it is my DUTY to try to educate and inform those around me about the TRUTH concerning our sexual desires. I tell them sex is the greatest gift that we have been given as a species (yes, even greater than the gift of speech or heightened intelligence, in my opinion) and that we should be true to ourselves. I tell them how when I’m thirsty, I drink; when I’m hungry, I eat; and yet when I want to make love I am obliged to consult social mores or religious teachings before deciding what I am allowed to do ! I tell them that if they feel shackled by religious beliefs they are blind ! After all, I ask them, who do you think made you ? Do you accept the way they made you ? If you have faith, why do you not have faith in the way they made you ? What greater respect and worship could you be giving your creator than by BEING TRUE to the way he/she/it made you and GIVING VENT TO YOUR NORMAL, NATURAL SELF ?! (I don’t include people with clearly “abnormal” (by any right-thinking person's definition) proclivities, of course – I refer to the HUGE MAJORITY, those who believe we should try to make people happy throughout our lives and not force our sick will on others.)
I don’t know why or how I know the things that I do – things that nearly all of those people who live to be 100 would never have the insight, liberation or courage to admit; things that I have yet to find properly echoed by anyone around me – but I have never doubted them. And now I have something I can point to in support of my ideas, thoughts and feelings: the writers and their immensely wonderful book. I thank them. From the bottom of my soul.
And yet, it is almost a double-edged sword ! Although I was filled with “At last” feelings and a sense of relief that I am not a lone, honest voice in the sexual wilderness I also felt a strange – I can’t adequately describe it – yearning, a huge frustration that EVERYONE wasn’t reading what I was reading ! I had almost a sense of anger that those nearest and dearest to me hadn’t read it also and couldn’t share my passion. At last this book would give form to all that I had been trying to instil in them for so long – as well as so much more besides, of course – and yet they didn’t know it ! I want them ALL to know. And NOW ! Never before had I felt such a sense of intense urgency ! And I felt so powerless. So impotent. But then, I guess, as my husband tells me, that is how a lot of men are becoming: weak, sterile, powerless and impotent. And a lot of that is down to the topics they discuss in this book.
In fact, this book should be required reading in every school in the country ! Now THAT really would set the gibbon amongst the bonobos, wouldn’t it ? I have always said that the GREATEST education we can give our children is that of being comfortable, shame- and guilt- free and NATURAL with their bodies. Of course, in this sick world I would more readily be labelled as a paedophile than as a great teacher. Alas, there is none so blind as those who will not see …
With people like these authors around there is still hope for mankind. I firmly believe that optimism, openness, cooperation and TRUTH are the key. The writers have helped to sow a seed that I pray will grow, regardless of those who will try to destroy it. Maybe one day the truth will finally hit home and we can indeed return to a more sexually open and honest way of life and of living. I will continue to do my bit. They have most certainly done theirs. “Gutta cavat lapidem, non vi sed saepe cadendo.”
My most heartfelt felicitations and respect to them both ...
FV
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テレスReviewed in Japan on May 5, 20194.0 out of 5 stars 生物的な影響と文化的な影響を把握することが自分自身を知るために役立つ
Format: KindleVerified Purchase様々な研究結果が紹介されており面白い。解決策を提示するのではなく、生物的な背景を紹介するというスタンスの本。著者は人間は生物的には特定のパートナーとのみ性交渉することに向いていないと考えている。自分がどう生きるべきか、パートナーと良い関係を築くためにどう行動すべきかということを考えるためにも、文化的また社会的な影響としてどのようなものがあるかということを把握しておくことが重要だと思う。性的な話題とは直接関係ないが、農耕生活が始まる前の人間社会の記述も面白い。農耕以前には私有財産がないため、狩猟社会ではホッブズ的な闘争は起きにくいという考え方。若干冗長なところがあるのが難点。ユーモアはある。
Rehan BarbhuiyaReviewed in India on August 4, 20245.0 out of 5 stars Every couple must read it.....if anyone just going to marry must read it .....💕
Format: PaperbackVerified PurchaseEvery couples must read books ....to enjoy our love life ......to know our body functions while love making....... everything written very elaborately .......another book also u can try after finishing it is (art of seduction by Seema Anand)











