The Shadow God Paperback – June 14, 2005

"Trapped under a beam with the countdown ticking away, the monster just on the other side of the battered door, and my friends are trying to free me, I look up at them and yell, "Go on without me. I'll be alright. I'll hold him off while you escape!" And my friends, because they know my sacrifice won't be in vain, make their getaway and when the monster breaks through just as the explosives go off, I know I died saving the lives of my dearest friends."

That pretty much sums up my experience reading Aaron Rayburn's novel, THE SHADOW GOD. I took one for the team, so the rest of you would NEVER have to be subjected to this beast. I beg you, don't let my selflessness be for nothing. Heed my warning. This is the worst book ever written.

The back cover copy reads "Craig Johnson had two best friends, two caring parents, a hot girlfriend, and a nice truck--not bad for a twenty-year-old." Already we're in trouble. The author photo shows Rayburn in all his mid-20s virginal glory. Manson contacts, a black cap turned backwards with a red 666 monogrammed on it, he's posing next to what looks like a rubber demon. His bio includes the line "He also says that he owes a great deal of gratitude to the Devil . . . for filling his mind with such horrific images."

If this book is the most horrific thing the devil can come up, I think humanity is safe from the threat of hell.

There are so many things wrong with this book, I decided to keep notes so I could present them in an orderly fashion, with quotes to back me up. I don't want you to take my word for this novel's horridness, I'm going to let Rayburn speak for himself. We'll start with the plot.

Craig Johnson was cursed at birth when his parents left the town church led by the possibly-evil Father Spiers. Spiers then tricked Craig's father Matt into strangling him, only in the end, Matt had killed, not Father Spiers, but one of the doctors. So Matt's been in jail Craig's entire life. Shortly after Craig's 20th birthday he begins to notice a blue light emanating from his bedroom closet. He calls for his mommy (I'm not making that up, it's on page 14), but she doesn't see any light, so he plays it off like he'd seen a rat, and asks her to check in his closet. After she leaves, Craig is compelled to enter the light, which takes him to the Dark World, which is sometimes like a vast black void, paved of course cuz you have to have something to walk on in a void, and sometimes is like Craig's own neighborhood, complete with the houses of his friends. Those friends, Todd and Mark, are also pulled into the Dark World, but they make their escape and then begins the action as the three try to solve the mystery of the blue light and the dark world. To sum up--this book is 454 pages, okay?--Craig is the reincarnation of Abel, the Shadow God is Cain, and Father Spiers is Cain's acolyte, sent to prepare for his return to the real world. In the midst of all this Mark is killed and resurrected by Ridley, a club owner/satanist (he runs The Satanist Group Association. Again, I wish I was making this up!) and servant to Spiers and the Shadow God.

Craig's girlfriend, his mother, his father, as well as Mark's sister Margie and Todd's parents, are all killed and the cops think Craig did it. One cop does, anyway, Detective Jim Underwood, son of the doctor Craig's father Matt strangled to death 20 years earlier. DUN-DUN-DUN!!! There's a showdown where Craig is sucked into another portal to face Cain, who then becomes a dragon, and Todd jumps in to help his friend, they all die--except Craig--and we live happily ever after.

Okay, I know it doesn't seem THAT bad from the plot. But I haven't begun quoting yet. Mark Twain said, "The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug."

Rayburn wasn't even close.

"Spiers's eyes popped extraneously from their sockets, as his face turned from a deep red to a sickly purple."

"Extraneous" means "irrelevant." I don't think that's what he meant. At least, I hope not.

Here's my favorite:

"The lamp's glow was very weak compared to the blue glow emancipating from the basement."

Emanating, Rayburn, EMANATING. When will people learn never to trust their SpellCheck without verifying it's the word they meant??? There are, in total, 11 instances of Rayburn using the wrong word, and believe me, each one is funnier than the last.

Okay, one more.

"It infiltrated his lungs, filling them with a kind of innovativeness he had never felt before."

To be honest, I don't know what word he meant, but I keep seeing Craig's lung filing patents for a dozen new inventions, getting promotions for discovering an even newer formula for Tide laundry detergent, or finding the cure for cancer.

Then there are the characters. Craig and his buddies are all 20, they're in college, and they have cars and money. Craig bribes the guard with hundred dollar bills when he's trying to get in to see his father in

prison. Yet never in the entire book do these men go to class, nor to a job. Where did Craig get his "nice truck"? His mother works "odd jobs", so I doubt she co-signed the loan.

And the dialogue. Oh dear, the dialogue.

"That's probably the fiercest dragon known to man," Craig tells Todd toward the end. Because, you know, we have so many different kinds of dragons in the world with which to compare.

Okay, so he uses the wrong word and his characters are morons. You can overlook a misused word here and LOTS of writers are horrible with characters. Hell, I'm guilty of this myself. But sometimes he just

plain gets his facts WRONG:

"The stranger was beastly in size with thick, bushy eyebrows, a prominent protruding forehead, and a thick, black coarse beard. His gait was that of a mammal--a Neanderthal."

I know I never went to college, but um . . . do you think Rayburn knows HUMAN BEINGS are mammals as well?

And later we learn that Cain and Abel were Neanderthals who lived in the stone age, feared dinosaurs, and that Cain was kicked out of the Garden of Eden for slaying his brother. Dude, Cain and Abel weren't born until a LONG time after Adam and Eve--the only two people who ever lived in the Garden of Eden--were kicked out.

And not only is this the worst book ever written, it's also the worst-written book ever.

Behold:

"Of all the things to think, he never thought he'd think that."

And:

"Already, he knew he wouldn't be able to do it. In fact, he KNEW he wouldn't."

???

Wasn't that already established in the previous sentence?

"Eubanks looked annoyed. He exhaled annoyingly and said..."

You know what? I could do this all night.

THE SHADOW GOD is the perfect example of everything that's wrong with publishing in today's world. Anyone with the notion--talent or not--can write a "book", then contact a place like AuthorHouse ("publisher" of this fine volume and, I'm sure, Rayburn's second novel which I don't care enough to look up the title to), and unleash this mess on an unsuspecting world. And then we wonder why no one reads anymore. Why should they? If this is the kind of stuff they're being subjected to.

Used to be a writer had to learn to WRITE before they could get published. Now, all you need is a couple thousand dollars and you got yourself a book. Talent? Who needs it? Skill? What for? Learning to write? Are you kidding me? Forget about it, I've got this here manyooscript and an address I can get it printed, I'mma be one of dem novelists. Riches, here I comes!!!

It's enough to make aspiring writers want to give up seeking legitimate publishing venues. Please don't. Just be sure to write better than this guy. God knows it won't be difficult. Or should I say, God knows it won't be deficit.

Poorly written, ignorant "Boo! Bet I scared you!" trash. I read this for our "Bad Book Club" and it really fit the bill.

In my opinion, very high-quality toilet paper. The pages are smooth and gentle to the rectal area unlike most. I always look forward to wiping my ass with Aaron Rayburn's "The Shadow God" after dropping a heavy log at the end of a long day. 5 Stars! Would definately reccomend to others!

This may in fact be the second worst book ever written, but . . . I'll give THE SHADOW GOD one well-deserved star. I only read the "Look Inside" pages on Amazon, and other than the Dedication page, which was fairly well-written, I can't say much for Aaron Rayburn's writing style. I don't think I'll be spending the money to buy this book, based on what I saw.

I don't know Aaron Rayburn---he seems young and inexperienced as a writer, and I suspect he's seen too many episodes of CHARMED. He probably hangs with Gothic Jen the Mall Witch, who goes by the name of "Lilith" and wears red and black eye shadow.

Rayburn's obviously a beginning writer. He's yet to learn any economy with words. He says of a character, "He looked like Ichabod Crane, from THE LEGEND OF SLEEPY HOLLOW", a lengthy lecture of a sentence which can be summed up in one adjective, "Ichabodian." The story is rambling, there are a thousand digressions, his grammar is poor, and his sentence structure worse. The malapropisms are so bad and so frequent they stop being funny and become painful.

I'm really angry at Author House, his vanity publisher, who took his money but never bothered to help him edit this minim opus. The same is true of his follow up work, Spiritual Sorrow.The Devil's Children is slightly less demoralizing from a technical standpoint.

But I'll give him this: At least he had the diligence to apply the seat of his pants to the seat of his chair and hunt and peck this story into existence, and bad as the finished product is, I admire his desire to BE a writer and not just talk about it.

A piece of advice Aaron: Next time, don't be in such a hurry to get it out there. As a matter of fact, go back and edit THE SHADOW GOD. The title is catchy and the concept is good. You just need to learn the art of the blue pencil.

I found a tattered copy of this book propping up a table leg that was holding used baby diapers and old indian food. I though every book deserves a good read before being used for such an undignified purpose but I was wrong.

From the back cover which details the mighty accomplishments of the "author" including "having a hot girlfriend" I knew I was in for something different. Looking back I noticed the phrase "completing high school" was not one of the "author's" accomplishments but hey, I gave it a try.

After finishing page 2 I thought to myself "I've used the term "not worth the paper it's printed on" before in my life and I realize now I have never used it in the correct context" to call this book horrible is insulting to the person who invented the word horrible. It's just random sentences loosely connected together by a theme. That theme is garbage. From the numerous scenes that sound like a 12 year old describing what is going on during Law & Order SVU to the sentences that are so incomprehensible because they are filled with useless words that sound intelligent you'll have quite a hard time keeping up with anything resembling a plot.

The unnecessarily foul mouthed child who wrote this does not deserve to have any book he wrote on Amazon. If you purchased this book after reading any of these negative reviews you have some problems...

Whoever decided that this book should be printed should be a character in A Song of Fire and Ice, if you catch my meaning.

Garbage!