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In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People Paperback – December 19, 1996
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Top Customer Reviews
Simon says (!) his readers have to take responsibility for their own lives; since they aren't likely to change their perpetrators' behaviors; victims must change the pattern of interaction with perpetrators---and that's the key.
His suggestions aren't just off-the-cuff remarks. They work! For instance, have you ever noticed how hard it is to think of what to say in the moment? How easily we can think of a perfect retort after the moment has passed? Simon's simple suggestion to say, "Will you please repeat that?" works wonders. It's just the break one needs to collect thoughts. Simultaneously, it throws the perpetrator off-base. They don't want to repeat themselves, particularly now that others might be listening more closely. Insults never come out the second time with the same conviction. Next, we're advised to repeat back the insult, such as, "You feel I am _____. Do I understand you correctly?" Being certain you understand the intentions of alleged perpetrators is important. Authors like Patricia Evans (Controlling People) see insults at every turn, her perpetrators typically being stereotypical men or "mothers". Sometimes words don't come out as intended. We don't need to do battle with those we misunderstand.
Once you grasp the accusation and have gathered enough facts to assess the situation, Simon advises you offer the perpetrator the option of taking the discussion into a more private session.Read more ›
It cuts straight through the bs - neatly and cleanly.
If you are wondering what the heck is wrong with YOU and just can't seem to pin it down, I highly recommend starting here to discover what's at the heart of several disorders, at least how they will affect you when you deal with toxic, intolerant, self-important, crazy-making individuals.
Bottom line: I no longer CARE what's wrong with them. If they can't bother to diagnose themselves, why should I bother? I just want to spot these waterheads from a distance so I can steer clear, and control the damage from those I can't avoid, such as my insane family.
When you "See Through" the techniques as they happen, the only hard part will be keeping a straight face as you expertly deflect their sickness.
And I free my time for concentrating on living MY LIFE on MY TERMS. Wonderful!
And yes, it may seem like common sense, but bear in mind you are dealing with highly skilled manipulators. They've had years and years of experience being covertly aggressive - do not underestimate their power. It happens so quickly, so subtly, you must arm yourself with tools to fight such monsters. The short text makes it possible to "refresh" your "common sense" before facing a nut-inducing encounter (family, co-workers, spouse, etc.)
I have bought copies of this book for friends and can't recommend it enough.
Best wishes & good luck!
Most Recent Customer Reviews
If You are even considering buying the book, just do it! I have read very many self-help books, plus I am a member of 12 step programs, and this book by far offers hands-down the... Read morePublished 11 days ago by Danielle Snyder
If you've ever been in a manipulative relationship this book is a must read!Published 16 days ago by elaine
I am surprised why this book is not more popular. Some of the points made in this book are so critically important, and have gone missing from the society that this book should be... Read morePublished 18 days ago by Book Myths
This book was okay but I found the way it was structured a bit confusing and hard to follow. I gave three stars because I wouldn't recommend this book to anyone in particular, but... Read morePublished 24 days ago by J.J.
This book is very insightful and valuable. I was in a psychologically abusive relationship with a manipulative and vindictive woman, which ended with me blaming myself and feeling... Read morePublished 27 days ago by H. Potter
Simple book with easy to understand concepts. Helped me unfold my relationship with a family member.Published 1 month ago by Anna