- Paperback: 304 pages
- Publisher: Contemporary Books; 1 edition (September 1, 1999)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 9780809225132
- ISBN-13: 978-0809225132
- ASIN: 0809225131
- Product Dimensions: 5.9 x 0.7 x 8.8 inches
- Shipping Weight: 1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
- Average Customer Review: 49 customer reviews
- Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #94,641 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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Should I Stay Or Go? : How Controlled Separation (CS) Can Save Your Marriage Paperback – September 1, 1999
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About the Author
Lee Raffel, M.S.W., is founder and clinical director of Awareness Counseling Services, Inc. She has counseled couples for more than 25 years using the CS method.
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As an attorney and family mediator, I've often been struck by how quickly and automatically many professionals (especially attorneys) have assumed that spouses who breathe the word "divorce" must immediately be ushered through the legal steps of divorce. Not knowing any differently nor what they could do to see the true range of their options, these poor spouses (many of them parents responsible for fragile children) end up spending less time planning their separation than planning a Super Bowl party. In some cases, they are even lured into thinking they can sue each other on their way to a good outcome.
Among other things, Ms. Raffel has shown that whether or not a troubled couple ultimately divorces, we professionals owe it to them to show that they have the chance to make their separation as constructive as possible. And she goes a long way in giving simple but brilliant guidance on the issues a husband and wife can consider to succeed--again, whether they ultimately reconcile or begin a respectful divorce.
My experience is that couples who separate without the kind of planning recommended by Ms. Raffel (and sadly that's most separating couples) are unknowingly embarking on a perilous course without a map, a compass, or even a sense of partnership among the crew. They are virtually predestined to misunderstand and disappoint each other. No wonder so many spouses who separate out of hurt, frustration, or depression end up divorced--even when they didn't need or want a divorce when they separated. And no wonder so many of them end up not just divorced, but angry, adversarial, and even impaired in their parenting.
I hope more spouses thinking them condemned to divorce will take advantage of this remarkable book and resources like [...]. And I desperately hope more family attorneys and counselors will acquaint themselves with Ms. Raffel's gentle, respectful, and long-overdue insights.
It's more a detailed instruction book of how to temporarily separate, and how to plan the logistics of the separation. It would probably be good to use along with a therapist if you are a couple trying to plan the details of your separation.
It will not help you address the question of whether or not you should stay in your relationship/ marriage.