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The Sociopath Next Door Paperback – March 14, 2006
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Martha Stout
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Martha Stout
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Print length256 pages
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LanguageEnglish
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PublisherHarmony
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Publication dateMarch 14, 2006
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Dimensions5.2 x 0.57 x 7.97 inches
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From the Back Cover
Who is the devil "you know?
Is it your lying, cheating ex-husband?
Your sadistic high school gym teacher?
Your boss who loves to humiliate people in meetings?
The colleague who stole your idea and passed it off as her own?
In the pages of "The Sociopath Next Door, you will realize that your ex was not just misunderstood. He's a sociopath. And your boss, teacher, and colleague? They may be sociopaths too.
We are accustomed to think of sociopaths as violent criminals, but in "The Sociopath Next Door, Harvard psychologist Martha Stout reveals that a shocking 4 percent of ordinary people--one in twenty-five--has an often undetected mental disorder, the chief symptom of which is that that person possesses no conscience. He or she has no ability whatsoever to feel shame, guilt, or remorse. One in twenty-five everyday Americans, therefore, is secretly a sociopath. They could be your colleague, your neighbor, even family. And they can do literally anything at all and feel absolutely no guilt."
How do we recognize the remorseless? One of their chief characteristics is a kind of glow or charisma that makes sociopaths more charming or interesting than the other people around them. They're more spontaneous, more intense, more complex, or even sexier than everyone else, making them tricky to identify and leaving us easily seduced. Fundamentally, sociopaths are different because they cannot love. Sociopaths learn early on to show sham emotion, but underneath they are indifferent to others' suffering. They live to dominate and thrill to win.
The fact is, we all almost certainly know at least one or more sociopaths already. Part of the urgency in reading "TheSociopath Next Door is the moment when we suddenly recognize that someone we know--someone we worked for, or were involved with, or voted for--is a sociopath. But what do we do with that knowledge? To arm us against the sociopath, Dr. Stout teaches us to question authority, suspect flattery, and beware the pity play. Above all, she writes, when a sociopath is beckoning, do not join the game.
It is the ruthless versus the rest of us, and "The Sociopath Next Door will show you how to recognize and defeat the devil you know.
Is it your lying, cheating ex-husband?
Your sadistic high school gym teacher?
Your boss who loves to humiliate people in meetings?
The colleague who stole your idea and passed it off as her own?
In the pages of "The Sociopath Next Door, you will realize that your ex was not just misunderstood. He's a sociopath. And your boss, teacher, and colleague? They may be sociopaths too.
We are accustomed to think of sociopaths as violent criminals, but in "The Sociopath Next Door, Harvard psychologist Martha Stout reveals that a shocking 4 percent of ordinary people--one in twenty-five--has an often undetected mental disorder, the chief symptom of which is that that person possesses no conscience. He or she has no ability whatsoever to feel shame, guilt, or remorse. One in twenty-five everyday Americans, therefore, is secretly a sociopath. They could be your colleague, your neighbor, even family. And they can do literally anything at all and feel absolutely no guilt."
How do we recognize the remorseless? One of their chief characteristics is a kind of glow or charisma that makes sociopaths more charming or interesting than the other people around them. They're more spontaneous, more intense, more complex, or even sexier than everyone else, making them tricky to identify and leaving us easily seduced. Fundamentally, sociopaths are different because they cannot love. Sociopaths learn early on to show sham emotion, but underneath they are indifferent to others' suffering. They live to dominate and thrill to win.
The fact is, we all almost certainly know at least one or more sociopaths already. Part of the urgency in reading "TheSociopath Next Door is the moment when we suddenly recognize that someone we know--someone we worked for, or were involved with, or voted for--is a sociopath. But what do we do with that knowledge? To arm us against the sociopath, Dr. Stout teaches us to question authority, suspect flattery, and beware the pity play. Above all, she writes, when a sociopath is beckoning, do not join the game.
It is the ruthless versus the rest of us, and "The Sociopath Next Door will show you how to recognize and defeat the devil you know.
About the Author
Martha Stout, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist in private practice, served on the faculty in psychology in the department of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School for twenty-five years. She is also the author of The Myth of Sanity. She lives on Cape Ann in Massachusetts.
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
INTRODUCTION
Minds differ still more than faces.
--Voltaire
Imagine--if you can--not having a conscience, none at all, no feelings of guilt or remorse no matter what you do, no limiting sense of concern for the well-being of strangers, friends, or even family members. Imagine no struggles with shame, not a single one in your whole life, no matter what kind of selfish, lazy, harmful, or immoral action you had taken. And pretend that the concept of responsibility is unknown to you, except as a burden others seem to accept without question, like gullible fools. Now add to this strange fantasy the ability to conceal from other people that your psychological makeup is radically different from theirs. Since everyone simply assumes that conscience is universal among human beings, hiding the fact that you are conscience-free is nearly effortless. You are not held back from any of your desires by guilt or shame, and you are never confronted by others for your cold-bloodedness. The ice water in your veins is so bizarre, so completely outside of their personal experience, that they seldom even guess at your condition.
In other words, you are completely free of internal restraints, and your unhampered liberty to do just as you please, with no pangs of conscience, is conveniently invisible to the world. You can do anything at all, and still your strange advantage over the majority of people, who are kept in line by their consciences, will most likely remain undiscovered.
How will you live your life? What will you do with your huge and secret advantage, and with the corresponding handicap of other people (conscience)? The answer will depend largely on just what your desires happen to be, because people are not all the same. Even the profoundly unscrupulous are not all the same. Some people-- whether they have a conscience or not-- favor the ease of inertia, while others are filled with dreams and wild ambitions. Some human beings are brilliant and talented, some are dull-witted, and most, conscience or not, are somewhere in between. There are violent people and nonviolent ones, individuals who are motivated by bloodlust and those who have no such appetites.
Maybe you are someone who craves money and power, and though you have no vestige of conscience, you do have a magnificent IQ. You have the driving nature and the intellectual capacity to pursue tremendous wealth and influence, and you are in no way moved by the nagging voice of conscience that prevents other people from doing everything and anything they have to do to succeed. You choose business, politics, the law, banking, international development, or any of a broad array of other power professions, and you pursue your career with a cold passion that tolerates none of the usual moral or legal incumbrances. When it is expedient, you doctor the accounting and shred the evidence, you stab your employees and your clients (or your constituency) in the back, marry for money, tell lethal premeditated lies to people who trust you, attempt to ruin colleagues who are powerful or eloquent, and simply steam-roll over groups who are dependent and voiceless. And all of this you do with the exquisite freedom that results from having no conscience whatsoever.
You become unimaginably, unassailably, and maybe even globally successful. Why not? With your big brain, and no conscience to rein in your schemes, you can do anything at all.
Or no--let us say you are not quite such a person. You are ambitious, yes, and in the name of success you are willing to do all manner of things that people with conscience would never consider, but you are not an intellectually gifted individual. Your intelligence is above average perhaps, and people think of you as smart, maybe even very smart. But you know in your heart of hearts that you do not have the cognitive wherewithal, or the creativity, to reach the careening heights of power you secretly dream about, and this makes you resentful of the world at large, and envious of the people around you.
As this sort of person, you ensconce yourself in a niche, or maybe a series of niches, in which you can have some amount of control over small numbers of people. These situations satisfy a little of your desire for power, although you are chronically aggravated at not having more. It chafes to be so free of the ridiculous inner voice that inhibits others from achieving great power, without having enough talent to pursue the ultimate successes yourself. Sometimes you fall into sulky, rageful moods caused by a frustration that no one but you understands.
But you do enjoy jobs that afford you a certain undersupervised control over a few individuals or small groups, preferably people and groups who are relatively helpless or in some way vulnerable. You are a teacher or a psychotherapist, a divorce lawyer or a high school coach. Or maybe you are a consultant of some kind, a broker or a gallery owner or a human services director. Or maybe you do not have a paid position, and are instead the president of your condominium association, or a volunteer hospital worker, or a parent. Whatever your job, you manipulate and bully the people who are under your thumb, as often and as outrageously as you can without getting fired or held accountable. You do this for its own sake, even when it serves no purpose except to give you a thrill. Making people jump means you have power-- or this is the way you see it-- and bullying provides you with an adrenaline rush. It is fun.
Maybe you cannot be the CEO of a multinational corporation, but you can frighten a few people, or cause them to scurry around like chickens, or steal from them, or--maybe best of all--create situations that cause them to feel bad about themselves. And this is power, especially when the people you manipulate are superior to you in some way. Most invigorating of all is to bring down people who are smarter or more accomplished than you, or perhaps classier, more attractive or popular or morally admirable. This is not only good fun--it is existential vengeance. And without a conscience, it is amazingly easy to do. You quietly lie to the boss or to the boss’s boss, cry some crocodile tears, or sabotage a coworker’s project, or gaslight a patient (or a child), bait people with promises, or provide a little misinformation that will never be traced back to you.
Or now let us say you are a person who has a proclivity for violence or for seeing violence done. You can simply murder your coworker, or have her murdered--or your boss, or your ex-spouse, or your wealthy lover’s spouse, or anyone else who bothers you. You have to be careful, because if you slip up you may be caught and punished by the system. But you will never be confronted by your conscience, because you have no conscience. If you decide to kill, the only difficulties will be the external ones. Nothing inside of you will ever protest.
Provided you are not forcibly stopped, you can do anything at all. If you are born at the right time, with some access to family fortune, and you have a special talent for whipping up other people’s hatred and sense of deprivation, you can arrange to kill large numbers of unsuspecting people. With enough money, you can accomplish this from far away, and you can sit back safely and watch in satisfaction. In fact, terrorism (done from a distance) is the ideal occupation for a person who is possessed of bloodlust and no conscience, because if you do it just right, you may be able to make a whole nation jump. And if that is not power, what is?
Or let us imagine the opposite extreme--you have no interest in power. To the contrary, you are the sort of person who really does not want much of anything. Your only real ambition is not to have to exert yourself to get by. You do not want to work like everyone else does. Without a conscience, you can nap or pursue your hobbies or watch television or just hang out somewhere all day long. Living a bit on the fringes, and with some handouts from relatives and friends, you can do this indefinitely. People may whisper to each other that you are an underachiever, or that you are depressed, a sad case, or in contrast, if they get angry, they may grumble that you are lazy. When they get to know you better, and get really angry, they may scream at you and call you a loser, a bum. But it will never occur to them that you literally do not have a conscience, that in such a fundamental way, your very mind is not the same as theirs.
The panicked feeling of a guilty conscience never squeezes at your heart or wakes you in the middle of the night. Despite your lifestyle, you never feel irresponsible, neglectful, or so much as embarrassed, although for the sake of appearances, sometimes you pretend that you do. For example, if you are a decent observer of people and what they react to, you may adopt a lifeless facial expression, say how ashamed of your life you are, and talk about how rotten you feel. This you do only because it is more convenient to have people think you are depressed than it is to have them shouting at you all the time, or insisting that you get a job.
You notice that people who do have a conscience feel guilty when they harangue someone they believe to be “depressed” or “troubled.” As a matter of fact, to your further advantage, they often feel obliged to take care of such a person. If, despite your relative poverty, you can manage to get yourself into a sexual relationship with someone, this person--who does not suspect what you are really like--may feel particularly obligated. And since all you want is not to have to work, your financier does not have to be especially rich, just reliably conscience-bound.
I trust that imagining yourself as any of these people feels insane to you, because such people are insane, dangerously so. Insane but real--they even have a label. Many mental health professionals refer to the condition of little or no conscience as “antisocial personality disorder,” a noncorrectable disfigurement of character that is now thought to be present in about four percent of the population--that is to say, one in twenty-five people. This condition of missing conscience is called by other names too, most often “sociopathy,” or the somewhat more familiar term, “psychopathy.” Guiltlessness was in fact the first personality disorder to be recognized by psychiatry, and terms that have been used at times over the past century include “manie sans délire,” “psychopathic inferiority,” “moral insanity,” and “moral imbecility.”
According to the current bible of psychiatric labels, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders IV of the American Psychiatric Association, the clinical diagnosis of “antisocial personality disorder” should be considered when an individual possesses at least three of the following seven characteristics: (1) failure to conform to social norms; (2) deceitfulness, manipulativeness; (3) impulsivity, failure to plan ahead; (4) irritability, aggressiveness; (5) reckless disregard for the safety of self or others; (6) consistent irresponsibility; (7) lack of remorse after having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another person. The presence in an individual of any three of these “symptoms,” taken together, is enough to make many psychiatrists suspect the disorder.
Other researchers and clinicians, many of whom think the APA’s definition describes simple “criminality” better than true “psychopathy” or “sociopathy,” point to additional documented characteristics of sociopaths as a group. One of the more frequently observed of these traits is a glib and superficial charm that allows the true sociopath to seduce other people, figuratively or literally--a kind of glow or charisma that, initially, can make the sociopath seem more charming or more interesting than most of the normal people around him. He or she is more spontaneous, or more intense, or somehow more “complex,” or sexier, or more entertaining than everyone else. Sometimes this “sociopathic charisma” is accompanied by a grandiose sense of self-worth that may be compelling at first, but upon closer inspection may seem odd or perhaps laughable. (“Someday the world will realize how special I am,” or “You know that after me, no other lover will do.”)
In addition, sociopaths have a greater than normal need for stimulation, which results in their taking frequent social, physical, financial, or legal risks. Characteristically, they can charm others into attempting dangerous ventures with them, and as a group they are known for their pathological lying and conning, and their parasitic relationships with “friends.” Regardless of how educated or highly placed as adults, they may have a history of early behavior problems, sometimes including drug use or recorded juvenile delinquency, and always including a failure to acknowledge responsibility for any problems that occurred.
And sociopaths are noted especially for their shallowness of emotion, the hollow and transient nature of any affectionate feelings they may claim to have, a certain breathtaking callousness. They have no trace of empathy and no genuine interest in bonding emotionally with a mate. Once the surface charm is scraped off, their marriages are loveless, one-sided, and almost always short-term. If a marriage partner has any value to the sociopath, it is because the partner is viewed as a possession, one that the sociopath may feel angry to lose, but never sad or accountable.
All of these characteristics, along with the “symptoms” listed by the American Psychiatric Association, are the behavioral manifestations of what is for most of us an unfathomable psychological condition, the absence of our essential seventh sense-- conscience.
Crazy, and frightening-- and real, in about four percent of the population.
Minds differ still more than faces.
--Voltaire
Imagine--if you can--not having a conscience, none at all, no feelings of guilt or remorse no matter what you do, no limiting sense of concern for the well-being of strangers, friends, or even family members. Imagine no struggles with shame, not a single one in your whole life, no matter what kind of selfish, lazy, harmful, or immoral action you had taken. And pretend that the concept of responsibility is unknown to you, except as a burden others seem to accept without question, like gullible fools. Now add to this strange fantasy the ability to conceal from other people that your psychological makeup is radically different from theirs. Since everyone simply assumes that conscience is universal among human beings, hiding the fact that you are conscience-free is nearly effortless. You are not held back from any of your desires by guilt or shame, and you are never confronted by others for your cold-bloodedness. The ice water in your veins is so bizarre, so completely outside of their personal experience, that they seldom even guess at your condition.
In other words, you are completely free of internal restraints, and your unhampered liberty to do just as you please, with no pangs of conscience, is conveniently invisible to the world. You can do anything at all, and still your strange advantage over the majority of people, who are kept in line by their consciences, will most likely remain undiscovered.
How will you live your life? What will you do with your huge and secret advantage, and with the corresponding handicap of other people (conscience)? The answer will depend largely on just what your desires happen to be, because people are not all the same. Even the profoundly unscrupulous are not all the same. Some people-- whether they have a conscience or not-- favor the ease of inertia, while others are filled with dreams and wild ambitions. Some human beings are brilliant and talented, some are dull-witted, and most, conscience or not, are somewhere in between. There are violent people and nonviolent ones, individuals who are motivated by bloodlust and those who have no such appetites.
Maybe you are someone who craves money and power, and though you have no vestige of conscience, you do have a magnificent IQ. You have the driving nature and the intellectual capacity to pursue tremendous wealth and influence, and you are in no way moved by the nagging voice of conscience that prevents other people from doing everything and anything they have to do to succeed. You choose business, politics, the law, banking, international development, or any of a broad array of other power professions, and you pursue your career with a cold passion that tolerates none of the usual moral or legal incumbrances. When it is expedient, you doctor the accounting and shred the evidence, you stab your employees and your clients (or your constituency) in the back, marry for money, tell lethal premeditated lies to people who trust you, attempt to ruin colleagues who are powerful or eloquent, and simply steam-roll over groups who are dependent and voiceless. And all of this you do with the exquisite freedom that results from having no conscience whatsoever.
You become unimaginably, unassailably, and maybe even globally successful. Why not? With your big brain, and no conscience to rein in your schemes, you can do anything at all.
Or no--let us say you are not quite such a person. You are ambitious, yes, and in the name of success you are willing to do all manner of things that people with conscience would never consider, but you are not an intellectually gifted individual. Your intelligence is above average perhaps, and people think of you as smart, maybe even very smart. But you know in your heart of hearts that you do not have the cognitive wherewithal, or the creativity, to reach the careening heights of power you secretly dream about, and this makes you resentful of the world at large, and envious of the people around you.
As this sort of person, you ensconce yourself in a niche, or maybe a series of niches, in which you can have some amount of control over small numbers of people. These situations satisfy a little of your desire for power, although you are chronically aggravated at not having more. It chafes to be so free of the ridiculous inner voice that inhibits others from achieving great power, without having enough talent to pursue the ultimate successes yourself. Sometimes you fall into sulky, rageful moods caused by a frustration that no one but you understands.
But you do enjoy jobs that afford you a certain undersupervised control over a few individuals or small groups, preferably people and groups who are relatively helpless or in some way vulnerable. You are a teacher or a psychotherapist, a divorce lawyer or a high school coach. Or maybe you are a consultant of some kind, a broker or a gallery owner or a human services director. Or maybe you do not have a paid position, and are instead the president of your condominium association, or a volunteer hospital worker, or a parent. Whatever your job, you manipulate and bully the people who are under your thumb, as often and as outrageously as you can without getting fired or held accountable. You do this for its own sake, even when it serves no purpose except to give you a thrill. Making people jump means you have power-- or this is the way you see it-- and bullying provides you with an adrenaline rush. It is fun.
Maybe you cannot be the CEO of a multinational corporation, but you can frighten a few people, or cause them to scurry around like chickens, or steal from them, or--maybe best of all--create situations that cause them to feel bad about themselves. And this is power, especially when the people you manipulate are superior to you in some way. Most invigorating of all is to bring down people who are smarter or more accomplished than you, or perhaps classier, more attractive or popular or morally admirable. This is not only good fun--it is existential vengeance. And without a conscience, it is amazingly easy to do. You quietly lie to the boss or to the boss’s boss, cry some crocodile tears, or sabotage a coworker’s project, or gaslight a patient (or a child), bait people with promises, or provide a little misinformation that will never be traced back to you.
Or now let us say you are a person who has a proclivity for violence or for seeing violence done. You can simply murder your coworker, or have her murdered--or your boss, or your ex-spouse, or your wealthy lover’s spouse, or anyone else who bothers you. You have to be careful, because if you slip up you may be caught and punished by the system. But you will never be confronted by your conscience, because you have no conscience. If you decide to kill, the only difficulties will be the external ones. Nothing inside of you will ever protest.
Provided you are not forcibly stopped, you can do anything at all. If you are born at the right time, with some access to family fortune, and you have a special talent for whipping up other people’s hatred and sense of deprivation, you can arrange to kill large numbers of unsuspecting people. With enough money, you can accomplish this from far away, and you can sit back safely and watch in satisfaction. In fact, terrorism (done from a distance) is the ideal occupation for a person who is possessed of bloodlust and no conscience, because if you do it just right, you may be able to make a whole nation jump. And if that is not power, what is?
Or let us imagine the opposite extreme--you have no interest in power. To the contrary, you are the sort of person who really does not want much of anything. Your only real ambition is not to have to exert yourself to get by. You do not want to work like everyone else does. Without a conscience, you can nap or pursue your hobbies or watch television or just hang out somewhere all day long. Living a bit on the fringes, and with some handouts from relatives and friends, you can do this indefinitely. People may whisper to each other that you are an underachiever, or that you are depressed, a sad case, or in contrast, if they get angry, they may grumble that you are lazy. When they get to know you better, and get really angry, they may scream at you and call you a loser, a bum. But it will never occur to them that you literally do not have a conscience, that in such a fundamental way, your very mind is not the same as theirs.
The panicked feeling of a guilty conscience never squeezes at your heart or wakes you in the middle of the night. Despite your lifestyle, you never feel irresponsible, neglectful, or so much as embarrassed, although for the sake of appearances, sometimes you pretend that you do. For example, if you are a decent observer of people and what they react to, you may adopt a lifeless facial expression, say how ashamed of your life you are, and talk about how rotten you feel. This you do only because it is more convenient to have people think you are depressed than it is to have them shouting at you all the time, or insisting that you get a job.
You notice that people who do have a conscience feel guilty when they harangue someone they believe to be “depressed” or “troubled.” As a matter of fact, to your further advantage, they often feel obliged to take care of such a person. If, despite your relative poverty, you can manage to get yourself into a sexual relationship with someone, this person--who does not suspect what you are really like--may feel particularly obligated. And since all you want is not to have to work, your financier does not have to be especially rich, just reliably conscience-bound.
I trust that imagining yourself as any of these people feels insane to you, because such people are insane, dangerously so. Insane but real--they even have a label. Many mental health professionals refer to the condition of little or no conscience as “antisocial personality disorder,” a noncorrectable disfigurement of character that is now thought to be present in about four percent of the population--that is to say, one in twenty-five people. This condition of missing conscience is called by other names too, most often “sociopathy,” or the somewhat more familiar term, “psychopathy.” Guiltlessness was in fact the first personality disorder to be recognized by psychiatry, and terms that have been used at times over the past century include “manie sans délire,” “psychopathic inferiority,” “moral insanity,” and “moral imbecility.”
According to the current bible of psychiatric labels, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders IV of the American Psychiatric Association, the clinical diagnosis of “antisocial personality disorder” should be considered when an individual possesses at least three of the following seven characteristics: (1) failure to conform to social norms; (2) deceitfulness, manipulativeness; (3) impulsivity, failure to plan ahead; (4) irritability, aggressiveness; (5) reckless disregard for the safety of self or others; (6) consistent irresponsibility; (7) lack of remorse after having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another person. The presence in an individual of any three of these “symptoms,” taken together, is enough to make many psychiatrists suspect the disorder.
Other researchers and clinicians, many of whom think the APA’s definition describes simple “criminality” better than true “psychopathy” or “sociopathy,” point to additional documented characteristics of sociopaths as a group. One of the more frequently observed of these traits is a glib and superficial charm that allows the true sociopath to seduce other people, figuratively or literally--a kind of glow or charisma that, initially, can make the sociopath seem more charming or more interesting than most of the normal people around him. He or she is more spontaneous, or more intense, or somehow more “complex,” or sexier, or more entertaining than everyone else. Sometimes this “sociopathic charisma” is accompanied by a grandiose sense of self-worth that may be compelling at first, but upon closer inspection may seem odd or perhaps laughable. (“Someday the world will realize how special I am,” or “You know that after me, no other lover will do.”)
In addition, sociopaths have a greater than normal need for stimulation, which results in their taking frequent social, physical, financial, or legal risks. Characteristically, they can charm others into attempting dangerous ventures with them, and as a group they are known for their pathological lying and conning, and their parasitic relationships with “friends.” Regardless of how educated or highly placed as adults, they may have a history of early behavior problems, sometimes including drug use or recorded juvenile delinquency, and always including a failure to acknowledge responsibility for any problems that occurred.
And sociopaths are noted especially for their shallowness of emotion, the hollow and transient nature of any affectionate feelings they may claim to have, a certain breathtaking callousness. They have no trace of empathy and no genuine interest in bonding emotionally with a mate. Once the surface charm is scraped off, their marriages are loveless, one-sided, and almost always short-term. If a marriage partner has any value to the sociopath, it is because the partner is viewed as a possession, one that the sociopath may feel angry to lose, but never sad or accountable.
All of these characteristics, along with the “symptoms” listed by the American Psychiatric Association, are the behavioral manifestations of what is for most of us an unfathomable psychological condition, the absence of our essential seventh sense-- conscience.
Crazy, and frightening-- and real, in about four percent of the population.
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Product details
- ASIN : 0767915828
- Publisher : Harmony; 1st edition (March 14, 2006)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 256 pages
- ISBN-10 : 9780767915823
- ISBN-13 : 978-0767915823
- Item Weight : 6.6 ounces
- Dimensions : 5.2 x 0.57 x 7.97 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #10,837 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- Customer Reviews:
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4.5 out of 5 stars
4.5 out of 5
2,901 global ratings
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Reviewed in the United States on November 10, 2018
Verified Purchase
I am currently a psychology major and had originally purchased this book for a research project on the representation of antisocial personality disorder in the media. As it is written by a clinical psychologist, I was excited about the portrayal and explanation of the disorder from someone who understood on a higher level. I can confidently say that I am disappointed and frankly distraught at the language Stout uses throughout the writing. As a clinical psychologist, it is expected that she be a representative of the psychology community and all that comes with it. Her writing is clearly biased (her primary patients are those who have been psychologically traumatized at the hands of other people) and she talks about those diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder as if they are not people, calling them "ice people" and "it," and stating that the high level of people with this diagnosis in the community is a burden to "the rest of us that must live on this planet, too." Although the abusive language may be due to her outdated education as she attended college in the 70s, her writing only contributes to the negative stigma and misconceptions about mental health in general. As a fellow participant in the psychology community, I am disappointed in Stout's failure to accurately represent and educate those who do not understand. I hope that these stigmas will eventually be dissolved and society will realize that mental illness is not something to take lightly.
171 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on May 24, 2018
Verified Purchase
EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON!!!
How did I happen to buy a book I never knew I needed?
Does anyone here remember, “When E.F. Hutton talks,everybody listens”? Well, James Corbett is an E.F. Hutton for me. He happened to mention his book in one of his Corbett Report videos and I instantly went to Amazon to check out the reviews.
Why did I buy the book?
After reading the reviews I was interested, but it was a few reviews in particular that sealed the deal for my purchase. Those reviewers listed the markers or criteria for an individual or individuals who are likely to be sociopaths and, in turn, wreaking havoc in your life.
As I read the list in these reviews my eyes must have been as big as saucers and I’m sure you can guess the rest. The person wreaking havoc in my life displayed all but two of these main markers as well as many of the lesser ones.
I initially purchased the book to learn how to have a relationship with and “handle” this individual (and potential future individuals like this) and keep things under control.
Let me take a moment to laugh along with you at how naive that thinking truly was....Bwahahahahahahahaha!
Hopefully, I won’t be judged too harshly because my honest intention was, and still is, to handle this situation from a place of love.
As soon as I started reading the book things escalated with this person to the point of me deciding to have no contact. I continued to read the book thinking I would find my solution and continue the relationship. As I read I was completely amazed at how all except one story had major elements of this individual’s personality.
This book has shown me that sometimes no contact or very limited contact is absolutely necessary when someone has you in their sights. I no longer feel guilty or will allow myself to be manipulated into feeling guilty for this decision. It has become crystal clear to me that I have to make this choice for my own well-being on every level as well as that of my family. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do for all involved is just walk away. This book has allowed me to be at peace with that decision.
I hope this review was helpful!
How did I happen to buy a book I never knew I needed?
Does anyone here remember, “When E.F. Hutton talks,everybody listens”? Well, James Corbett is an E.F. Hutton for me. He happened to mention his book in one of his Corbett Report videos and I instantly went to Amazon to check out the reviews.
Why did I buy the book?
After reading the reviews I was interested, but it was a few reviews in particular that sealed the deal for my purchase. Those reviewers listed the markers or criteria for an individual or individuals who are likely to be sociopaths and, in turn, wreaking havoc in your life.
As I read the list in these reviews my eyes must have been as big as saucers and I’m sure you can guess the rest. The person wreaking havoc in my life displayed all but two of these main markers as well as many of the lesser ones.
I initially purchased the book to learn how to have a relationship with and “handle” this individual (and potential future individuals like this) and keep things under control.
Let me take a moment to laugh along with you at how naive that thinking truly was....Bwahahahahahahahaha!
Hopefully, I won’t be judged too harshly because my honest intention was, and still is, to handle this situation from a place of love.
As soon as I started reading the book things escalated with this person to the point of me deciding to have no contact. I continued to read the book thinking I would find my solution and continue the relationship. As I read I was completely amazed at how all except one story had major elements of this individual’s personality.
This book has shown me that sometimes no contact or very limited contact is absolutely necessary when someone has you in their sights. I no longer feel guilty or will allow myself to be manipulated into feeling guilty for this decision. It has become crystal clear to me that I have to make this choice for my own well-being on every level as well as that of my family. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do for all involved is just walk away. This book has allowed me to be at peace with that decision.
I hope this review was helpful!
201 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on December 24, 2017
Verified Purchase
Amazingly insightful in describing our ex-son-in-law. He truly believes he can manipulate everyone and the system to get everything he desires. He has absolutely no conscience and no empathy. There are children involved. He tries to use them as weapons to get even with the woman who threw him out after years of his abuse and manipulation. This book is very helpful in understanding how his warped mind works, so we can try minimize the damage he still tries to do.
We strongly recommend this book for anyone in a similar situation.
We strongly recommend this book for anyone in a similar situation.
97 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on October 5, 2019
Verified Purchase
Naive. Superficial. Inaccurate. Incomplete. Clinical anecdotes could be much more pithy. No discussion of those with autistic spectrum disorder (many of whom don't have consciences). Too much discussion of Freud and Piaget, and no mention of Eric Berne's viewpoint – which is, in my opinion, is much more accurate, useful (and clinically rich).
The author makes no mention of: pathology in the brain's frontal lobes (Phineas Gage and others with traumatic brain injuries which converted them into sociopaths); comorbidity (e.g., 25% of men in prison – some of whom are sociopaths – meet diagnostic criteria for attention–deficit/hyperactivity disorder); findings of the The Grant Study longitudinal study (see books on The Grant Study findings by psychiatrist George Vaillant, M.D.); gypsies who are certainly sociopaths (gypsies are known in law enforcement as The Kings [and Queens] of Con); or the common knowledge that all SE Asians who complete the MMPI score high on Pd (psychopathic deviance) – yet they are not all sociopaths. Oh, and the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders is not a "Bible" Dr. Stout – the DSM is a dictionary, subject to periodic revisions.
The author makes no mention of: pathology in the brain's frontal lobes (Phineas Gage and others with traumatic brain injuries which converted them into sociopaths); comorbidity (e.g., 25% of men in prison – some of whom are sociopaths – meet diagnostic criteria for attention–deficit/hyperactivity disorder); findings of the The Grant Study longitudinal study (see books on The Grant Study findings by psychiatrist George Vaillant, M.D.); gypsies who are certainly sociopaths (gypsies are known in law enforcement as The Kings [and Queens] of Con); or the common knowledge that all SE Asians who complete the MMPI score high on Pd (psychopathic deviance) – yet they are not all sociopaths. Oh, and the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders is not a "Bible" Dr. Stout – the DSM is a dictionary, subject to periodic revisions.
38 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries
MaiaTheBee
5.0 out of 5 stars
Essential Reading for Anyone with Anti-Social Neighbours
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on April 3, 2018Verified Purchase
I bought this book after suffering anti-social behaviour from an elderly pensioner. Most people are unable to believe that a grandad could be so wicked. Especially, when what they see is a smiling grandpa in a cardigan and slippers dunking biscuits in his tea. The old woman who wrecked havoc in her neighbourhood had many parallels.
I couldn't understand the purpose or reason for the repeated attacks, on my property by the person, as we had never had any confrontation or dispute . After reading "The Sociopath Next Door", it became clear these people have no conscience, it is a game they are winning. Disrupting and causing chaos in normal people's lives feeds their ego and boosts their self esteem. They also like to make out you are the crazy one imagining everything. Of course normal people with a conscience can't believe anyone could behave in such a wicked way and do such things. My personal research has shown a problem with retired male pensioners with no hobbies or friends.
I couldn't understand the purpose or reason for the repeated attacks, on my property by the person, as we had never had any confrontation or dispute . After reading "The Sociopath Next Door", it became clear these people have no conscience, it is a game they are winning. Disrupting and causing chaos in normal people's lives feeds their ego and boosts their self esteem. They also like to make out you are the crazy one imagining everything. Of course normal people with a conscience can't believe anyone could behave in such a wicked way and do such things. My personal research has shown a problem with retired male pensioners with no hobbies or friends.
26 people found this helpful
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Brida
2.0 out of 5 stars
Is it just me, or was this book a little 'hollow'?
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on October 8, 2018Verified Purchase
Hmm. I was hoping for a more intelligent, insightful examination into the psychology of sociopaths, if I'm honest. At first, I was taken in by the book, fully expecting it to be a really interesting read. What I found after a while was that it was actually quite repetitive, and a little hollow, for want of a better word. Stout explains early on that sociopaths have no conscience at all. She also poses the question, at the beginning of the book, of what you would do if you, too, had absolutely no conscience. As the book progressed, Stout just seemed to keep coming back to these ideas: that sociopaths have no conscience at all, and then she would pose the question of, just what would you do, if you had no conscience impeding your actions. After a while, this just got tedious. The only other slant to her book was, to quite weirdly, suggest that with the aid of her book, you would be able to identify sociopaths as you come across them in your day-to-day life, and therefore protect yourself from them.
For me, this book just wasn't what I was hoping for, or expecting. If you are looking for a more intelligently written, examined book about this particular branch of psychology, I am guessing that there are other books out there which would be far better.
For me, this book just wasn't what I was hoping for, or expecting. If you are looking for a more intelligently written, examined book about this particular branch of psychology, I am guessing that there are other books out there which would be far better.
12 people found this helpful
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Florence Bunny
2.0 out of 5 stars
Buyer beware
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on November 14, 2019Verified Purchase
Really difficult to decide what to write in this review. Ok this book is accessible, gives a basic understanding of the subject and may be helpful to those not too badly damaged by the sort of relationships the author is describing. Given the statement that sociopaths are found everywhere, there might well be some basis for reluctance to seek help from a therapist in case they do more harm than good. So this book might seem a safe and cheaper alternative. But l found it concerning that the reader could find this book enlightening and convincing with no psychological support offered other than the advice to avoid sociopaths. Really if we could have done that we would have. So l cant help thinking that sales were a more important motivation than altruism and this book is irresponsible.
3 people found this helpful
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cadelle
5.0 out of 5 stars
If you have ever wondered why you just don't like some people and have fallen foul of their manipulations ...
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on May 2, 2016Verified Purchase
If you have ever wondered why you just don't like some people and have fallen foul of their manipulations this is the book to read.
I recommend it to many of my patients who have a psychopath in their lives.
Excellent, great case studies, could not put it down. I had a major problem with a psychopath at work this really helped me to understand that even therapists can be psychopaths.
I recommend it to many of my patients who have a psychopath in their lives.
Excellent, great case studies, could not put it down. I had a major problem with a psychopath at work this really helped me to understand that even therapists can be psychopaths.
15 people found this helpful
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Guy Green
5.0 out of 5 stars
Protect yourself with knowledge.
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on December 14, 2018Verified Purchase
During my first reading of this book I felt as if grey fog was falling away from my mind. Things about the world, about people and relationships that had always been unclear to me were suddenly laid bare in stark clarity.
I am not exaggerating when I say that after reading this book the world made much more sense to me.
I am now reading it for the third time.
I am not exaggerating when I say that after reading this book the world made much more sense to me.
I am now reading it for the third time.
8 people found this helpful
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