Great book for anyone with children who is contemplating divorce, in the midst of one, or who has had one.
Also good for those whose divorces were a long time ago, or who themselves are children of parents who divorced -- even t if was years ago.
Wendy Paris doesn't advocate for divorce, but sees it as sometimes inevitable; and her book strikes a balance between the well-being of the child or children and a good and rich life for the parents. The child is most important, but the parents are important too.
Thanks for this very needed book.
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![Splitopia: Dispatches from Today's Good Divorce and How to Part Well by [Wendy Paris]](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/41Wgsibp9GL._SY346_.jpg)
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Splitopia: Dispatches from Today's Good Divorce and How to Part Well Kindle Edition
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Wendy Paris
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Format: Kindle Edition
Wendy Paris
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LanguageEnglish
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PublisherAtria Books
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Publication dateMarch 15, 2016
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File size1551 KB
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Editorial Reviews
Review
“Splitopia is the essential resource for anyone who wants a “good” divorce—one that allows both partners to pass through this wrenching transition with mutual respect and affection. Packed with research, insights, and illuminating (and often funny) examples from Wendy Paris’s own divorce experience, this book is a practical and reassuring guide to parting well. Divorce isn’t a happy experience, but for many people, it can lead to a happier life.” (Gretchin Rubin, author of the Happiness Project, Happier at Home, and Better than Before )
"Finally, a book that shows there really can be a good divorce (even after the marriage has turned bad). Splitopia is a great resource and an engaging, moving read by a wonderfully subtle, skilled writer. Drawing on the author's own experiences, changes in divorce law and practice, and hundreds of studies, it has useful advice, helpful hints—and much humor." (Naomi Cahn, Harold H. Greene Chair, GWU Law School, Coauthor of Marriage Markets )
"Splitopia is an important book. Divorce is hard, but there are approaches that minimize the pain and set people on a path to healing. When kids are in the mix, this work is crucial. Great solutions come when you have the benefit of the best thinking in the room, in divorce and in politics. In an adversarial context, that kind of creativity and benefit just can't happen. We need t be able to focus on our shared aspirations. Splitopia suggests a path for how to do this." (Joan Blades, cofounder of MoveOn.org, Momsrising.org, and Livingroomconversatoins.org )
"In Splitopia, Wendy Paris has set out not only to write the essential and supremely practical guide to the good divorce, but to change how we think and talk about the way we dissolve what were once expected to be indissoluble unions. Rather than lasting until death, Paris asks, why not see marriages as successful for lasting as long as they last? Filled with history, research on everything from child development and mediation to loneliness and resilience, and a wide array of engaging stories that themselves serve as a reminder of just how common divorce, and often the bad divorce, is, Splitopia makes a compelling case that it’s high time for a new definition of Happily Ever After – for everyone." (Brigid Schulte, author of the New York Times bestseller, Overwhelmed: Work, Love & Play When No One has the Time director The Good Life Initiative at New America)
“A smart, thoughtful, and well-written antidote to the popular idea that divorce is a toxic event for parents and children. Think of it instead as a family reorganization – a period not just of crisis but also of opportunity for growth and development. Paris shows that a carefully planned and thoughtfully executed divorce can result in a better quality of life for parents and children. She is particularly astute in recommending that couples consider innovative options for the legal aspects of their divorce such as mediation, unbundled legal services, and collaborative law. They help couples avoid protracted courtroom combat that can become all-consuming for them and their children, make wise choices for the future,and get on with their lives productively.” (Andrew Schepard, Max Schmaltz Distinguished Professor of Law|Director Emeritus of the Center for Children, Families and the Law and Editor, Family Court Review, Maurice A. Deane School of Law at Hofstra University )
"Combining personal insights, stories, and research, Wendy Paris created a smart and interesting guide that can be extremely helpful for those going through divorce." (Tal Ben-Shahar, positive psychology lecturer and teacher, author of Happier )
"A good divorce is possible. Wendy Paris makes that case and explains how. Through Splitopia’s compelling stories and deep research, we gain insight into marriage, separation, and life well-lived." (Shane J. Lopez, PhD, author of Making Hope Happen )
"Splitopia is a wonderful blend of storytelling and social science -- a book that amuses and captivates while dispensing shrewd advice based on solid psychological research. It's a practical guide that also lifts the spirit. Breaking up is hard to do, but reading Wendy Paris is a pleasure."
(John Tierney, co-author of the New York Times bestseller Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength. )
“This a wonderful book. I think anybody going into a relationship should read this. In many ways, this may be the most comprehensive approach to relationships that I’ve seen.” (Tonio Epstein, host of National Public Radio’s “Magical Mystery Tour” )
“Paris is like an older, wiser friend who cheerfully shares her advice and counsel. Particularly useful as a guide for clients, Splitopia also provides valuable insights for lawyers on how our clients might be experiencing divorce and on the types of non-legal advice we might provide to support them outside of our offices.” (Naomi Cahn and Jana Singer Family Law Quarterly, Spring 2016)
“[A] litany of doom is the prevailing divorce narrative, perpetuated by pundits, popular culture, and moralizers. Paris is having none of it. In Splitopia, she does not tiptoe over the heartache or the pain of ending a marriage, but she does gift us with a compassionate, compelling, carefully-researched account of a new and more humane story of divorce—one in which the main characters can become better people in the end. Paris is an engaging storyteller and gifted teacher.” (Bella DePaulo PsychCentral.com)
About the Author
Wendy Paris is a journalist and essayist whose work on marriage, relationships, and contemporary culture has appeared in The New York Times, Psychology Today, Glamour, Brides, QZ.com, Salon.com, Travel & Leisure, Essence, and Marketplace radio. She was a 2014 Fellow with New America Foundation, a 2013 Fellow with Encore.org, a MacDowell Colony Fellow, and a Visiting Artist at the 18th Street Arts Center. She has an MFA in creative nonfiction writing from Columbia University and blogs about the good divorce at WendyParis.com and PsychologyToday.com. She and her ex-husband and son moved together, separately, from the New York area to Santa Monica, California, while she was writing this book. Find out more from WendyParis.com and follow her on Twitter @WendyParis1.
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Splitopia

Many people assume divorce destroys relationships, but some former spouses get along better after they part. Fears about being single, miserable, and broke tend to be overblown. My husband and I set off on a quest to separate, together. --This text refers to the paperback edition.
CHAPTER ONE
The Joy of Ex
My Quest for a More Perfect Disunion

Many people assume divorce destroys relationships, but some former spouses get along better after they part. Fears about being single, miserable, and broke tend to be overblown. My husband and I set off on a quest to separate, together. --This text refers to the paperback edition.
Product details
- ASIN : B010MHAH08
- Publisher : Atria Books; Reprint edition (March 15, 2016)
- Publication date : March 15, 2016
- Language : English
- File size : 1551 KB
- Text-to-Speech : Enabled
- Screen Reader : Supported
- Enhanced typesetting : Enabled
- X-Ray : Not Enabled
- Word Wise : Enabled
- Print length : 337 pages
- Page numbers source ISBN : 1476725519
- Lending : Not Enabled
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Best Sellers Rank:
#819,779 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
- #438 in Sociology of Marriage & Family (Kindle Store)
- #742 in Divorce (Kindle Store)
- #1,506 in Sociology of Marriage & Family (Books)
- Customer Reviews:
Customer reviews
4.6 out of 5 stars
4.6 out of 5
28 global ratings
How are ratings calculated?
To calculate the overall star rating and percentage breakdown by star, we don’t use a simple average. Instead, our system considers things like how recent a review is and if the reviewer bought the item on Amazon. It also analyzes reviews to verify trustworthiness.
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Reviewed in the United States on March 15, 2016
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4 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on April 11, 2016
Verified Purchase
This book really helped me gain a more modern and confident perspective on separation and divorce. I enjoyed that it was informative yet read like a novel! I gave it 4 stars instead of 5 because I don't think everyone would glean what I did from it. My husband, and perhaps many men, would not likely have the same take aways. It is written from this woman's perspective and experience, so I see it as most beneficial to other women facing divorce.
One person found this helpful
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5.0 out of 5 stars
... hope -- and tools -- for moving towards a good divorce. Anyone considering divorce
Reviewed in the United States on March 16, 2016Verified Purchase
Splitopia provides hope -- and tools -- for moving towards a good divorce. Anyone considering divorce, and anyone who knows someone who might be considering divorce or is divorced (and that's true for most of us) can benefit from reading this compellingly written book. It provides a lovely blend of memoir and positive psychology, with heady doses of the reality of the divorce.
3 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on January 13, 2017
Verified Purchase
Very good book very informative
Reviewed in the United States on November 21, 2016
Verified Purchase
I've made one error,....... should have read this before. Hope anyone contemplating the idea is exposed to the book before they make their move.
Reviewed in the United States on March 16, 2016
Verified Purchase
I love this book about how to divorce with grace and less pain. It's very well-researched, funny, honest and I love her unique, quirky voice.
5.0 out of 5 stars
Finally - A realistic Life-Positive, nonjudgemental book to help couples contemplate a divorce
Reviewed in the United States on June 22, 2016Verified Purchase
Finally ! Our culture vilifies the fact of divorce, and the Catholic church only recently changed their policy of shunning/ex-communicating people during the pain of a divorce. Divorce is a reality and it can be very positive change for all involved, as compared to a high-conflict or zombie marriage. Wendy's book does a GREAT job of walking through the reality of divorce, the good and the ugly, and painting a realistic picture of a caring positive approach to divorce. Well done, Ms Paris !!
One person found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on April 29, 2020
I am not divorced, getting divorced, contemplating divorce nor a child of divorce (though probably should have been.) I purchased this book as part of research I'm doing for a paper on divorce. The plan was to "skim" through; to find studies, quotes or perspective relevant to my research. Given that I have a pile of books waiting to be read for "pleasure," that I found myself stopping to actually read rather than skim this book -which was solely for work purposes, says a lot. Paris not only did her homework, but more importantly she brings the art of storytelling, the gift of compassion and an ability to dive into those liminal spaces with a subject that most see as very black and white. This is not just a book on "divorcing." This is a book about divorce AND about being a human. Paris clearly put more than research and divorce anecdotes into this book. Only wish certain divorced and still angry extended family members had read this - their kids would have thanked them.