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Stalking the Soul Paperback – Illustrated, April 1, 2000
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"Devoted" by Dean Koontz
For the first time in paperback, from Dean Koontz, the master of suspense, comes an epic thriller about a terrifying killer and the singular compassion it will take to defeat him. | Learn more
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- Item Weight : 12.6 ounces
- Paperback : 208 pages
- ISBN-10 : 9781885586995
- ISBN-13 : 978-1885586995
- Product Dimensions : 6.1 x 0.6 x 9.2 inches
- Publisher : Helen Marx Books; Illustrated Edition (April 1, 2000)
- Language: : English
- ASIN : 188558699X
- Best Sellers Rank: #460,108 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- Customer Reviews:
Top reviews from the United States
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To address the entirety of the material is beyond the scope of this brief review, but most poignant were the comparisons to Sun Tsu’s, The Art of War (which he was forever quoting) that sent CHILLS down my spine. A list of the manipulations I experienced, from the refusal of direct communication, to the distortion of language, lies, the invalidation of my feelings and other destabilizing tactics that eroded my self esteem and left me continually doubting myself. A roadmap to confusion and control in an attempt annihilate me. Like said in an earlier review, you are prey for these soulless creatures. Don’t try and talk to friends/family that have not experienced this stalking, they will NEVER understand, leading to more harm.
I am angry. This book made me see how systematic it all was. It was intentional and HEARTLESS.
As a woman who was deceived and abused by a narcissist, I can only say this book was essential to my understanding of what I had truly experienced. This book has helped return my sanity & sense of strength. Instead of blaming and shaming myself for what happened, Stalking The Soul helped me understand that I possess many positive qualities that acted as a magnet for the Narcissist. I am an educated, vivacious, life loving, happy and well connected woman with many healthy, long term friendships and close family relations. I am active, intelligent, attractive. I made a terrific target for the Narcissist and he was drawn to me as a Vampire is to blood. In fact, Narcissists really are vampires of energy, souls, and spirits.
This book helped me understand why I ignored those many little red flags and my inability to comprehend the inconsistencies, crazy making, and exchanges - whether big or small, as they all occurred. This book helped me understand completely the behavior of the Narcissist when he lost control of me. 4 months into the relationship I had a strong gut feeling and began to back out, and in his attempt to regain a sense of power and importance, he deliberately inflicted as much pain and insult as possible. I had never been attacked like that in my life and it was incomprehensible to me. Pure malice.
As Ms. Hirigoyen clarifies, only by examining the entire relationship in reverse do we comprehend the events, the barbs, the slights - the little red flags we dismissed - because it was all disassociated when it occurred. It simply did not make sense to us due to our values. WE, the victims/survivors, came to the relationship authentically and fully with good intentions and values that were polar opposite of the Narcissist. We brought a lot to the table, as the author says. As the relationship evolved, we trusted this Narcissist with our vulnerabilities & weaknesses as one does in a healthy, honest relationship. Our values, our honesty, our genuine ability to love not only went unreciprocated, we were conned of something far more valuable than money, and in a horrible fashion. We were unaware that we were engaged with what is essentially a malevolent entity who is not capable of self love, let alone love/empathy for anyone else. We did not know that the vulnerabilities & weaknesses we revealed in loving trust would be turned on us like ammunition that the Narcissist would shred our psyche and soul with in the most heinous, sadistic manner imaginable.
I am grateful to Ms. Hirigoyen for this book. I described it to my therapist and will be lending it to her. Sadly, I am sure there are many out there who have been or will be exposed to such a monster (and I do think they are monsters) and will suffer terrible and excruciating pain as a result. Therapists must understand that we do not want to dwell on the story of what happened, but we need to VENT about it and make sense of it because it can be so damaging. We must understand it's the Narcissist who is responsible for their pathology and behavior, not us. We need to examine what happened to avoid internalizing it and to restore our sanity and psyche! That isn't to say we don't have our own issues, perhaps need to strengthen our boundaries and better listen to our inner voice when it tells us "if something looks too good to be true, it is"; and especially listen if that inner voice says "something here is really not right, step back or just GO!"
If you have suffered - whether it be at the hands of a parent, a partner, a friend or even at the workplace - do yourself a favor and purchase this book. I'd give it 10 stars if I could!
I read it over and over in parts, mostly when I awoke in the middle of the night with the suppressed and muddled cognitions of a battered woman.
Batterers can and mostly are able to turn on the charm and give the illusion that all is normal, nothing is out of line here. Don't believe it, read the book and any other good book on the subject. It's a hard pill to swallow, but better to swallow the knowledge & get on with what you have to do than continue to choke on this bitter pill. Because the batterer will NEVER allow you to spit that bitter pill out. He'll always have his hand over your mouth to shut you up and shut you down.
It's not the victim's "fault." When you see someone in need of support, be there for them. They need a hand up.
Top reviews from other countries
If you have suffered abuse from a parent or cluster B, then this is the book.
It doesn't go in depth, but it gives you enough to build a framework for healing and resolution.