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Stand by Her: A Breast Cancer Guide for Men Paperback – October 7, 2009

4.3 out of 5 stars 15 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews


“…page after page of sound practical advice and empathic counsel…make Anderson’s book an undisputable choice for a place on the shortlist of guides for caregivers.” -- Foreword magazine

“With wit and openness, [author] writes about women's feelings and how men should respond…excellent title for the males…women will gain perspective as well.” -- Library Journal

“…a guideline, a war strategy, a resource guide and an emotional support system eloquently...that should be read by every man.” -- Our Health magazine

"No woman should have to face this diagnosis alone. Stand by Her gives a man the tools he needs to be a stand-up guy." -- Energy Times

“…wealth of insight as he guides men to an understanding of the meaningful role they can… play in a woman's treatment and…recovery.“-- New York Daily News

“…very compelling read…a precious gift and powerful weapon in the fight against breast cancer. Well done, Mr Anderson!” -- Help4NewMoms.com

“A great read for anyone…just learning someone they love has breast cancer.” -- Banton Rouge Parents Magazine

“…this book is wonderful!...I'm so happy that Anderson has put together this great book for other men going through the same thing.” -- MomontheRandom .com

“This is the MUST-READ book for men.” -- An Island Life

Selected by Wall Street Journal as one of 2009 best health books. “…walks men through all the physical and emotional challenges women will face during treatment…”

"...an invaluable guide to support. A must for both health collections and personal consultation.” -- The Midwest Book Review

"...pages...seep with joy and remorse, humor, comfort and wisdom from one who has seen the battle from the front lines.”-- Roanoker

Selected by Library Journal as one of the Best Consumer Health Books of 2009



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Product Details

  • Paperback: 272 pages
  • Publisher: AMACOM; 1 edition (October 7, 2009)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0814413919
  • ISBN-13: 978-0814413913
  • Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 6 x 0.8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1 pounds
  • Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (15 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #607,296 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
My wife, Brenda, was diagnosed with breast cancer this past year. I felt like I was hit by a truck. There are plenty of great books out there, such as Susan Love's Breast Book to help the general population understand what is happening. I don't know of ANY books like this one, which is written from the perspective of a man trying to cope with something we always think happens to someone else - not to me.

I pre-ordered this book as soon as I found out it was available on Amazon. It has been a HUGE help.

John Anderson has dealt with this dreaded disease from every angle you can imagine: from his mother to his sister to his wife. Just knowing there are guys out there like John that have gotten through it and are able to write a book to help others navigate through it is a big help in my opinion. Guys - like me - tend to pull back and go into the cave when these things happen. It was extremely helpful to have access to a book like this and remind myself that there are a lot of guys who've worked through it with their loved ones and come out stronger on the other side.

Knowledge is power - If you are struggling to understand what you can DO (very much a guy feeling), I'd recommend educating yourself with books like this one. Find others who've been through it and gird yourself for battle. The story of John's wife Sharon is amazing proof of how far we've come to beating this thing.
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Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
This is a terrific resource for any husband, father, or supportive caregiver whose loved one is facing breast cancer. John Anderson opens his heart and life to us and offers wonderful practical advice from the knowledge he gained during the time he and his wife Sharon battled breast cancer. As anyone who has been down the road of navigating a life threatening illness knows, it is not easy. John honestly looks at the toll it takes on a marriage and how you can come through together on the other side. As I read this book, it really became a testament to the power of honesty and strength of two people confronting their fears and reaffirming their love at the same time. OK but it isn't just about that - it is also practical information that can help anyone who feels helpless when their spouse is so ill. Things like how to handle that first time you look at the scars of surgery or when is it a good time to tell the kids. Anderson confronts his own guilt - tired of having a sick wife, tired of the stress and tired of being positive and that honesty will help readers who may be facing a similar situation cope. This is a tremendous resource and one that you will read cover to cover and then go back and reread particular sections.
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Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I don't know how John Anderson did it, but he put into words EXACTLY what I went through emotionally during the 2 years I had a double mastectomy, chemo, radiation, and 5 reconstructive surgeries. This is a MUST READ for any husband, boyfriend, father, significant other, mother, sister, any major caregiver or the person who is most involved with a breast cancer patient's life. No one can understand what BC does to the psyche of a woman, but this book articulates it beautifully and makes wonderful recommendations on how to best support and care for the woman you love through her journey back to health. It is a gift to all BC patients because it can even explain to you what and how you are feeling and what to anticipate, like realizing that you will never return to "normal.." However, you and your loved ones will find a new normal, and you can find joy in the new person you become from your experiences.
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Format: Paperback
A friend sent me a copy of this book after he read my review of The Selfish Pig's Guide to Caring here on Amazon. He knew that I have been the primary caregiver for my wife who has had brain cancer for over 30 years, and he wondered if Stand by Her: A Breast Cancer Guide for Men would be helpful to him -- his wife has recently been diagnosed with a stomach cancer.

My answer is maybe, depending on the husband and to a certain extent on the wife -- all of us are different and all of us react to the challenges in very different ways. I don't know much about breast cancer, but my sister went through the entire process described in this book six years ago, and they both thought it range true for them in several ways.

What I do know is that coming to grips with the issues presented to a husband arising from his wife's cancer can be very difficult to deal with. The Well blog on "The New York Times" website recently reportedfor on a study of 515 patients who received diagnoses of brain tumors or multiple sclerosis from 2001 through 2006. Women in the study who were told they had a serious illness were seven times as likely to become separated or divorced as men with similar health problems. Over all, about 12 percent of the patients in the study ended up separated or divorced, but when the man became ill, only 3 percent experienced the end of a marriage. Among women, about 21 percent ended up separated or divorced.

Readers reaction ran a wide gamut, with a very large number of women and men finding the results "pathetic" and proof that men are "evil" or that "men can't cope.
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