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Stepmonster: A New Look at Why Real Stepmothers Think, Feel, and Act the Way We Do Hardcover – May 4, 2009
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"[Martin's] insights and advice are more clear and articulate than those offered in any other book on the subject that's currently available." -LA Examiner
"For women who find themselves in a similar family dynamic, Martin's book should come as a welcome relief, and proof that they are not alone." -Bust
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Top Customer Reviews
Since many won't read this review in its entirety, I must get this out right now...If you are contemplating marriage to a man with children then let me share a secret that no one shared with me... There isn't anything fun about a step family, and to elaborate, there is nothing fun about being a stepmom. I thought that step-motherhood was a mission I could undertake and I thought my gain was going to be far greater than my loss. I assure you... I was wrong!! No one warned me AT ALL of what I was facing and I am straight up pissed off about that. Being a step-mother makes for a difficult, lonely life and it doesn't ever feel like a real family. So I hate to sound bitter here, but the fact is, I am bitter. Save yourself the heartache. This is not what marriage (or family) was intended to be. Read this book and take heed! If you are not moved to seriously reevaluate your decision to marry this man, then you are a hopeless optimist. You will, throughout your marriage, be able to relate to damn near every sentence in this book.
Stepmonster - Even the title might scare you from reading it. Who would want to admit that they might be a Stepmonster? And you could certainly never let anyone see you reading this book.Read more ›
This is truly a first-of-its-kind book about stepmothering as it focuses exclusively on the needs, perceptions, emotions and experiences of the stepmother. Thank you, Wednesday Martin, for finally giving stepmothers validation and a voice. Well-written and impeccably sourced, it presents an unflinching look at stepmothering. I couldn't put it down and read it in one day!
I know from personal experience, both as a stepmother and stepdaughter, that stepparenting is one of the toughest and most thankless jobs in the world; compassion fatigue is a real risk. And, unfortunately, to date, most of the books disseminated by the blended family/stepparenting industry are child-centric, advising newly-blended families to put the needs of the children from the prior marriage first. Add to that all of the messages from popular culture, media, etc. that subtly and not-so-subtly vilify stepmothers (e.g., "Cinderella") and it should come as no surpise that second marriages with stepchildren fail at such an alarming rate. "Stepmonster" brings a fresh perspective to this particular sub-genre of self-help books; I sincerely hope it is but the first of many books to fairly explore the precarious role of the stepmother in modern family life.
My personal take-away message from this book was that, as stepparents and stepchildren, we are, to each other, non-essential personnel and must strive to form our bonds based upon civility and mutual respect (picking up after oneself doesn't hurt either!). We don't have to a have a perfect relationship or one that mimics the biological parent-child relationship.Read more ›
Stepmonster dares to speak uncomfortable truths: that even the nicest stepmothers and stepchildren frequently don't like each other; that it can take years for stepfamilies to settle into something resembling a satisfactory adjustment; that stepmothers and stepchildren virtually never form bonds as close as birth parents and children; and that all of these things are completely normal.
For any woman who is a stepmother or is considering becoming one, this book is like water in the desert.
I read this book for many reasons. I am a stepmother as well as a step-daughter, my children have stepmothers and my own mother was a stepmother. What I have learned in my personal experience is that being a stepmom is often thankless and ungratifying. Give-and-take precepts in this role are practically non-existent. Stepmothers are subject to the highest standards to provide unconditional love toward the stepchild--to be a chef, a maid, a laundress, a chauffeur, a tutor and a financial resource. The stepmother is a walking irony. Society expects that the stepmom respect the boundaries and feelings not only that of the stepchild, but her husband/the father, his ex-wife/the mother, the former in-laws, all the while without expecting reciprocity for her own exploited boundaries and feelings--Dr. Martin's term: self-abnegation. The stepmother is often the fall guy in the family system.Read more ›
Most Recent Customer Reviews
I am a stepmom to my husband's 14 year old son, and I had a baby with my husband too. If you go online to any chatroom of support groups for stepmoms, you will see the same things... Read morePublished 25 days ago by Me
Well crafted book that will tug on your heart strings and make any step-mother feel like she is not alone in the world. Read morePublished 26 days ago by AvidAmazoner
Everything with the Amazon experience was great. Reading this book it feels like it is written by a female with a lot of drama. It felt very school girlish and over dramatized. Read morePublished 2 months ago by Britneybb
Dr. Wednesday Martin has become well known as a practical and informed explainer and advisor via radio interviews and her blog. Read morePublished 2 months ago by mch
I'd give anything if this book had been around when I married a man with a child in 1999. It's the most helpful book I've read on the subject and a MUST READ for anyone (thinking... Read morePublished 2 months ago by Stafford Dennis
This booked has helped me in so many ways!!!! As a newlywed with 2 step kids I was in awe at how my story and feeling are very similar to other women. Read morePublished 3 months ago by great app!!! I have truely been blessed by this daily word. Its a must have.
<em>STEPMONSTER</em> by Wendesday Martin. I am a step-mom and it is no easy task, and I have read various books on the subject and they seemed to center on the children... Read morePublished 4 months ago by Sylvia Schmidt