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Stiff Things: The Splatterporn Anthology Paperback – August 22, 2016
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Between the cover image and title you pretty much know what you’re going to get with Stiff Things: The Splatterp*rn Anthology. You don’t need me to define the term “splatterp*rn”, do you? Note that this is “the” splatterp*rn anthology rather than “a” splatterp*rn anthology, suggesting that this subgenre isn’t as widely represented as, say, vampire tales. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, because there are stories in here that describe some seriously disgusting acts.
Obviously, the point of splatterp**n is to elicit repugnance, and this anthology is wildly successful at that. Where else can you read about rape, genital mutilation, necrophilia, and the spraying of bodily fluids without being denounced as a social undesirable? Is that even possible anymore? The being socially undesirable thing, not the being denounced thing. In any event, let’s take an in-depth look at the stories you’ll find in Stiff Things:
There are no surprises in Brandon Ford’s Modern Celebrity, but there aren’t supposed to be, either; after all, it is the first tale in a splatterporn short story collection. You’ll find pints of pre-c**, silver dollar n***les, Snickers bars, and an “oh so hungry h*le” in an overlong narrative that has more than one cl*max. So to speak.
Suckers by Brian Rosenberger and Cori Vidae takes you down to Innsmouth for some hot Lovecraft action. Don’t worry: it doesn’t get too weird…which is a shame, really.
Olive Whittier’s One Ear, Always to the Land of the Dead makes an attempt at high fantasy, but lacks the lyricism necessary to pull it off. Still, you’ll find it memorable.
Godf***ed by Tanker Ray has tremendous descriptive power, an unusual theme, hysterical dialogue…and then just ends.
The Solution by Kristopher Triana starts with a high school handy and ends with…well, you’ll just have to read it to see. There’s a golden goose theme to the whole story (without the goose, thank God).
If westerns are your kink, you’ll dig Hunter’s Moon by S.C. Hayden. Two little lambs, indeed.
Male homosexual relationships are represented in Eric LaRocca’s If My Face Were Transparent, You’d See the Devil. Obsession, victimhood, and a grueling, horrific ending that you won’t forget. This is the story that makes you put down the book for a while and go outside to take a walk after reading.
Shequila Rayne’s Charlotte the Harlot plays a game of “What’s grosser than gross” against itself and wins. Yay.
Speaking of games, guess what Andrew Darlington’s The P*nis of the Marquis De Sade is about. Well, it’s about as humorous as you might expect, with a fun story and an entertaining sad-sack protagonist.
The Extra Mile by Paul Allih ends the anthology with a specific perversion that gets taken to an explosive, if disgusting conclusion.
If you find Stiff Things to be a turn-on, more power to you: we’re not judging here, and you can read this entire book without shame (you sick, sick maniac). I don’t think that’s the intent, however. Stiff Things is looking to touch you in a specific place, and with ten stories to choose from, it’ll no doubt trip your trigger in some way or other. Just clean yourself up afterwards.
(Review originally posted at The Slaughtered Bird.)
I read VILE & SICK THiNGS some years ago (my paperbacks were lost in an unfortunate conflagration involving an ex-lover, a pimp and a priest) and remember them vividly in my besotted memory and I will reread those bad boys soon but the STIFF THINGS book in this trilogy of sorts was all new to me, so keep that in mind, dead readers, er dear readers. What we have here is a compendium (if that's the right word) of extreme sick vile & very STIFF bunch of tale to curl your toes, moisten unmentionable parts and give you a queasy feeling where you might not want it. In other words, this box set is all it's CRACKED up to be. There's not a bad story in the bunch except that they're all BAD in the best way. Be warned, this is not for the casual reader or panties-in-a-twist reader but for the folks who actually understand and love hardcore sh*t, this is the wet stuff you get off on. The contributors ain't big-name dudes but they gots de chops to stand your hairs on end and test your gag reflex.
No need to go into detail on the individual tales (don't you hate when they tell you too much), suffice it to say that this is crap you waon't read anywhere else but Comet Press (thier slogan being "Home Is Where The Hard Is"). [Barkeep! Another shot!] But all kidding aside, this is a good splatterporn read and if you don't have any blooming idea what what splatteporn is, then you probably don't want to subject your tender mind to this sort of stuff but for all you other sickies, this is don't one you want o pass up. And you will get some on you!
Mr. Hempel my hats off to you for the outstanding narration of this book. I am sure you set with your legs crossed and hands over your lap a time or two as you worked your way through this story. I had no trouble at all feeling the excitement of each character at the build up for some thrilling exciting sex scenes. You even had me feeling sorry for mankind and wanting to pull a few people right out of the pages as they took on the pleasure and then the pain when the end was clear. I found his character voices to be wonderful you have no trouble knowing who is talking, or how much pleasure they are in along with how much pain they feel along with the excitement the deliver is feeling as they bring the pleasure and pain on. There were no background noise (if there had been I would most likely have jumped out of my car running for my life) nor any places where the volume was louder than any other place in the audio. What this narrator gives you is clean, crisp, clear audio that will leave you shaking your head. You have no trouble visualizing what he has just given you it is very vivid that you become so invested you might forget where you where you are and what you are doing. I really wish I could give more than 5 Stars the narration was outstanding.
The first story starts out they are looking for some action as they have a few VERY HOT scenes with their selves. They finally found one to take up the call went home and got it on for everyone on the net as you yourself think oh and not in a good way. You think what are these people thinking and then you find out. As I was almost to work the audio left me speechless with my mouth hung open think no way that just happened. Yep Yep it did and lord they aren’t done. I had to set in my car listening until the end came still leaving me speechless. I have to honestly say this title fits the book in more ways than one. It will not be the first of these stories that will leave you speechless there are a few. Some I didn’t really care for it was a little hard to understand what the author was trying to show you but horror no doubt is in there. Others will leave you so shocked you won’t be able to talk leaving you looking straight ahead with eyes blinking afraid to face just what happened. Some are nasty beyond nasty and some will make you want to upchuck. This is one book that is filled with psychosexual horror that will leave men with their legs crossed and pulling back into their selves wishing they could run but to afraid to move. It will leave women shaking in horror wanting to run the other way. If you love horror and erotic take the dare and pick this up you will never see humans the same again. I know I am keeping an eye on those around me and I don’t think I will be making any new friends anytime soon. Lol This is just too horrible and to nasty but I bet it will stick with you for a long time. It’s not an audio for the weak there are some very vivid details that you won’t even have to close your eyes to see. I am still shaking my head. Words cannot do justice to some of these stories….
Volunteered requested a copy from NetGalley/Edelweiss /book tour/author/publisher