From the Author
I experienced what, for me, was a difficult divorce. This was almost a decade ago. I have since come to meet many, many people compared to whom my own troubles were relatively minor. Yet, what happened to me was enough to affect me profoundly, to propel my life into new directions. I began to seek out the company of others who were in similar situations; I started support groups for fathers and became an activist for shared parenting. I became deeply interested in psychotherapy, as a client, then as a student and a practitioner. I have been struggling with pain and anger as well as questions such as: How can I be the more of the father I want to be? More of the person I really want to be? Like everybody else, I have had to deal with these issues in the midst of many pressures, wishing there was a way to escape these pressures just long enough to hear myself think. I have come to understand I couldn't do so, any more than anybody else could. We make up our philosophy of life moment to moment, as we deal with life by making choices big and small. Life is terrifying if we see it as a series of senseless struggles, a chaotic succession of obstacles hurled our way to block us or destroy us. No sooner have we managed to escape one, that another comes out of left field. It helps to have a roadmap - a sense of what to expect and of where the road goes. My own journey became easier the moment I started to realize that I was not alone, that I could draw on the experiences of others - people I could talk to in person, as well as people throughout history who had written about dealing with adversity and life in general. The purpose of this book is to offer such a roadmap, based on my own experience as well as those of the many fathers I have been getting to know through the years.
From the Back Cover
"A deeply felt, well thought out guide for fathers who up to now have been neglected by the system." (John Guarnaschelli, Ph.D., On the Common Ground)
About the Author
Serge Prengel is an activist who has been very involved in fathers' groups and shared parenting advocacy. He co-founded the New York City chapter of the Children's Rights Council. As the President of this group, he has worked closely with fathers as well as mediators, therapists, lawyers... in New York City and nationally. Together with Diane Yale, JD, past President of the Family and Divorce Mediation Council of Greater New York, he co-led workshops on The Socially Responsible Divorce. Serge Prengel, a divorced father, has joint custody of his two children. He is happily remarried and lives in New York City. Following his own divorce, almost 10 years ago, he did a lot of psychotherapy - first as a client, then also as a trainee and as a practitioner.
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
IN THE BEGINNING: John & Jane have a child. They both love him very much. John & Jane are not getting along. They fight a lot. When John and Jane break up, Jane says: You don't belong in here! Get out of the house!
John says: I want to divorce you, not him! The child doesn't say much But he's all torn inside.
Jane says: Look what you're doing to him. Jane goes crying to the Judge. Look what he's doing to my child.
The Judge says: It is the best interest of the child That the fighting stop. John is relieved: The Judge will get Jane to see A child needs both parents.
But the Judge goes on: And for the fight to end, There is but one way. It is that you, John, go away.
