- Paperback: 228 pages
- Publisher: Rowman & Littlefield Publishers; Reprint edition (August 14, 2014)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 1442238321
- ISBN-13: 978-1442238329
- Product Dimensions: 6 x 0.6 x 9 inches
- Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
- Average Customer Review: 273 customer reviews
- Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #23,348 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get On with Life Reprint Edition
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I thoroughly enjoyed reading Fjelstad´s book and I found it informative, exciting, and above all very well written. Fjelstad is truly honest and frank about the fact that the borderline and narcissist are mentally ill and unwilling to change. She is open about the fact that caretakers too get something from the situation and that it is up to them to break the cycle of caretaking since the BP or NP is not going to change their ways. Fjelstad's advice is well thought out and practical which makes them easier to follow and she provides the reader with specific ideas and examples to how the caretaker can make the changes needed to rid themselves of the power that the BP or NP has over them. . . . [T]he book is excellent material for anyone that is living with or has any involvement with a BP or a NP, close or distant, since the book fosters understanding of the disorders and the need of the caretaker. The book can be of great use to psychology student, especially those in clinical psychology or those focusing on personality disorders. (Metapsychology Online Reviews)
Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist is refreshingly no-nonsense, provides lots of useful hints on how to put this self-care model into practice while at the same time informing thoroughly and in no uncertain terms about the BP/NP's view of the world. It is a most helpful book! (Addiction / Sucht / Adicción)
About the Author
Margalis Fjelstad, PhD, LMFT, has a private psychotherapy practice in Ft. Collins, CO, specializing in work with clients who are in relationship to someone who has borderline or narcissistic personality disorder, and she facilitates groups on Caretaker recovery. She has previously been an Adjunct Faculty member at Regis University in Colorado Springs and at California State University in Sacramento.
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Top customer reviews
A bonus is that the author clearly defines what to look for in a healthy relationship. The following is my summary, but the author's ideas.
A real relationship is based on each person giving the other approximately the same amount of energy as the other receives. Whether this energy is in the form of attention, invitations, gifts, advice, help, or understanding does not matter. This is called reciprocity.
A healthy relationship is
* One that is nurturing to one another,
* Fulfills the relational needs of each person and
* Attends to the interests and desires of each other.
In addition, a healthy relationship
* Does not drain the other, but gives the other energy,
* Helps each other feel relaxed and
* Makes the other feel wanted and cared for.
mental dysfunctions to diagnose and work with. Happen to be familiar with both types and their impact on both those suffering from them and their
families trying to interact nd deal with them. Very difficult. A huge need for both to understand the wiring that causes these problems. And to recognize the impact they cause. And how these dysfunctions are manifested. Truly enlightening how often these types engage with those
people that are caretakers,
- SECURE UNINTERRUPTED SLEEP THAT LASTS LONG ENOUGH.
- EAT ALL MEALS FREE FROM THE STRESS OF A CONTROLLING AND EXPLOSIVE PERSON.
- ESTABLISH REGULAR ALONE TIME IN A PLACE WHERE THE PERSON CANNOT DISTURB YOU.
You need to regain your judgement, strength, and sense of who you are - and the points above provide an essential foundation. Put them in place.
While you're at it, read this book. Then _do_ what is right for you.
DO NOT 'DISCUSS' ANY OF THESE POINTS WITH THE BP/NP, JUST ACT. Discussion and argument waste your life. But you know that now, don't you? ;-)
AND...when you get control of your life back - try reading Shari Manning, 'Loving Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder.' It will help you to understand what is going on in the other person, and how the way you handle your own reactions can change the situation you are both in. It has given me the hope that there is a way forward for us - one that doesn't involve my lying to myself that everything is fine, or cutting myself off from my love.
I wish you the very best. I never dreamed this could happen to me, and it did. I'm rooting for you and wish you well. :-)
Most recent customer reviews
The book I had borrowed from a friend was nicer but still ok