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Stop Negotiating with Your Teen: Strategies for Parenting your Angry Manipulative Moody or Depressed Adolescent Paperback – August 6, 2002

4.2 out of 5 stars 53 customer reviews

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Parenting in a complicated world
Strategies to help you be the best parent you can be. See more
$12.84 FREE Shipping on orders with at least $25 of books. Only 15 left in stock (more on the way). Ships from and sold by Amazon.com. Gift-wrap available.
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Editorial Reviews

About the Author


Dr. Janet Sasson Edgette is a psychologist practicing in Exton, Pennsylvania who, for the past twenty-five years, has specialized in providing services for children, teenagers, young adults, and their parents. She also specializes in providing sport and performance psychology enhancement services to athletes and performing artists. Janet is the author of six books on parenting, counseling, and sport psychology, including the popular parenting paperback, Stop Negotiating with Your Teen: Strategies for Parenting Your Angry, Manipulative, Moody, or Depressed Adolescent, and her critically acclaimed book for mental health professionals entitled, Adolescent Therapy That Works: Helping Kids Who Never Asked for Help in the First Place. Her most recent book is called The Last Boys Picked: Helping Boys Who Don't Play Sports Survive Bullying and Boyhood

Janet's work in the areas of child, preteen, and adolescent therapy, family counseling, and parent effectiveness has put her in great demand as a therapist, speaker, workshop leader, and consultant to schools and mental health agencies. She has conducted professional workshops and educational programs for psychiatrists, psychologists, school counselors, social workers, therapists, probation officers, caseworkers, school administrators, teachers, parents, and foster parents all around the United States as well as in Canada, Mexico, Russia, Croatia, and Germany.

Janet is the mother of three teenager boys herself. She also is an avid horseback rider, having competed in the show jumping divisions in almost every major horse show along the east coast. For the past six summers, Janet has returned to what she calls her favorite place on earth--Camp Forest and Indian Acres in Fryeburg, Maine--where she spent her childhood summers and nows makes herself available as a consultant. Please visit her website, janetedgette.com, for more information and to view her blog and speaking calendar.
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 177 pages
  • Publisher: TarcherPerigee; 1 edition (August 6, 2002)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0399527893
  • ISBN-13: 978-0399527890
  • Product Dimensions: 5.1 x 0.5 x 8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 5.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (53 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #113,626 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Paperback
If you are looking at this book, my heart goes out to you. This book doeesn't offer much in the way of a guideline, although has some nice stories that will make you feel like you're not going crazy. My real advice to you, after years of counseling, books, and true anguish of a mother, is to keep it simple. If your teen is depressed or struggling, they are not ready to respond to adult logic or reasoning. (That is why you are arguing all the time!) They need your love and compassion, but they also need consistency and consequences commensurate with their choices of actions. Pick your "must have's"...for example, must have no surliness at dinner? (That's reasonable! Especially if you have younger kids!) Surly at dinner? No cell phone or IM-ing for the rest of the evening. Don't tell them "why", or give them the platitude of "we're trying to love you, to show you, to blah blah blah"...they TRULY DON'T CARE why. Instead, make a list of choices, and their consequences...and then consistently apply them without arguing (by the way, there is no answer to "why are you doing this to me?")...end the tears, arguments and discussions. Keep it simple...your teen has enough mind games, uncertainty, pressure, frustration and communication issues at school. You should be the place where they know how it will end up, which is support, love, conveniences of home, and they also know how their choices will affect those rewards! And finally, don't blame yourself. Your teens depression and angst is a result of much, much more than the decisions you made in the past. It is what it is, and give them consistency, no arguing, and love to get through what the present is, not the past. My prayers to you and your family.
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Format: Paperback
I wrote this review for a college Psychology course.
Edgette is a clinical psychologist who offers advice to parents whose parenting style can best be described as permissive or indulgent. In one way or another, these parents try "negotiating" with their teen when the child misbehaves, and thereby losing their authority and credibility. As a result, the relationship between parent and child worsens via a cycle of argument and mistrust. The parents want to grant freedom to their adolescent, but do not balance that with accountability. By letting their child get away with minor infractions, the pattern of misbehavior builds: the teen feels "independent" and refuses to listen to further attempts of the parents at discipline; the parents feel frustrated in having an uncontrollable teen, and give up control altogether.
Many parents abdicate their responsibility to enforce consequences when their child misbehaves because they want to avoid conflict and hope the teen will grow out of this phase. In particular, many seem to subscribe to the sociocultural myth that teens are prone to mood swings due to "hormones run amok", and "can't help being moody and should be excused for it". Edgette points out that these "bad moods" typically blow over, and parents' acceptance of rude behavior to avoid conflict simply leads to loss of authority and greater conflicts. Another myth is that teens need "free rein" to learn autonomy. She reminds us that giving "free rein" is easy, but it should be balanced with direction and accountability so kids learn not just how to make decisions, but how to make good decisions. A final myth is that teens "don't like talking with their parents about serious issues and concerns".
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Format: Paperback
On the advice of my best friend (to whom I have confided my child-rearing problems for over 25 years) I bought the book - Stop Negotiating With Your Teen:Strategies for Parenting Your Angry, Manipulative, Moody or Depressed Adolescent. I did so because my teen/adult son (age 20) is all of the above. I really liked the author's writing style. She mixed real-life cases with some clear cut behavior advice as well as behavior styles the teen may use. Boy, was I surprised to learn that my son was manipulating me and that I was letting him. It was a big eye-opener for me. I heavily relied on parts of the book that I read and re-read that really applied to our situation. Each time we had an encounter I could then more clearly draw upon the author's experience and the behaviors she wanted to encourage - both my son's and mine. I can tell you it has made a difference. A particularly nasty exchange that would have left me totally defeated was instead turned into a real chance for communication because of what I learned in this book. I would highly recommend this to anyone regardless of the age or managability of your teen. I have already loaned the book to a good friend who has a teenage daughter with an anger problem and she found it so valuable. A very good resource!
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Format: Paperback
This may be the most sensible, wise, clear and reader friendly book about parenting adolescents that I have read. Clearly the author not only cares about kids, but also knows how to help parents get untangled from the conflict and confusion of trying to understand and guide today's teens. Written with genuineness and humor, I can't imagine any parent not finding themselves between the pages, laughing and learning and coming out with more clarity and a saner family life! I work in a school district and we have included multiple copies for our parent resource library -- an invaluable addition.
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