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The Surrender: An Erotic Memoir Paperback – September 27, 2005

by Toni Bentley (Author)

92 customer reviews

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Few women do it and even fewer will admit to it. But in Toni Bentley's daring and intimate memoir, The Surrender, she pulls the sheets back on an erotic experience that's been forbidden since the Bible and celebrates "the joy that lies on the other side of convention, where risk is real and rapture resides." From Story of O to The Kiss to The Sexual Life of Catherine M., readers have been enthralled with sexually subversive memoirs by women. But even those erotic classics didn't navigate the psychosexual terrain that Bentley does when she meets a lover who introduces her to a radical and unexpected pleasure, to the "holy" act that she came to see as her awakening.

The Surrender is a witty, intelligent, and eloquent exploration of one woman's obsession that will be sure to leave readers questioning their own desires.

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Editorial Reviews

Review

“Brave.” (—New York Times Book Review)

“Plucky.” (—The New York Observer)

“Wonderfully smart and sexy and witty and moving.” (—Publishers Weekly starred review)

“A small masterpiece of erotic writing.” (—Leon Wieseltier)

“Revealing and witty.” (—Time Out New York)

“Stylish and amusing.” (—Entertainment Weekly)

About the Author

Toni Bentley danced with George Balanchine's New York City Ballet for ten years. She is the author of Winter Season: A Dancer's Journal, Holding On to the Air: An Autobiography (by Suzanne Farrell with Toni Bentley), Costumes by Karin-ska and Sisters of Salome, all of which were New York Times Notable Books. She has written articles for numerous publications including the New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Allure, and Rolling Stone.

Product details

Paperback: 224 pages
Publisher: Ecco; Reprint edition (September 27, 2005)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0060732474
ISBN-13: 978-0060732479
Product Dimensions: 6 x 0.6 x 8 inches
Shipping Weight: 7.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review: 92 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #245,573 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #96 in Books > Biographies & Memoirs > Arts & Literature > Dancers
- #558 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Sexual Health > General
- #1037 in Books > Self-Help > Sex

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January 25, 2014

Format: Kindle EditionVerified Purchase

Reading the NYT I saw this was now an off Broadway play. Quick Amazon research put me at her book, the basis for the play. This is not my typical book and will be better read by females. Although I suspect more adventurous females will enjoy it more and there will be some repulsed and not finish the book.

The book itself is a very sincere memoir of sexual exploration. I would have preferred she not spend a couple of chapters on the research and stayed with the story. But, irrespective, this is fascinating and groundbreaking. I also believe due to the subject matter she will not get credit for her exceptional prose, very romantic and very descriptive. This taboo subject matter will not interest many. But those that spend the time will learn a new world to explore. And, through this interesting subject she has garnered attention in book form and now a play that has played in Europe and now off Broadway NYC. I do recommend this book but encourage to purchasing to read reviews here and know what to expect.

4 people found this helpful5 people found this helpful

... her life as a dancer was so much more beautiful. It was sheer poetry while this one is ...

August 10, 2016

Format: Kindle EditionVerified Purchase

Toni Bentley's earlier book on her life as a dancer was so much more beautiful.
It was sheer poetry while this one is sheer pornography. Not bad if you are into that stuff.
Underneath though, her sex life comes off as someone who is a little bit neurotic. Sex is great and the
way she dedicates herself to it is very noble (like a dancer who moves from an obsession of dance to an
obsession of sex), sort of like replacing one religion for another. I can't say I didn't enjoy reading the book,
(like Fifty Shades of Grey) but from a female point of view, but there is a dark, underlying tone to it of
sadness or desperation.

6 people found this helpful7 people found this helpful

Power, Freedom, Paradise

January 16, 2012

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

The Surrender may be an "erotic memoir" with some steamy sex, but it is much, much deeper than that.

Toni Bentley, the author, intentionally titillates, but gradually leads us to very profound discoveries. This book is at times spiritual, moving, and discusses all of life, through the prism of a taboo sexual act.

For readers with open hearts, possessing a "beginners mind" when it comes to the connection between sexuality and the rest of life, this book will be transcendent. It is hard to imagine for most the levels of emotional and spiritual awakening this type of sexual intimacy can trigger.

On another level, this book is the best "how-to" book I've ever read for men to understand how to live for greatness, to truly move a woman. For example she writes:

"Most men will lick and suck and drink a p---y - and I'm not complaining. But it is the rare man who does so with his whole consciousness poised on his tongue. It is this awareness that will move a woman; when her consciousness - on her clit- encounters his, orgasm marks their meeting. Ultimately, it is here- or rather, down there - that am man will learn how to be a winner or a loser, with women as in life."

This is also something most men probably don't begin to comprehend:

"If a man can possess a woman sexually - really possess - he won't need to control her ideas, her opinions, her clothes, her friends, even her other lovers. He f--ks my a-- for hours with a d--k an inch too big for the job: that is possession. After a round like that he doesn't need to infiltrate my life, my psyche, my time, or my wardrobe, because he has infiltrated the core of my being - the rest is just peripheral decoration. Domination - total and complete domination of my being - that is where I find freedom."

There is more and more here for men to take note of:

"I had admired that - he was not going to compromise himself for p---y, like so many men do. And I didn't want to compromise a man with my p---y, I wanted a man to be true to himself... while desperately wanting my p---y."

She explores and explains so elegantly how submission can actually be empowering:

"As I learned how to stay in the bliss, I found something else. I have become a pure vehicle for (him), no resistance. I can relinquish all power. I never knew how much power I had until I gave it all to him through my a--. My final one coincides with my ability to commit to complete submission, to remain completely open without reserve, without limit. No choice but surrender is surrender. I am his entirely, body, soul, and a--hole. I relish my freedom."

After all the erotically charged chapters, and all the life lessons, she ends on an upbeat note, with her own take on what sexuality is really all about:

"I believe the equation goes like this: sex can only be truly deep, truly life changing, truly transcendent if you are being f----d by God; if you love your man like he was God. I have been to the precipice. I looked over, and fell off the ledge. If you don't f--k with death chasing you, you are mistaken. So long as love, crazy, crazy love, can be survived, there is no excuse. No excuse at all. Slowly, resentfully, I have moved out of slavery, though I cannot forget its freedom."

12 people found this helpful13 people found this helpful

November 20, 2010

Format: Kindle EditionVerified Purchase

This is a nicely written book by an intelligent woman who has decided to share her personal sexual preference with you in a most civilized narrative. Her exploration of this rather taboo topic is almost charming, and her style is one that utilizes an almost forgotten literary device: aesthetic distance. The subject is dealt with as a coping mechanism for the author to deal with a troubled past and create a real intimacy that, though difficult for many to accept, brings her some happiness and understanding.

This isn't porn by any means; you won't want to take a shower after reading Ms. Bentley's book. You will more likely feel that you have read notes from the analysts couch.

One person found this helpful

A backward glance at life.

January 15, 2006

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

I just finished Toni Bentley's delightful backward glance at an emotional part of her life and I am trying to digest all that she gave me to read. I have only read a little about this, I think, controversial book but I feel that these earlier reviews have focused too much on the anatomical elements of this memoir and not enough on the psychological elements of Bentley's story. Sure-the physical sex details are fascinating, however, the last sections where Toni must confront the same emotions, dressed differently, as the rest of us-that was the substance of the book that I will remember the most.

I think Toni Bentley is an excellent writer. I enjoyed reading her prose and I particularly loved her section (chapter?) endings where her prose mimics a sentence with an abrupt aside needing a dash for punctuation. Her journey was explained as no other writer that I have encountered has written and I felt nervous early on that all was not going to end as she wished. That ending, however, was not as tumultuous as I thought-she was wise to settle in such soft surroundings and that I felt was an example, if anyone needed it, that this was a person rocked by the waves of emotion but still firmly in control.

4 people found this helpful5 people found this helpful

D. Gordon-Brown

June 30, 2015

Format: Kindle EditionVerified Purchase

So beautifully and honestly written, this memoir of a journey into the overwhelming experience of sodomy sings with its joys and weeps with the memories of its addictive highs. it takes us into forbidden experiences, caresses us there and then wisely and tenderly lets us go,

2 people found this helpful3 people found this helpful

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