- Paperback: 304 pages
- Publisher: Touchstone (May 9, 2002)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 0743217896
- ISBN-13: 978-0743217897
- Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.9 x 8.4 inches
- Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
- Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars See all reviews (80 customer reviews)
- Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #110,878 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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The Surrendered Single: A Practical Guide to Attracting and Marrying the Man Who's Right for You Paperback – May 9, 2002
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Cast your fears aside, ladies: in this case, "surrendered" doesn't mean "doormat"--which is not to say that The Surrendered Single might not raise a few eyebrows. Laura Doyle (The Surrendered Wife) has some pretty insistent basics for women on the dating circuit that may not always sit well with modern feminists. Don't ask him out? Throw out your mental checklist of what you want from a mate? Smile openly at every man you pass on the street? Expect that he'll pay for dinner?
Yep. And according to those who have already surrendered, this old-school stuff works. The book is easy to read; entertaining dating stories are mixed with lots of bullet-pointed lists focused on self-esteem ("good self care is attractive") and myth debunking ("no one respects flirtatious women") that range from truly helpful to slightly simplistic.
Following Doyle's techniques may require a fair amount of modification on your part, but her ideas are aimed at opening yourself up to a loving, stable relationship, rather than simply angling for that ring on your finger from whatever deer you've caught in your matrimonial headlights. If you think it's time to implement some changes in your dating routine, you may find just what you need by "surrendering." --Jill Lightner
From Publishers Weekly
Controversial author Laura Doyle (The Surrendered Wife) turns her attention to singletons in The Surrendered Single: A Practical Guide to Attracting and Marrying the Man Who's Right for You. Doyle claims that since the perfect man does not exist, women need to settle. In 27 succinct chapters, she explains how to find intimacy with a man by letting go of inhibitions about the way things are "supposed" to happen. Although many will perceive Doyle's approach as extreme and overly submissive, some of her tips are effective, e.g., "treat yourself as well as you want a man to treat you" and "every romance starts with a smile."
Copyright 2002 Cahners Business Information, Inc.
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Top Customer Reviews
I first bought this book when I was in my late 20sl. I had never been in a relationship prior to that point. I considered myself "average" or slightly below on the appearance scale. My self esteem was about a 3/10. I constantly compared myself to women who were in relationships with men that I wished I could be with. I always felt that I never measured up. I felt like I wasn't outgoing or entertaining enough in the social setting. I also felt like other ladies more endowed than me had an easier time attracting men. Because of this, I my mentality and approach to dating was hoping I would be lucky enough to find a man who would "look beyond my flaws" or "understand why I was the way I was".
This ladies, Laura Doyle taught me, is so wrong. And if this is your mentality, this will not help you find a man.
The first chapter talks about smiling to every man you meet. She then deconstructs why we as women are terrified to do this. The reason she goes on to explain is that we are afraid of what will happen next. What if they start talking to me, then what will I say? What if he's a married man and he thinks I'm trying to flirt? We essentially give up our control of that situation when we smile to a stranger.
I started doing this and was amazed at how it started changing me. Many guys, (even cute ones!) would smile back. I would muse to myself "wow, and I'm not even looking my best today". The world started becoming a friendlier place to me. And as a result I started becoming happier. My self esteem ticked up.
The rest of the book explores areas in our lives we were hold tight control and how this precludes developing intimate relationships. For example, when a man asks you out for dinner, do you feel you have to know all the details about where you are going? I did because I wanted to dress appropriately, look up the restaurant reviews, maybe give my opinion if the food didn't look so good. And this is how we seek to control the entire date in our mind before it happens. We try to plan for all scenarios and guess what? It leads you to be uptight, and your date will never see that you are full of life and spontaneity.
After actively applying these principles, my self esteem skyrocketed. I truly loved myself and wanted to share the joy of life with others. I no longer felt like a man would have to "look beyond my flaws" or "understand why I was the way I was". I no longer worried about running out of things to talk about on a date.
I am glad I learned these things prior to meeting my fiancee. Had the same circumstances under which we met, happened before i read this book, I can say with 98% certainty we would not be together today.
I'm so much happier in general and in my relationship. I thought I was happy before and had it "all right" and he was the reason for ant problems. This book helped me take ownership of my life and happiness and as I relinquished control, became more feminine, suddenly he started doing all of the things he did when we were first dating again. Really powerful, really insightful. As another review for her new book said, "Stop everything you're doing and read this book!" : )