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The Tactical Guide to Women: How Men Can Manage Risk in Dating and Marriage Paperback – September 1, 2017
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"Lots of great gems for men here: about understanding (and improving) their own dating patterns, about how to screen potential partners for likely trouble and how to be happy in a relationship. Dr. Smith knows what he's talking about, using a wide range of helpful case examples--of failure and success--in this very encouraging book."
--Bill Eddy, lead author of Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality and co-author of Dating Radar
- Item Weight : 10.7 ounces
- Paperback : 236 pages
- ISBN-10 : 0990686442
- Product Dimensions : 5.5 x 0.54 x 8.5 inches
- ISBN-13 : 978-0990686446
- Publisher : Mesa Press (September 1, 2017)
- Language: : English
- Best Sellers Rank: #43,966 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- Customer Reviews:
Top reviews from the United States
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I particularly value the book for its pro-male, pro-female stance. Smith is able to discuss important risks of dating and marriage for men - diastrously asymmetric legal outcomes in divorce; inaccurate societal assumptions about domestic violence - from a positive, relationship-affirming point of view. He takes on these inequities and toxic feminist worldviews without the angry, bitter, misogynist tack typical of the Men's Rights Activist or Red Pill communities. Smith makes it clear that unabashed masculinity is something healthy heterosexual women seek and cherish in men; this message is lost in more "politically correct" self-help books, to the detriment of men misled into trying to auto-feminize their way to success in love.
Unfortunately I didn't find the core of this book - Smith's concept of a "bright triad" of clarity, maturity, and stability in high quality women - to be particularly convincing. I found the material to be a mishmash of general relationship skills and some gee-whiz material on women suffering from mental illness, addiction, or personality disorders. Maybe better editing would have made this categorization of traits more clear. (At a lower level, the copyediting in the book is not great. Duplicated sentences, missing words, and extra words are frequent.) But I fear that the concept itself may just not be that strong. On the topic of general relationship skills, I found Gottman and Silver's _The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work_ to be more cogently organized and a wonderful read for men and women alike.
My own interest in this book stemmed from my relationship history - getting ready to return to dating after two relationships in a row where I poured energy into fine young women who coolly resisted commitment. I came away disappointed. Before buying this, I read Robert Glover's _No More Mr Nice Guy_. It was revelatory to the point of being devastating in unpacking my own contribution to these failures. Glover does not say much on how to pick women well, so I wanted to know Smith's take on selecting for women with an appetite for commitment. Smith has nothing to say on the matter, and in fact, I struggle to pin down where these ex-girlfriends go wrong on his bright triad rubric. Furthermore, I was hoping for advice on gleaning information about compatibility on a few-date "tactical" timescale. Smith suggests waiting a year beyond the initial 12-18 month honeymoon period to emotionally evaluate a prospective partner before making hard-to-reverse commitments. I was disappointed to read that, as 2.5 year heartbreaking roads to nowhere are exactly what I'm looking to head off at the time of writing. A couple more of those and I'll be squarely middle-aged and never-married. If your past resembles mine - a history of failing to find commitment rather than jumping into it with disastrous partners - I enthusiastically recommend Glover. Glover at least pushes the reader to be a "good ender," e.g. to break up quickly and decisively when there seems to be a poor fit. That advice is far more tactical than anything here.
All told, this book is not bad, but I feel it does not live up to its promise.
Bought it for my son and hope he reads it. Wish I'd read this when I was his age (22), but useful also to a single man at any age. Never too late to learn the lessons in this book.
Couldn't recommend more for young men as well, I'm 22 and I got this for hearing horror stories on marriage. Also, despite a few grammatical errors it's concise and flows well. Making it both easy to digest and quick to read, which I mean in a great way.
Top reviews from other countries
Nope. It's MUCH better than that. (Nothing wrong with the former kind of book -- both sides need such guides in the War Between the Sexes.) This book shows men how to avoid getting into entangling, damaging relationships with the wrong kind of woman, and how to have a lasting relationship -- i.e. a stable marriage -- with the right kind. (And of course I'm over-simplifying if it appears that I am saying, or the author is saying, that there are only two kinds of women.) Both kinds of advice are valuable: if you're already married, Dr Smith gives you good advice on how to avoid being a male jerk. (He also has written things for couples, and for women.)
He's clearly had a lot of clinical experience, and the book has many examples from his practice. A great book for someone about to enter the War mentioned above. Wish I'd read such a book sixty years ago.
The book is highlights the important of masculinity and the need for men to embrace that part of themselves to make relationships truly work.
I highly recommend for people interested in intergender dynamics and relationships
There's no point in telling thousands of stories about other couples, this is not an objective book, and the writer doesn't go straight to the point.
If you are a male reader interested in reading something that will lead you to higher improvement, don't buy this book, go buy Rollo Tomassi's books, that's a much better deal.
and then again
and then go back and read it again
and then keep checking it as a reference guide each time you want to analyze a specific encounter with a woman.
ignore this advice if you want to bankrupt your life.