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Talk to Me Like I'm Someone You Love: Relationship Repair in a Flash

4.3 out of 5 stars 38 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Nancy Dreyfus, Psy.D. is a seasoned psychotherapist and couples therapist. She holds a doctorate degree from Hahnemann University Medical School. She lives in the Philadelphia area.

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Product Details

  • Spiral-bound: 304 pages
  • Publisher: Tarcher; Spi edition (December 24, 2009)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1585427705
  • ISBN-13: 978-1585427703
  • Product Dimensions: 7 x 1 x 7.7 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1 pounds
  • Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (38 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #948,232 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Spiral-bound Verified Purchase
How many times have you heard yourself or someone you know mention that they would die to be in therapy IF only they had the money, their partner would agree to it, they could find someone really good or any other laundry list of excuses? Well, at the risk of sounding hyperbolic, I am going to go ahead and announce that "Talk to Me Like I'm Someone You Love" is the answer to your prayers.

Dr. Dreyfus offers invaluable lessons that are both insightful and applicable in this book. The premise of "relationship repair in a flash" involves asking the reader to imagine the all-too-familiar moment during a tense conversation or argument with a partner that quickly becomes an emotional downward spiral. Just when you feel as though you've successfully made it to the point of no return, or the point where each of you exhibits your chronic emotionally unhealthy pattern, Dreyfus suggests a way to pause and redirect yourselves back from "conflict to connection." How do we do this? Flashcards! By removing the emotional charge that is carried by voice intonation or body language, Dreyfus finds that the mere act of reading a written message in the midst of such tension is surprisingly powerful. Dividing these moments into nine sections, there are a total of 101 flashcard ideas (she also explains how to come up with your own), each with an incredibly evolved explanation of the psychology behind the message for both the "Sender" and "Receiver" of the card.

So, for example, let's take a look at my current favorite card. "Rather than just criticize me, can you tell me what you want in a more positive way?
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Format: Spiral-bound
How often have you wished you said the right words in the right situation at the right time? Someday we may all be so evolved that we won't need any help communicating with the people we love the most. Until then, we are fortunate to have gifted couples psychotherapist Nancy Dreyfus, PsyD. to guide us!

The genius of what Dr. Dreyfus does in Talk to Me Like I'm Someone You Love, is include user-friendly flashcards. These words and sentences serve as a spoke in a wheel when an argument or misunderstanding is descending down that familiar path of no return.

I love books that provide information that I can immediately apply. Talk to Me is organized into sections: Shifting Gears, Setting Limits, Feeling Vulnerable, Taking Responsibility, Giving Information, Getting Clarification, Apologizing, Loving and Making Up. Multiple flashcards within each of these sections along with suggestions and examples of their use, give you the tools to redirect any argument from conflict to connection.

Some of my favorite flashcards are the following. Just imagine how many arguments would be nipped if you said (or heard) these words! I feel like a total and complete idiot. (from Feeling Vulnerable), I was making a bid deal out of something that just isn't that important. I want to let it go. (from Shifting Gears) and I'm sorry that I've been acting as if everything's all your fault. (from Apologizing).

No wonder Utne Reader chose an earlier version of Dreyfus' book to feature in a cover story: 24 Brainstorms for the Planet.

The author says this book is for the clued-in and for the clueless--making the excellent point that in intimate relationship even the most conscious of us become clueless when triggered by a loved one.
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Format: Spiral-bound
Talk To Me Like I'm Like I'm Someone You Love: Relationship Repair In A Flash
Nancy Dreyfus, Psy.D

by Edie Weinstein, MSW, LSW

What if you had at the ready, a portable tool that could succintly express in writing what you might not be able to say verbally and could have a powerful healing impact on any relationship? In the midst of a heated discussion with a loved one, there are times when we are not at our most eloquent and words slip out that in calmer moments would not escape our lips. Psychotherapist and wordsmith, Nancy Dreyfus, Psy. D has compiled such a guide to healthy interactions, brilliantly entitled: Talk To Me Like I'm Someone You Love: Relationship Repair In A Flash. Having said that, please note that by purchasing this book or giving it to someone in your life, it in no way indicates that the relationship is on the rocks. It has preventive power as well. Just knowing that it is present could have a reassuring effect. Talk To Me Like I'm Someone You Love would make a great wedding or anniversary gift as well as an everyday portable relationship tool.

As a Licensed Social Worker, I have used the ideas from the book in therapeutic sessions with clients and have found them wonderfully successful in calming even the angriest couples. I also incorporate the concepts in my personal interactions and marvel at the results.

The book was born when in a session with a couple, Dreyfus found herself experiencing a sense of counter-transference. It began to feel like she was re-living the dynamics of her family of origin. In a flash, she scribbled the 8 words that became the book's primary title, handed it to the man and whispered for him to hold it up to his wife who, at that moment, was berating him.
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