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How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7 (The How To Talk Series) Hardcover – Illustrated, January 10, 2017
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"This helpful gem of a book guides parents and other caregivers to tune in to the internal worlds of young children to allow their minds to be seen and respected. With practical suggestions and useful illustrations, the authors clearly convey these important steps to guiding our children's development. Cultivating such mindsight for our youth is essential to creating a kinder and more resilient next generation."--Daniel J. Siegel, M.D. Author, Mind: A Journey to the Heart of Being Human and Executive Director, Mindsight Institute
"Faber and King have done the impossible! This guide to how to talk so little kids will listen is BRILLIANT. Every parent needs to read this book because it teaches skills that are solidly based on research. The book is magnificent."--John Gottman, author of Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child
“Relatable and authentic… [Faber’s and King’s] creative ideas will help parents feel they are not alone in dealing with little runaways, arguments over tooth brushing, tattling, and numerous child-rearing dilemmas.’”--Publishers Weekly
"Wonderful...reader-friendly [and] a truly indispensable book for parents and for anyone else who interacts with young children.”--Work and Family Life
"Experienced parent educators Faber and King...share tips and stories for coping with sticky little-kid-related problems...
parents looking for peace, harmony, and cooperation will find a wealth of options in this guide."--Booklist
“[Faber & King] pick up where esteemed mom Adele Faber (How To Talk So Kids Will Listen) left off… Faber zeroes in on the most common (and irritating) things and tactics little ones employ, and provides caregivers with a clear and supportive path to holding their own. … The ‘How To Talk’ books are treasures to read. All libraries should acquire and recommend with gusto.”--Library Journal
About the Author
Julie King has been educating and supporting parents since 1995. In addition to her work with individual parents and couples, she has led workshops for numerous schools, nonprofits, and parent groups. Julie received her AB from Princeton University and a JD from Yale Law School. She lives in the San Francisco Bay Area and is the mother of three.
- Item Weight : 1.1 pounds
- Hardcover : 432 pages
- ISBN-10 : 1501131656
- ISBN-13 : 978-1501131653
- Publisher : Scribner; Illustrated Edition (January 10, 2017)
- Product Dimensions : 5.5 x 1.3 x 8.38 inches
- Language: : English
- Best Sellers Rank: #383,402 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- Customer Reviews:
Top reviews from the United States
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1. Lots of creative ways and examples to engage with your young kids when they are misbehaving or when you need to talk to them about their feelings.
1. Soooo much talking. Talking talking talking. These are young kids. At some point during your oral thesis “Why We Don’t Hit Our Sister,” your child will stop listening and their eyes will roll back into their heads, or worse, they’ll argue with you or have a tantrum. Is there a time and place for long talks about feelings? Of course. But it’s not when your son has just smacked his sister.
2. On that note—I really tried to get behind the “no punishment” philosophy because I don’t LIKE punishing my kids. I don’t enjoy it. I hate it. But, using the previous example, if my child, who is old enough to know better, and has been told not to before, is violent—I’m going to be honest here—I have very little desire to coddle him with a “oh, are you feeling frustrated, honey?” conversation. There are some naturally well behaved children who will not require punishment and will feel bad just having upset someone. There are others who will take advantage and continue the behavior until action is taken. Children are not little adults. Psychologically speaking they don’t yet have the ability to reason. They respond to consequences. I don’t believe I’m going to scar my child for life with a few minutes of time out or having a toy taken away temporarily. I don’t like overdoing these punishments and only do them for serious bad behavior. But they have their place.
3. The authors argue that acknowledging a child’s feelings has great effect and sometimes that alone can ease a tantrum. I believe this to be true...sometimes. I think they overstate their case. I go back to what I said before—children are not little adults. As an adult I feel much better when someone acknowledges my feelings. I find this to be less effective with children, who have less ability to reason, practice empathy, and regulate their emotions. Often kids just want what they want and don’t care about anything else. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing—it’s a normal developmental stage. But it makes some of the authors’ strategies less helpful.
4. I really liked some of the authors’ strategies. But they are time consuming and require constant spontaneous creativity and variety. It’s a lot to ask.
There’s a lot of good stuff in this book, but overall I think it expects too much of kids, and sometimes of their parents.
How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen is full of great, doable advice that is general enough for any situation, but with specific examples so that you know exactly what the authors are trying to explain. The real-life examples could easily have come from my family. For example, the child who wants something that fell into a crack in his car seat and it is inaccessible to him and to me, the driver. Joanna and Julie give great advice on how to respond to difficult situations with little kids that could easily cause a major meltdown.
For example, when the thing falls into the crack in the car seat and I can’t reach it, in the past my child would start yelling and screaming and then move into a full-on tantrum. I always felt that I had two choices:
1: I could pull over and stop, get out of the car, open the door where his car seat is, and retrieve the thing. That would stop the tantrum before it starts, but it would teach him that he is welcome to have his way whenever he threatens me with a tantrum.
Or, 2: I could not get the thing, tell him to live with it for the 10 minutes (or whatever) until we get to where we are going. That response would surely invite crying escalating, into a full-on, inconsolable tantrum as the ride went on. I would have to listen to the screaming for the whole ride and then deal with it when we got to where we are going.
Julie and Joanna suggest a great third response: agree with my child that the thing is really important. Tell him that I wish I could reach the car seat to retrieve it. Then really get dramatic with it: talk about having a button on the dashboard that I could just push and a hundred of those things would magically appear! And then ask what we could do with a hundred of those things, until my child is so caught up in the fantasy that he has forgotten how much he wants the thing and we get to where we are going safe, sound, and happy. I’ve actually had to do this a number of times since reading the book. My child’s response still amazes me every time!
It sounds like magic, but it’s not. It is a way of listening to your child and validating his/her experience. How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen gives lots of ideas, stories and examples of how to do this in any number of difficult situations. I do want to be clear, this isn’t magic, and sometimes even the best skills don’t produce sunny results. But more often than not, as a result of the skills I was able to pick up from this book, I can at least head off tantrums and other bad behavior before it starts, even if my child isn’t all smiles.
Now I am a nanny of a toddler, 2 1/2 years old, and a baby, Nine months old. This book has helped me to avoid the frequent arguments, meltdowns, jealousy, and throwing incidents that constantly occur with the 2 1/2 yr old.
I was delighted when I learned that the authors are the daughters of the first book’s authors!! They have done an incredible job!! A must have book for every Nanny, Mom, Dad, Grandma & Grandpa!!!
How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen gives you lots of simple techniques for communicating with your little kid, whether you’re trying to get them to do something, get them not to do something, or just get along. It is full of real world examples that the authors have culled from the classes they’ve done throughout the years, which I found really helpful. It turns out, your kid probably isn’t unique — there are plenty of others out there doing the same things they are doing. One thing I especially liked is that they summarize each chapter into bullet points at the end. Something you could easily print out and tape to your fridge for reference.
So if you too are living with a tiny terrorist, give this book a shot! All you parents out there are doing a good job.
Also, age four is SO MUCH BETTER.
Top reviews from other countries
I’ve noticed less tantrums - child and parent - and reduced need to repeat or escalate the same message. I wish I’d had this book before now but I’m making up for lost time. A little improvement in understanding situations goes a very long way to make life more peaceful.
I highly recommend it.