Three Keys to Taming your Gremlin
1. Simply notice.
• Show up, relax and gently pay attention.
• I free myself not by trying to be free, but by simply noticing how I am imprisoning myself in the very moment I am imprisoning myself.
• Simply notice the natural order of things.
• Work with it rather than against it. For to try to change what is only sets up resistance.
• Simply notice how you are—not why you are how you are, but how you are.
• Awareness is a tool - you can choose to focus your awareness on any one of three realms:
o Your Body
o The World Around You
o The World of Mind
2. Choose and play with options.
• Breathe and fully experience
o If you take the time to relax and simply notice what you are feeling, reminding yourself that you do not have to do anything with your emotions and that emotions are not dangerous, you will experience a sense of relaxed power.
o This sense has been described many ways, including feeling self-actualized, integrated, whole, happy, loving, centered, in the zone, high, good, and hunky-dory.
• Change for a change
o On occasion, you might make decisions/experiment in ways that are totally out of character for you. Play. Fool around.
o If you tend to be timid when complimented, next time someone so much as implies it’s good to know you, deeply breathe, enjoy the moment, say, “That feels good! Tell me more.”
o If tempted to suppress anger, consider honestly describing your current experience - try out these statements:
“There is something that I want to say to you, but I’m afraid that you will throw a fit. Are you willing to hear me out?”
“I’m angry with you. What is also true is that I respect you and value our relationship.”
“You’re important to me and I want us to remain friends, and there are some things you’re doing that are driving me nuts.”
“I’m hesitant to talk with you about a certain sensitive issue, but I don’t like feeling what I’m feeling and would like to clear the air. Are you open to a frank discussion?”
“I’d like you to hear all of what I am about to say to you and really consider it before you respond.”
“I want to really listen to you and I want you to listen to me.”
“This may be a tough conversation for us because my tendency may be to talk ugly and yours may be to give me that sneer of yours. As we have this conversation, let’s make an effort to treat each other with love and respect.”
• Accent the obvious
o The brighter the light you shine on old fears, outdated ideas, and cumbersome habits, the better you can detect the absurdity in them. Gestalt Therapy.
• Just imagine it
o Listening to your gremlin feels a helluva lot worse than affirmative self-talk. And it’s a damn sight worse for you. Shattering old concepts and replacing them with affirmative inner talk and images toward the goal of sweetening your very own life not only feels good, but is good for you. Used in conjunction with common sense and planning and doing, it can make for a noble transformation.
• Revisit and re-decide
o Stay conscious of what part you want the characteristic to play in your life.
o Simply notice the characteristic as it pops up in your own personality.
o Be at choice and play with options.
• Center yourself, remembering that special place behind your heart and making use of your “I’m taming my gremlin” mantra.
3. Be in Process.
• See your Gremlin-Taming™ as an ongoing adventure that will be forever in process
Four simple questions to diagnose fear:
• What’s so?
o Separate what you know with absolute certainty from what you imagine.
• So what?
o Notice your catastrophic expectation.
• So what?
o If your catastrophic expectation comes true, what’s the worst that will happen?
o Get to your bottom-line fear, which will always have something to do with severe pain, abandonment, or death.
• What now?
o The options are infinite.
The Basics of Pleasure
1. Make being centered and feeling good a top priority.
2. Remember that doing so is primarily an inside job.
3. Remember where you end and all else begins—that miraculous sheath known as your skin.
4. Breathe, dammit, breathe.
5. Relax your pact to keep your act intact.
6. Establish the here and now as home base from which you consciously direct your spotlight of awareness.
Other Tidbits:
The soul cannot rest so long as the identity denies it.
Anxiety is the gap between now and then.
Entering a potentially risky conversation:
• “I have an idea I want to share with you and I’m not sure how open you would be to my suggestion. Would you like to hear it?”
• “I have an idea I’m considering sharing with you. When and how would be the best way to do that?”
• “I have an idea I’d like to share with you and get your thoughts on. It needs some refinement. I think it might benefit the company in the long run if you will apply your expertise to it.”
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