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Max W. Valerio

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The Testosterone Files: My Hormonal and Social Transformation from Female to Male Paperback – May 4, 2006

by Max Wolf Valerio (Author)

4.4 48 ratings

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Max Wolf Valerio crafts a raw, gripping, and poetic account of life before, during, and after injecting testosterone. Valerio's detailed observations about a lesbian transitioning from female to a heterosexual male highlights the physical and emotional differences between women and men, and alternately challenges and confirms readers' assumptions about gender.

Valerio presents his story in three parts: the height of his transition, in which he witnesses his own increased energy and sex drive while struggling with gaining confidence in his male self and bearing witness to his own demise as a woman; life before testosterone, when as Anita, a self-identified lesbian out for fourteen years, he confronts startling moments of awareness of a deeper, earlier dream of who he really is; and life after testosterone, when the experience of living in the world as a man is at once a homecoming and a confirmation that male behavior is at least partly rooted in biology.

The Testosterone Files addresses the most fundamental issues of transitioning, from buying men's underwear to choosing a male name, as well as the profound subjects of male privilege, physical power, and existing as a male who was once distrustful and critical of men's intentions.

Valerio's honest and forthcoming opinions on gender, identity, and self-perception comprise the core of this intensely personal and absorbing narrative which grapples with the tough and complex issues that emerge in a world whose assumptions about gender binaries are being increasingly challenged as more people openly self-define across the gender spectrum.

Print length

352 pages
Language

English
Publication date

May 4, 2006
Dimensions

5.65 x 1.3 x 8.6 inches
ISBN-10

1580051731
ISBN-13

978-1580051736
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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

The best thing about this aggressive, emotional memoir by a former lesbian, female-to-male transgender is that its author never elicits easy sentiment or empathy from the reader. This is, by intent and in delivery, a tough book. Born in 1957 in Germany, a part–Native American Army brat, Anita Valerio grew up to be a lesbian-feminist who, after seeing the boxing film Raging Bull at age 23, began to understand that she was really a man. Eleven years later, Valerio is injecting testosterone and well on his journey to manhood. Valerio writes directly and forcefully about his "primal" new male sexual desires, which feel like "an outburst of instinct," as opposed to life on estrogen, which felt like being submerged "in a sweet, dense fog." Valerio's maleness is often expressed in blunt, even offensive language, as at the end of the book, when he realizes, with irony but not sadness, that he has made a further advance into maleness when it becomes more difficult to communicate with women. Valerio's broad, dichotomized stands on politics and gender often feel like just another tough pose. Worse, they flatten out the memoir's emotional landscape. (June)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

From Booklist

Determined to convey the experience of "one of the most extravagant experiments of the twentieth century," Native American Latino Sephardic poet and performer Valerio details the physiological, psychological, and social transformations of female-to-male sex change in three "files." The first describes Valerio at the start of the transition. "Before Testosterone" looks back at the internal--external factors leading to then leather-and-spikes lesbian Valerio's decision for the life-altering change. "After Testosterone" assays the "construction" of maleness. Valerio's on-target perceptions reveal such all-important details as increased hair growth on legs and feet, enlargement of the pores, and increased energy. Valerio started testosterone injections on March 20, 1989, and learned to give himself the shots of thick, oily liquid while watching his femaleness recede with attendant joy and nostalgia. Eventually, he built his masculinity physically--the clitoris, a "neocock," enlarged sufficiently to achieve penetration with female partners--and, most important, psychically. A signal addition to gender and sociology collections. Whitney Scott
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved

Product details

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Seal Press; 42174th edition (May 4, 2006)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Paperback ‏ : ‎ 352 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1580051731
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1580051736
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 1.08 pounds
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.65 x 1.3 x 8.6 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #748,578 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #1,338 in LGBTQ+ Demographic Studies
- #1,638 in General Gender Studies
- #5,224 in Women's Studies (Books)

Customer Reviews:
4.4 48 ratings

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Max W. Valerio

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My memoir is about my first five years of transition from female to male. It is not poetry, although many say it is poetic. Most deeply and consistently, I am a poet and have written poetry for over thirty years. Although I have been known to work with punk bands to create primal and seductive alien landscapes of sound, I am not a spoken word poet. Even so, my work is written for the page and then, to be heard and read out loud.

I am a registered treaty Indian in Canada: Blackfoot Confederacy and Kainai (Blood) band - Treaty 7. My mother is from the Blood or Kainai reserve, and my father is from Taos in northern New Mexico. I have been involved in tracking down my father's lineage, my Sephardic ancestors who were chased up north to New Mexico in 1598 and 1694, principally by the Spanish Inquisition, after sojourns in Italy from Spain after the expulsion.

I identify as many things. I am also a transsexual man, having gone through medical transition from female to male beginning in 1989. Primarily, I identify as just a man, but I certainly take on trans as a qualifier and an accurate description of who I am and where I have been.

I have a wonderful loving girlfriend, and a rich and sweet life in San Francisco. I'm a punk at heart, having been involved in the early punk scene, and I will always enjoy anarchy and a kind of visceral rebellion. However, I also have iconoclastic perspectives on many issues, and although I lean far to the left on most issues, whenever I sense that a utopian agenda is circumventing liberty or good, common sense, I have been known to lean to a place that I have not yet defined. That is, I am, in some respects, a civil libertarian, or at least, someone who dislikes being told what to do, say or think. I also dislike identity politics. It is the seventh ring of hell, and I would prefer to not think about it, but I guess, I am a man condemned in some sense. Possibly, we can move beyond those layers, to a fresh and energizing perspective.

I love visionary art and poetry. I am in love with transformation and intensely lived experience. I have been a part of many religious and spiritual paths including Tibetan Buddhism and Afro-Caribbean traditions, American Indian traditions, and an exploration of Judaism.

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4.4 out of 5

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Ms. Wafflemeyer

Fascinating

Reviewed in the United States on April 17, 2008

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I barely made it through the prologue of this book because of the writing style. The author is a poet and it really shows in that section. Unfortunately I'm not too keen on poetry and, while slogging through it, kept mumbling Mark Twain's Rule 14: Eschew Surplusage!

Nevertheless, this book is a fascinating read, and well worth pursuing to the end. Valerio throws amazing revelation after amazing revelation (ok, a little surplusage of my own) at you. I was surprised, for instance, that there are so many things about the effects of testosterone on men that I never knew or suspected.

Valerio does an excellent job sharing his experience, providing insight into the (to me) mysterious feeling that one has been born into a body that does not fit his sexual identity.

Our society would benefit from a greater understanding of LGBT issues, and this book is well-suited to that purpose. Read it and pass it on.

8 people found this helpful

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Slade

Read this Book if You're: 1. Straight 2. Transitioning from Female -> Male 3. Interested in the Impact of Testosterone

Reviewed in the United States on May 1, 2018

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I read this book when it was first published; Max's ability to describe the differences between the genders due to biology - eg Testosterone - and NOT socialization was fascinating and spot-on. All heterosexuals ought to read this book; then they will understand why the other gender acts the way they do. I must have given the book away to one of my straight friends, because when I went to look for it, after making the decision to transition, it was nowhere to be found. I knew the book would act as a map along the transition trail from female to male due to T, and wanted to have it handy for referral and validation.

2 people found this helpful

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Best Buyer.

Extremely well written memoir of courage and perseverance.

Reviewed in the United States on July 11, 2017

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I was amazed at what an articulate and accomplished writer Max Wolf Valerio is. His journey is nothing less than courageous and heartwarming. I'm thankful that I could hear his story from his own personal experiences and true feelings from within. I purchased the book because I was curious about the effects of testosterone but I learned so much more by reading this book. It is definitely a book to be applauded and valued for its most sensitive content.

2 people found this helpful

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J.K.

Engrossing, if ignorant at times

Reviewed in the United States on September 15, 2013

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It is to Max's credit that he warns us of this book's personal nature. He warns us that he is not going to be politically correct...ok,whatever. He can be as feisty as he wants in this story of his life, made suddenly noteworthy by being a transexual.

I got a sense of this guy's personality through reading this. He likes to provoke people who may not be so comforted by his transformation.
It is probably lesbians who would be most disquieted by his experience going from butch to straight man. He knows that, and he is torturing them a little bit (just like he wanted to torture his friend's barbie?) through a few unnecessary jabs (their porn is boring, they are sequestered as a group, etc.)

Also, I was put off by the broad, or nonexistent understanding that Max has about how hormones work in the brain and the body. If my body were undergoing such a change, I would want to read at least a couple of books on biology and neuroscience.
He talks about testosterone like it is a pill given to him by his doctor. (well, a shot) Just pop it and see what happens....keep a diary. Record all your poetic observations, and then apply it to the experience of MEN..... Your perceptions are yours, but you do not have the scientific authority to make statement's like:

"The male eye is excited by red." -uh, says who?

"Women do tend to enjoy reading about sex more than looking at images." here we go again....says who? which women?

"The bright light bulb" of testosterone compared to the "deep, dark well" of estrogen. oh the polarities...the frolicking unicorn of hyperbole is back!

And the greatest:
"My god, if this is how men feel, how come they don't rape more often?"

I get what he's saying. Sort of. But I know that someone is going to take this the wrong way. And run with the hell away with it.

I guess that's what you get with a memoir. I still think he could have had some respect for processes he is still quite ignorant of.

It is still a good story, and this guy is a pretty good writer, and has a remarkable perspective on the embodied experience of men and women. And he does acknowledge where he is uninformed. I just wish he did it a bit more often. His observations on people reacting to him in the world, as both genders, is the most solid part of the book.

10 people found this helpful

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Shari

Interesting Read! Definitely worth a look if you like Memoirs.

Reviewed in the United States on January 22, 2016

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Very interesting book! The author is a good writer and has an important story to tell about his life. He courageously tackles the subject matter of his transition in all its complexities without watering it down. Max shows himself as an imperfect individual, yet still evokes empathy in the reader. Recommended for anyone with an open mind!

One person found this helpful

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Taser

Beware, misogyny

Reviewed in the United States on August 9, 2018

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There were a lot of things I did like about this book but I could only make it 2/3 of the way through before the blatant sexism and misogyny became unbearable. As an FTM person myself, I call on my community members to look instead for story tellers and writers who share their experiences without perpetuating inequality.

13 people found this helpful

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G. Vanwagenen

A Raw and Gripping Account of Gender and Sex

Reviewed in the United States on July 17, 2013

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This is one of the most formidable works on gender studies I've read. The author takes you on a rather wild ride, through his childhood (as a female), adolescence and adulthood, when he decided to transition into masculinity. He writes it all in a lucid, stream-of-consciousness narrative, focusing sharply on details that would otherwise be lost. It's a fascinating read.

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Swulfensmith

Essential for understanding what trans people go through

Reviewed in the United States on July 10, 2020

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Amazing, candid, informative account of a man's journey to find himself.

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Shivasankari

Life story

Reviewed in India on October 6, 2019

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Good book to read and to know the biography of the author. Emotionally connected towards the usage of words.

Rupert Harris

Great

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on May 16, 2019

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Perfect. Great book. Great service.

James

Parfait dans son rôle

Reviewed in France on February 3, 2017

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J'ai acheté ce livre comme complément de mes cours universitaires pour en savoir plus sur le sujet.
C'est le récit de Max, qui y raconte sa vie, son parcours, ses obstacles aussi. J'ai trouvé très intéressant, il met notamment en lumière ce que c'est d'être (perçu comme) un homme et ce que cela implique. En bref, même s'il est un peu vieux (on le voit parfois, on est projeté dans ce qu'était la vie à l'époque), ce livre donne une vision très complète de ce que c'est que d'être transsexuel. Pour ceux que cela intéresse, foncez.

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寅

レズビアンフェミニスト出身のFTM詩人の自伝

Reviewed in Japan on April 15, 2018

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日本でFTMというとガテン系の元女性で男として生きる人物を想像しがちだと思う。だが、この本の作者、マックス・ウルフ・バレリオは読者のそんな想像を良い意味でくつがえす。彼はフェミニストレズビアンの中でもセパラティストと呼ばれるラディカルな派で活動していたこともある、詩人なのだ。マックスはアメリカ大陸の先住民族の血も引いており、その風貌や文化的背景も一般の日本人からは想像しがたい深みと複雑さを兼ね備えている。ホルモン療法で自らのアイデンティティーに確信を深め、人生を謳歌していく彼の自伝は力強さに満ちあふれている。彼の先輩に当たる、ミルウォーキー出身のFTMゲイの活動家ルー・サリバンとの交流についても記され、アメリカ大陸のFTMコミニュニティの懐の深さを感じることも出来る本書は当事者のみならず研究者にも一読を勧めたい一冊だ。

One person found this helpful

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shogan

Excellent, stands out from the crowd

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on November 30, 2017

Verified Purchase

Excellent narration of ftm journey. Very insightful

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