- Hardcover: 288 pages
- Publisher: Dutton (February 6, 2018)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 1101986123
- ISBN-13: 978-1101986127
- Product Dimensions: 5.7 x 1 x 8.5 inches
- Shipping Weight: 14.1 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
- Average Customer Review: 35 customer reviews
- Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #14,135 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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Text Me When You Get Home: The Evolution and Triumph of Modern Female Friendship Hardcover – February 6, 2018
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Praise for Text Me When You Get Home
“A memoir of female friendship issues a call to action for BFFs everywhere.” —New York Times Book Review
“Text Me has the thrills and laughs of a romantic comedy, but with an inverted message: ‘There just isn't only one love story in our lives,’ Schaefer writes. If you're lucky, friends will be the protagonists in these multiple love stories. It's high time that we start seeing it that way.”—NPR.org
“Schaefer traces the evolution of female friendship in this thoughtfully reported book. Its insightful cultural criticism makes for an especially valuable read in the #MeToo era.”—Entertainment Weekly
“Text Me When You Get Home is journalist Kayleen Schaefer’s love letter to her friends. Schaefer rejects the idea that women’s friendships are rife with dysfunction and that women themselves are somehow dysfunctional, a concept that she shows remains strong in popular culture…Schaefer shows that, contrary to pop culture’s emphasis on catfights and frenemies, women’s friendships are stabilizing and joyful.” —The Washington Post
“[A] witty, deep memoir [that] digs into the power and the glory of female friendships...Where to start unpacking the good news that Kayleen Schaefer broadcasts in her timely, nimble, essential memoir...Every page of this book has something valuable to impart about the necessity of fostering female bonds and tending them with the same care we give to our relationships with family, spouses, and children.”—Elle
“Reading Text Me When You Get Home feels like experiencing its subject—the intimate, slow-burning, miraculously comfortable thrill of making and keeping a lifelong friend. Kayleen Schaefer’s affectionate and clear-sighted exploration of female friendship is as romantic as a movie and as honest as the conversation on the third day of a road trip; reading it is as delightful as walking into a bar on a weeknight to see your friend already seated and ordering your drink.”—Jia Tolentino, staff writer at The New Yorker
“A hopeful celebration of women's friendships.”—Kirkus Reviews
“The title speaks for itself: I constantly say those exact words to my friends when we part ways or to my sister when she goes out for a run alone…Schaefer’s work is a great addition to this trend (and your bookshelf).” —Outside Magazine
“Schaefer creates a beautiful portrait of how modern female friendship has evolved to be a positive force that is making women stronger than ever....She artfully explains how the intense bond we experience as friends carries us through many different eras of our lives and dispels the idea that female friends are less important than romantic relationships, family, or careers....You will find something in this book that will make you want to text your own person and tell her how much she means to you.”—Buzzfeed, Favorite Books of 2018
“[Schaefer’s] book about the incredible, complicated bonds of female friendship is relatable, familiar, and subverts the false notion that women are predisposed to hating each other.” —Mental Floss
“This is a really good summer read to make you appreciate your friends. So just pick up a copy and you can finish it at the pool in like, a day. Just try not to cry in public.” —The Betches
“Text Me When You Get Home offers a new sociological perspective — as well as a celebration — of female friendships today.” —PopSugar
"I went to an all-girls boarding school, so I thought I had a PhD in female friendship, but Text Me When You Get Home put me in my place." —Town & Country, Editor's Pick
“I was deeply moved by this book. I cried and I laughed. I recognized myself in it. I felt raised up and also challenged. It felt like a delicious, long overdue conversation with a best friend I didn’t know I had. I will be giving this book to all my girlfriends.”—Lennon Parham, creator, writer and star of Best Friends Forever and Playing House
“Warning: this absolutely delightful and insightful book on the immense power of female friendship will make you book a trip to visit your college best friend immediately. You might even buy Beyoncé tickets. It’s that good.”—Jessica St. Clair, creator, writer and star of Best Friends Forever and Playing House
“Here’s a book to devour in two sittings....Readers of all generations will enjoy her engaging writing and may see their own friendships reflected in her stories.”—Booklist
“Part social history, part personal narrative, Text Me When You Get Home is a Valentine to female friendship.” —ShelfAwareness
“A refreshing read that really gets at the heart of why portrayals on Insecure, Broad City, and everything in-between so greatly resonate.” —Bitch Media
“This in-depth look into the evolution of female friendship is one all women will benefit from this year.”—Working Mother
About the Author
Kayleen Schaefer is a journalist and author of the bestselling Kindle Single memoir Fade Out. Her work has appeared in The New York Times, Vanity Fair, The New Yorker, Vogue, and many other publications. She currently lives in New York City, and Text Me When You Get Home is her first book.
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There were also a couple of points made that I didn’t agree with. First and foremost was the idea that a woman could not have a man as a best friend, “it just doesn’t work that way.” I disagree wholeheartedly. While I see where the author is coming from, I have several male best friends who I’m just as close to as my non-male best friends. There’s nothing I don’t feel comfortable sharing with them, and while they may not have gone through all the same experiences as me, they’re still my best friends.
The majority of the book is anecdotal, with references to pop culture. There’s a bit of historical research mixed in and very little, if any, current research. It’s the author talking about her friendships with women, and interviewing other women about their friendships. All these stories seem to come from a very limited subset of women — upper-middle class straight women. At least, that was the vibe I got. I didn’t mark down details about every single woman she interviewed, but this seemed to be the pattern I saw.
There were a few other things that gave me some serious “yikes” vibes. The author made jokes about strokes, and put in jokes about stalking quotes from an interviewee. There was also one line that really irritated me. The author is talking about a pair of best friends, one straight and one gay. She shared that the friends would go to gay bars together, which is fine, but that “Susanna liked being the only straight girl.” Being queer myself, I’m pretty sick of straight women co-opting gay spaces as their own and I found this inclusion completely unnecessary.
Additionally, the author shared that she didn’t really care about feminism at all until Trump was elected. I think this goes to show the kind of privilege she has lived with, and that she isn’t really qualified to speak for women at large. I was surprised that she even admitted to this, but I think that just means that she doesn’t see any issue with it.
I will note again that I am reading an unfinished copy, so it would be interesting to know if any of these things were left out of the final copy.
Overall, Text Me When You Get Home was an enjoyable read. It was nice reading about relationships between women, but I didn’t feel like I was learning anything. I would be interested in seeing a book written about relationships between women that goes more in depth than this one, and that discusses women from different backgrounds. I won’t tell anyone not to read this book, but I think it’s good to go into it not expecting it to be a gamechanger.