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Thank You for Being Such a Pain: Spiritual Guidance for Dealing with Difficult People Paperback – April 27, 1999
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From Publishers Weekly
Copyright 1998 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
--Charles Foster, Ph.D., Psychotherapist and Author of There's Something I Have to Tell You
From the Trade Paperback edition. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
Top Customer Reviews
_Still, to his credit, the author recognizes that there are those that are so unreasonable that we will have no choice but to cut them off- and perhaps warn others. You just don't do this until you have exhausted all other options. Also, it is recognized that it is healthy and normal to have extreme emotional reactions to difficult people (how many authority figures have you encountered that considered your anger a worse sin than the offense that triggered it?)
_I've come to the conclusion that the author is correct in his views. There are no coincidences in this life- not if we are sensitive and introspective enough to recognize and interpret them. Plus, the purpose of this life is to learn and grow- and often that means the pressure of conflict. In and of itself, conflict is not good- it is the effort to understand both your motivations and that of others that is of value.
_This book isn't a cure-all for interpersonal conflicts by any means. However it is a good basis for a "reasonable man's standard" to use with dealing with others.Read more ›
If you are a person in crisis, desperately searching for strategies to deal with a difficult co-worker, spouse, or friend, this might not be the first book you want to pick up; especially if your eyeballs are spinning in their sockets. If you're ready to calmly move beyond the sense frustration that grips your waking moments and you aren't opposed to having some scripture tossed into the mix, Rosen's book might prove helpful.
I say "almost" because Rosen is careful not to assume that "difficult" people really _do_ intend harm; on the contrary, he repeatedly contends, many apparently difficult people don't really have any idea that they're doing something wrong. For that matter, many of them _aren't_ doing anything wrong; sometimes the problem is in ourselves only, and _we_ are the ones who are being "difficult." (Everybody is difficult to somebody, says Rosen. And genuine evil, he thinks, is a rarity, although it does exist.)
But however that may be, Rosen takes the view that there is a spiritual lesson for us hidden inside every one of our dealings with other people, that we will have to keep retaking the lesson until we learn it, and that ultimately the only way to guarantee that we can deal effectively with "difficult" people is to change ourselves in accordance with such lessons. And in chapter after chapter, he sets out exercises and questions that are intended to help us do just that.
Rosen's approach is firmly grounded in Judaism (and clearly inspired by the Musar movement, especially R. Moshe Hayyim Luzzatto's _The Path of the Upright_, from which Rosen quotes on page one). But he is careful to present advice that carries over to other religions and spiritual traditions, and indeed to quote from representatives of those traditions -- or of none -- when they have something apropos to say.Read more ›
Mark Rosen, a management consultant and workshop leader who specializes in interpersonal conflict and communication, offers a new approach to dealing with difficult people. If we can see them as teachers sent to us for a purpose, we will find ourselves looking for the lessons we're meant to learn from these gadflies rather than swatting at them or shooing them away. Rosen helps the reader to understand the many causes of difficult personalities, because: "To understand everything is to forgive everything," as stated in the French proverb he shares. Then he shows us some of the ways we can learn from difficult relationships, how frequently the negative traits we find in others are a reflection of our own flaws, and how God sends us difficult people to get our attention.
Sometimes pain and frustration are necessary to stimulate our personal and spiritual growth. Rosen guides us gently through this concept so that we can give it serious consideration without feeling defensive. He uses a variety of illustrations to make his points, including the idea that prayer and meditation - working on our inner selves - can result in the transformation of our outer relationships.Read more ›
Most Recent Customer Reviews
So far, so good. Instead of calling people names like other books do, we reflect on why (why?!) these people are in our lives and how we can become better people because of it.Published 3 months ago by Arland X
Practical and funny to read as you recognize others and one's self in the writings. Great for clergy!Published 4 months ago by Amazon Customer
This book is a keeper. I have learned so much through this book and I keep it on my shelf --- available to reference and reread as I need to. Read morePublished 14 months ago by Barbara Jo
This book is great and I gave it to someone as a gift. I know it is going to help him tremendously!!!Published 17 months ago by Amazon Customer
I have this on my kindle and in my bookcase and one extra in case I want to give this to a friend. such great ideas and observations, everything is a learning moment. Read morePublished 23 months ago by Regina Vitolo