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That's Why I Married You: How to Dance with Personality Differences Paperback – March 15, 2016
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Chana Levitan crystallizes the treacherous steps that lead to a downward spiraling marriage. She then clarifies options for transitioning to upward spiraling, that is, for emerging from annoyance at differences to enjoying each other, differences and all. Essential reading for all couples who want a lasting and loving marriage, and for marriage therapists as well. This book earns a super-bravo! --Susan Heitler, PhD, Author of Prescriptions Without Pills: For Relief from Depression, Anger, Anxiety and More
This research-based book is a gem. It shines light on why its not the differences between people that cause marital problems its how those differences are understood, handled, accepted and embraced. Buy the book, read it, follow its wisdom and increase your chances for what we all dream of - - a happy, healthy, life-time love and marriage. --Dr. Howard Markman, Ph.D., Professor of Psychology and Co-Director of the Center for Marital and Family Studies at the University of Denver
Chana Levitan has written a very practical and thorough book that provides a roadmap for achieving a paradigm shift. Practical, clearly explained recommendations provide couples with tools to transform their personality differences into a powerful engine for personal growth and deepened connection. I highly recommend this book for singles, couples, and marriage therapists. --David Pelcovitz, PhD, Straus Chair in Psychology and Education, Azrieli Graduate School of Jewish Education and Administration, Yeshiva University
I read Ms. Levitan's book from the perspective of almost four decades in family court as advocate, mediator, and decisor. This book should be given away by every marriage license bureau in the country to every applicant. If they would just follow her approach, I might never meet them. --Dan Butler, Family court judge; nationally renowned speaker
About the Author
Chana Levitan, MSc, is an educator, speaker, therapist and author with twenty-five years of experience. Her best-selling book I Only Want to Get Married Once is a clear and practical guide to choosing the right marriage partner. Chana has lectured extensively across the globe on four different continents and has counseled thousands of men and women on dating and marriage. She is a frequent guest on television and radio talk shows, including WCBS 880 and WLS 890. A native New Yorker, Chana now lives in Jerusalem with her husband and children.
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The first paragraph of Chapter 1 says it all: "She was attracted to him because he was stable and practical; once married, she got turned off because he was drab and business-like."
The case reports in this book are enlightening, and emphasize that, while simple in theory, the insights and advice devolving from them, require what may be the most concerted application of one's life force during our lifetime. At the same time, the straightforward notions that the book teaches, provide an as easy as possible framework for sitting down and talking to one's spouse in an effort to both salvage and re-energize the marriage.
As both having provided and received couples therapy over the years, I can see the resistance that might come up in reading and applying the contents of this book. Very little attention is paid to the "why" and "wherefore." For the therapist, these latter issues are sometimes more interesting than the every day matters and interpersonal interactions that are the boons and banes of the marriage. For the couple, rummaging through the why and wherefore maintains the siege mentality that both looms over and sustains the plight of a failing marriage.
This is one of those "how-to" books that are simple enough to "do" and insightful and reality-based enough to be effective.
Ali Julia review
Chana Levitan asked couples about their personality differences, then studied how their ways of coping (or mishandling) these differences affected their marital happiness and duration. She eventually discovered that the most successful marriages used personality differences between spouses as a strength, rather than viewing them as a constant source of friction.
Again, I thought the book was interesting even though I am in a relatively stable relationship. I can only imagine how helpful this book would be to people with conflict in the relationship, but I suspect it would be immensely useful. Because of the narrow scope of the book, I would not recommend reading this book as the one and only book about marital relationships you read (unless you are also seeing a therapist to work on this specific issue). However, coupled with The 5 Love Languages, it's really powerful. It generated a fascinating conversation with my husband and it might improve our already close bond.
The book came to my attention because the author and the publishing house are Jewish. While there is a small number of Jewish references in this book (like, maybe 5), the book is entirely applicable and understandable to readers of all faiths.