Customer Reviews: The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander: From Preschool to HighSchool--How Parents and Teachers Can Help Break the Cycle (Updated Edition)
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on November 6, 2007
I was bullied as a child, and learned quickly that my parents' admonitions to "ignore" didn't work very well. So when my 5-year-old was the target of some mean-spirited verbal taunting, I decided to find out what WOULD work. The theory behind this book is excellent. Lots of good information. It was also very well-written, and easy to read. But what I didn't find, was a lot of solid, easy-to-follow exercises. It talks about role-playing ethical situations, but doesn't provide scenarios. The more concrete ideas that it does have are much more suited to older kids. So, I definitely recommend this book as a starting point, perhaps even THE starting point if you've got a bullying situation on your hands (either your child is being bullied, or is bullying, or is a bystander). But it's likely to not be the only book you'll need to read.
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on August 7, 2005
Barabara Coloroso thoroughly investigates all aspects of the bullying process in this book. Making bystanders just as accountable as the bully themselves, Ms. Coloroso sharply criticizes how today's society seems to focus only on the bully's ACT instead of the underlying feelings which cause such behavior.

She encourages parents and "responsible adults" to get involved in the hallways, playgrounds, and streets of our children's world. Not at all defeatist, Ms. Coloroso's attitude is one of seeking to break the cycle of violence through love, communication, and consequence.

All teachers, school administrators and parents of children all ages should grab a copy, pencil in hand to underline the nuggets of wisdom Ms. Coloroso offers us. She hands us the solution to a prevalent problem for kids. It is our job to relax our fists long enough to receive what she has to say and to implement it through the doable exercises she puts forth. Buy a copy. You'll be glad you did.

Reviewed by Christine Louise Hohlbaum, parenting humorist, author of DIARY OF A MOTHER: PARENTING STORIES AND OTHER STUFF, and SAHM I AM: TALES OF A STAY-AT-HOME MOM IN EUROPE. [...]
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on March 22, 2006
It is a book that should be owned definitely by every parent, and also by everyone. It helps with understanding of how and why we came here, why we are who we are, and how to make it better for our kids and actually for every one around us. It describes how a family should treat our kids with respect and freedom. It is one book which I think is a must read. It gives insight into how we can change despite of bad experiences while we grew up. I would recommend it to be bought before buying a crib when you expect a baby! It is like a bible for a christan, Geeta for an Indian, Koran for a Muslim. It tells the three kinds of families, two dysfucntional and how they make long lasting deficiencies in kid's psyche. Then it explains how a backbone family gives freedom and respect to a child and makes him independent and loving. It takes a while to read as it has painful stories of kids who killed themselves because of bullying. This book should be talked about in parent teacher's organizations, at churches, temples , Sunday schools and so on. It is one book that will make a difference in our society. It describes the importance of difference between teasing and taunting and how taunting can lead to suicides, hurts not only the bullied but also instills fear in the bystanders. It weaves the relation of parental upbringing into making a kid a passive bystander as opposed to helper for the bullied. It tells signs to be seen in your child to detect if he is bullied, questions to be asked. It tells the life destroying long lasting effects on his own life if a bully is not stopped! It gives non humiliating strategies how to stop a bully and how to empower a bullied and the critical role of bystander and how to make him help the bullied. A fantastically written book. A life changing book!
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on December 31, 2007
This book is very useful in dealing with the bully in the school. This is truly a life and death issue. It's application however goes beyond the the schools.It is always applies to the work place,business,the church,the internet, the funeral arrangement conference, national politics,and international relations. Chapter seven "Is there a bullied kid in the house applies" to all these environments.

She points out that the roots of bullying are in the home. Chapter Five is excellent in revealing three types of families and how it relates to bullying.She is particularly bold in describing sexual bullying and it's
relationship to sexual harassment. Her treatment of telling and tattling can be applied not just to the schoolyard, but to any type of whistle blowing. Five stars! Excellent job on a timeless subject.
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on September 30, 2006
This is a must have book for anyone that deals with kids. Our schools have a problem with bullying that the district is presently denying. I hope to start a support group soon - and this will be the one book I highly recommend reading.

I've already purchased multiple copies and have given them to staff at my child's school.
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on February 16, 2016
A nice book, but didn't really cover the different aspects of bully, bullied or bystander in dept. This book is more about how to deal with this entire situation especially after it occurs. However, I was under the impression (from the title) that the bully, bullied and bystander would be covered so that I as a reader would understanding each participant and what makes them tick. That is the characteristics of the bully, bullied and the bystander. No, that did not happen. The subhead would have been a better title "How Parents Can Break the Bully Cycle". Just saying.
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on November 9, 2006
This is a wonderfully written book. It presents parents, teachers and proffessionals with all three sides of the triangle created by the ever growing epidemic of "bullying". It calls for social change in it's remedy to this deadly disruption of the lives of so many. The format is easy to read and insightful. It is well worth the time it takes to read and then some. Bravo Barbara Coloroso, the information in this book is informative and inspiring.
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on July 6, 2005
The book is well researched and provides excellent insight to the complexities of the problem of bullying. An easy an informative read. A must for parents and educators. Articualtes the importance of each participant in the bullying triangle.
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on September 10, 2012
I purchased this book as a parent of elementary aged children to educate myself on bullying and in an attempt to bully-proof my kids. The book reads a little more like a text book and it seems to be aimed both at educators and parents. I found it useful to clearly understand that everyone is somewhere on the bullying cycle, not just the bully and the bullied. My kids all seem to have a natural tendency to be one of the three (bully/bullied/bystander) and I found ways of helping each of them. The true key seems to be the development of healthy peer relationships. The book does NOT provide clear activities and doesn't seem intended to. If you are looking for a how-to book - this would not be the choice. What it really does is to help the parent or educator understand the impact of bullying and find approaches that will help kids become better citizens. I highly recommend it for any parent with school aged kids.
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on September 7, 2008
Bullying is a problem that involves all of us and there is something in this book for each of us. Whether we are a parent, a teacher, a student, or whatever--Coloroso's book gives us much food for thought. The role of the bystander is indeed a crucial role as the bystander can unintentionally (or perhaps sometimes intentionally) facilitate the bullying situation. Highly Recommended!
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