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Showing 1-10 of 80 reviews(Verified Purchases). See all 121 reviews
on April 16, 2017
This book was useful in that it discussed things I had not previously heard about, such as the concept of triangulation and histograms. It is a useful book too for women who are wanting to learn more about setting boundaries in relationships. It is a bit outdated (you can tell it wasn't written in this decade). Also as a lesbian I found it lesbian-friendly in a way that some books about relationships are not, but again in a somewhat outdated sort of way. Overall I would recommend this as a book for people (particularly women, as it does seem written more for women than men) who want to gain a deeper understanding of human relations.
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on October 2, 2015
This is a theory of relationships book, not a how to book. It is well organized, systematically written. Written from a female perspective, but the issues are recognizable by men with spouses or sisters in the workforce.

Clear warnings by the author that presenting problem and solution histories in one chapter makes things look easier than they are. Enough stories without "happy endings" to realistically present difficulties.

Have read one dance book before, fear. I am considering reading another, anger, in the near future. Recommended by psychologist treating me for depression when I brought up marital concerns.
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on January 15, 2013
This book literally changed the way I talk to people and express myself. After a series of failed relationships both romantic and family, I decided to start the new year with a change. The Dance of Intimacy made me examine my family relationships and how those impact every other relationship I have. It also made me focus on my feelings and less on the behavior of others, especially when communicating about a problem or issue. I can honestly say I'm less angry now, I still have a long way to go but this book was a great first step.
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on October 23, 2016
This book surprised me in a good way. It has not only good insight on how women can achieve healthy intimate relationships but it depicts great examples of how other women achieved this. Lerner also comments on the social context of the women she is talking about; at times she talks about feminism and makes parallelisms between change in the social structures and change in intimate relationships. I recommend this book greatly.
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on July 7, 2016
recommended and excellent
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on March 13, 2015
All of Harriet Lerner's books are good, but this is my favorite. It spoke to me so much about how anxiety drives the emotional situations in life, and what to do about it. I loved it!
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on November 6, 2014
My life was never the same after reading this book!!!! Packed with WISDOM....Have loaned it to many people, and i buy copies of it at yardsales to give away.
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As a clinical social worker and marriage and family therapist, I can think of no one who writes about relationship dynamics as well as Harriet Lerner. I have used this book as a resource for many of my clients.

In 'Dance of Intimacy', the author discusses issues such as under- and over-functioning. The less our partner does, the more we do. The more slack we pick up, the less our partner does. She deals with setting limits for this and decreasing enabling behaviors.

Ms. Lerner also discusses distancing and pursuit. Often in relationships, when a person is pursued, they pull away. However, if their partner does not pursue them, they end up wanting more intimacy. The author deals with this common dynamic and explains the root causes of it.

She gives good advice about approaching hot issues in the relationship, offering ways to improve communication and moving forward. She also has an excellent chapter on dealing with differences between you and your partner.

I highly recommend this book for everyone, especially women.
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on June 13, 2017
Excellent read. It helped me tremendously in my relationships!!!
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on February 21, 2015
I read dance of anger before I read Dance of Intimacy. Both are very insightful and can be read repeatedly. Very simple and valuable. Though Harriet Lerner's writing makes the change the women have made in their life's seem like it happened quick, the women described in the case studies took time to make those changes. The author does mention this fact at the end of the book. Recommend reading it.
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