- Audible Audio Edition
- Listening Length: 2 hours and 46 minutes
- Program Type: Audiobook
- Version: Abridged
- Publisher: Random House Audio
- Audible.com Release Date: November 7, 2003
- Language: English
- ASIN: B0000YSMMY
- Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
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The Goomba's Book of Love Audiobook – Abridged
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Top customer reviews
This is such an elementary attempt at humor, I'm almost ashamed to admit I paid to download the book. I do hope the author keeps the book from his family, particularly his kids, as they make take his words as approval for aberrant behavior of their own, in spite of telling their father they understand it's humor. It is not humor, it is just very base, unbelievable BS.
Some of the funniest bits and pieces I have ever read - photographs galore.
Maybe I seen Steve and co. back in the 1970s at D' Jais in Belmar, New Jersey? Places didn't close at 12:00am back then.
If you never watchd one frame of "The Sopranos" you'll love this book. Great for a plane flight, a read by the pool...and down the Shore.
What are some goomba characteristics?
It's already pre-determined that the real old-school East Coast Italian-Americans must drive Caddies, wear Fila jumpsuits and sport gold chains. But these "traditions" aren't just done for the hell of it. There are reasons why the guido does certain things...
CLOTHES: Most Italian goombas wear colorful Fila track outfits as casualwear because having an easily recognizable matching uniform is essential. Also, because most guidos are a little on the heavy side, the Filas flatter the body shape and are comfortable all year round. Of course Fila is an Italian company so that is always the best brand. Guido dress-up attire is usually a dark matching suit (with either a tropical print silk shirt underneath or a dark shirt with brightly patterned tie for real formal events). The guido likes to stand out and always lives by the credo that tasteful gaudiness is classy.
ACCESSORIES: Most Italian goombas wear tons of gold because it makes them look like they have some money, even if that's not the case. The money that the guido does carry is in a roll with a rubber band around it with the big fazool (a ten spot) on the outside. Bracelets, watches, pinkie rings, and of course, necklaces are always worn. The religious emblems (Christ on the cross, Holy Mary) are usually around the neck because most guidos are Catholic.
CARS: Most Italian goombas drive old Caddies and Lincolns because they are big, powerful and roomy. Other guidos may pick a Monte Carlo or Mustang or another flashy sportscar but traditionalists will go for the Caddie. Most Mafiosos drive Caddies because they are flashy and represent luxury to the fullest but regular guidos who can't afford brand new ones go for second-handers and spice them up with tints and sound systems. And of course, the red horn is hung from the rearview mirror and the Italian flag decal is on the back bumper. I don't know about guidos outside of my neighborhood, but Jersey guidos never drive Japanese cars, only American cars.
FOOD: Most Italian goombas eat Italian-American food, not Olive Garden garbage but food from old-fashioned local spots run by fellow guidos or better yet, from Mama or Nonna. Meatballs, macaroni, eggplant, pizza, gabagol, and other old-fashioned goodness. Why? Because it tastes the best of course, and is the most filling. The guido will eat other non-Italian foods at times (it must be satisfying) but none of this modern new wave kind of eclectic cuisine is eaten, and an Italian meatball is always chosen before an American meatloaf if the option is given.
ENTERTAINMENT: Most Italian goombas like Joe Pesci and other Italian actors because they are the most relatable. These guys come from the neighborhood and talk, act and look like the local guido. That's why every Italian guido from Jersey thinks they can be on "The Sopranos." The guido has a fascination with the Mafia because of the similarities but also adores non-gangster portrayals as well, like Rocky Balboa and the all-time King Guido: Tony Manero of "Saturday Night Fever." Music is a huge part of the guido lifestyle. Anything Italian from Sinatra to Bon Jovi to Angelo Venuto are listened to. The music is usually light and danceable, none of those deep Celine Dion ballads or country tunes.
ATTITUDE: Most Italian goombas are from the East Coast so they have that "numero uno" attitude. Guidos haggle when buying something to get the best prices, are outgoing, do everything to the extreme, and show pride in all of their interests-the main one being the Italian-American heritage. Guidos never back down from fights and always go after what they want, whether it's a job or a girl or a calzone. Guidos talk with their own slang, use hand gestures, and strut. The guido's life is a constant hustle, book smarts are not always top priority when Italian charm and quick wit can be used instead. And when all else fails, God and mama are always there. The guido loves all the guido stereotypes, plays them up and doesn't give a damn what anyone thinks.
HOME LIFE: Most Italian goombas are married to a guidette who can cook and look hot doing it. Guidettes can give their men agita and turn them on at the same time. The guido-guidette relationship is always emotional, and the harder the fights are the harder the you-know-what is. The bedroom has a Crucifix above the bed, the sofa is protected with plastic and the house must have a leather recliner, a crystal chandelier, a white and red checkered tablecloth, a mini Tower of Pisa statue in the backyard, and an Italian flag on the front lawn. The kids are junior guidos and guidettes of course, and will grow up to be adult guidos and guidettes. There are always cousins and other relatives dropping by. The closeness of family and friends is always evident and the high level of drama exists because the guido is emotional and passionate about everything.