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Basic Premise is Wrong
on September 6, 2009
There are several problems with The List, the most obvious being the two basic premises: men can ONLY experience love at first sight (the authors call it "the alarm") AND the intense love rush of a new relationship guarantees eternal wedded bliss. Research and common sense be damned...
Other strange premises in this book:
1. The authors keep talking about only two options: either he proposes within thirty days or you end up in a 5-year go-nowhere relationship (they seem to be kind of obsessed with 5 year relationships). Most people I know get married or split up within 1 to 3 years.
2. Men either propose within a month or they are players who string women along.
3. All women have "women math" (the authors' words, not mine)(p. 19) in their head: at what age they want to find Mr. Right, when to marry, when to have kids, when to inherit an enormous fortune from a rich aunt in Europe (okay, I made that last one up).
And a few fun quotes:
1. Work, or keeping your job, is not important: "A List Man would never risk giving another man the opportunity to steal your heart while he is workign late at the office" (p. 85).
2. You must spend ALL of your free time together: "If you wanted your own life, you wouldn't be interested in getting married, would you?" (p. 149).
3. People are extremely simple and easy to understand: "Afte thirty days he knows everything about you there is to know" (p. 189).
That being said, there are a couple of decent premises in this book that apply to most, though not all, relationships:
1. He should make the first move if you want a relationship. Sexist, but true.
2. If he doesn't call within a couple of days after your first meeting, he is not that interested.
3. If all your "dates" consist of him bringing you along to meet his buddies at the sports bar, then he is not serious about you.
4. If he lies about big things, he is a loser.
I love reading relationship books as brain candy, and this one did not disappoint me. I even found a couple of parallels to my courtship with my husband of 8 years (he called within 24 hours, we had the "neverending date", etc.) I seriously doubt, though, that this book is truly helpful for women in search of a husband.