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on January 19, 2017
It is definitely a good book for couples and it has improved my relationship with my wife. If nothing else it shows you what things your partner is really looking for out of their spouse. I quickly found that my love language was "Acts of Service". Though it might not be sexy or macho to say that, it means more to me to have the dishes and laundry done when I come home after work or have minor home improvements taken care of before I get home. My wife and I have 2 small children and our house is hard to stay clean because every room feels like a mess. We do clean it all the time but it feels like a losing battle. My wife's love language is "Words of Affirmation". As you can tell from all these Amazon reviews I am much more of a writer than I am a talker. My wife is always looking for me to say how much I love and appreciate her because I don't say it often enough.

A big part of improving your relationship with your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend is to sticking with a date night to make sure you have quality time together. Especially if you have children or a high stress occupation. My wife and I have been together for 10 years and got stuck in the rut of an endless routine of doing everything we could for our kids, followed by daily chores and left little time for ourselves. Committing to 1 date night a week has really helped our relationship and improved our communication.

I recommend the book for sure and found it inspiring and worth reading. All couples can benefit from reading this book. The only downside is I wish it could have been a little longer. The stories from the author are interesting and I would have liked to have heard a bunch of his other examples of couples that he has dealt with. It was a short book and my wife and I finished it in 4 or 5 days and that was reading it slowly. The price is easily affordable. I found it best to photo copy the test quiz at the end instead of writing in the book so we can give the book to any family or friends who are struggling with their relationship.
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on August 4, 2017
I was once asked to read this book by the only person in the world I love.....I refused. At the time I figured it to be some shrinks opinion on how we should all be in our relationships....what the hell does he know I thought.....what if he is wrong and my future wife bases our whole future on just what he says.....I imagined this book to be some guy with opinions on how to fix problems that he knows nothing about because he doesn't know "us". It's not a good feeling as a man to agree to read a book on relationships because you feel like you're putting everything into the authors hands.....and what if he "doesn't understand" or what if the advice doesn't apply to us.....what if it makes things worse between us because he advises things we don't believe in.....no....I'm not reading that I told her.
I thought no matter what we would always figure each other out and we would be ok......I didn't see being asked to read this book , was a cry out from the woman I love hitting a boiling point and her attempt to communicate to me in a different way......the same things she's been trying to for a long time.....
Being close minded that day costed me so much regret and misery....I used to wake up to the most beautiful smile in the world and now I don't....I recently ended up reading this book and I couldn't put it down....sounds crazy but it's true. Instead of being some guys opinions or......typical shrink talk that in no way could apply to each specific relationship.......I found it to be a book that opens up the mind to the understanding of love.....and how it is not this one universal "language" we all feel we should be the same with.....I once told her...."nobody taught me how to love, I'm growing....learning".....I pleased with her to understand I love her.......we simply didn't have an understanding of how and why we didnt approach love the exact same way as each other.....only makes sense that it should be the same right? You bicker and argue and it drives you crazy......why doesn't she understand you think.......the book is not an excuse to use or justify a true bad relationship let me add.....but it truly answers so many questions.....it is really a language of love. Once understood, this book leaves you feeling like a fool and only wanting to apply so much of what you've now learned to your future together. It takes away the work of trying to understand the things that at the time make no sense.....and allows you to focus on what's important....loving instead of wasting precious time. Read it carefully and I recommend reading it together.....I didn't get that chance but I can guarantee reading this book with who you love will allow you both to stop frequently throughout the pages and talk,learn,smile, probably cry.....but then go on to a much happier fulfilling life together once the book is closed. It can save so much if you only let it.

*Update 12-1-17

I drive a bus so I have nothing but time to think as I look out the window and look up at the sky looking around me. You would probably think of screaming kids and noise but for me it is driving in my own little world and using time to think about life
I am a trainer so I spend my time trying to help people learn how to maintain their body and prevent problems. And the funny thing is that it is are very choices of what we do to our own bodies that I am teaching to have to change. All of our problems nutritionally and physically and even mentally come down too poor choice and repetitive habits that we know we need to change but never do until it's too late. Every single person reading this can relate to that
My point about what I do is that I spend a lot of time trying to fix my body because professionals out there either won't take the time to do it or I don't have the money to spend on who is needed. I have spent countless months doing stretches and exercises and what I have found is a lot of times I'm doing the exact same stretches and exercises that don't seem to be working. Soooo......why not do different ones then right...... what a lot of reasons it may feel good, you may not know any other stretches or exercises, you may simply believe that if I just do it one more time again tomorrow....THAT it will finally help..... you just believe in that stretch so much that in your mind you just say I'll keep trying. You are maybe even making things worse by this but you're honest to God intentions are to completely cure one of the biggest problems in your life, pain...... I think you see where I'm getting at.
Getting a little long for whoever is reading but there is a lot of meaning here that can help who knows thousands of people as long as this review remains online......
I will just end it like this..... last night I took a stretch that I have been doing for over 2 years and I changed it in a slightly different way....... a lot of the pain I normally get daily is gone.......
just to put a spotlight on that sentence .....I'm saying that what I had been doing for so long..... trying to cure one of the biggest problems in my life that hadnt been working............that I continued doing........ believing in and depending on.... to be my much needed answer.......It wasn't until I allowed the idea of the same stretch applied in a different way, that I ALLOWED life to be better for me.
I did not say this stretch doesn't matter anymore and say forget it to never exist again.....no, I used it to COMMUNICATE with my body in the same exact physical form....just different language from mind to body....because I always believed in it.

Belief can be amazing and help you....it also can be your own worst enemy when refuse to change your ways.....lots of time I lost believing my way instead of another.....all while would have given anything to accomplish my goal......once again I stood in my own way......but I didn't give up.....otherwise pain would still be here and I wouldn't have came on here to add all these thoughts.

You have to go into the book with an open mind because if you do it with the mindset of wanting it to say what it is that you want to hear.....then you can never let the life-changing words happen.......you're learning a language as you read...not what's right and wrong but what was being lost in life.

Keep in mind this is a book about the language of love so if you think about when you go to school to learn a different language...you are taking the difficult step of taking time there in order to understand.....be able to take what you understand and apply it.....and be able to communicate in a NEEDED way once you learn....AND THEN USE......communicate and UNDERSTAND eachother.
Just think how you feel when you meet somebody and you want to communicate but you can't and you get frustrated. you are trying to figure out what you want the other person to know and they're trying to tell or show you..... it becomes stressful and sometimes you end up walking away from each other never knowing the real meaning that was right there between the two of you. When you are able to speak the same language this simply does not happen.....
The same two people if we're able to learn the same language, could come back in front of one another again and.....just imagine......imagine the possibilities with that communication.......so much never lost again.
The exact same message and the exact same feelings that were always there, except now instead of the stress of not understanding, there is the excitement for anything to be possible just by coming together and understanding.....
The power of language is amazing........think of when you meet somebody and they're able to speak five or six different languages, you are in awe and wish you could do it.
well imagine being able to speak the one language in life that is the most unexplainable, powerful language and meaning of life, love....
I would also like to mention the fact that if these two people sat down and learn each other's languages together how helpful that is.....and how much easier it is to be able to learn how to communicate with the exact person that you're trying to ........spending time helping each other learn different languages.......TOGETHER.
Bus is parked.
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on June 12, 2017
Great read! My husband bought this, and at first I was offended. I didn't think anything was wrong with us and I took it as kind of a personal attack. However, we started reading it together and it has just strengthened our marriage. It has reminded me to not take things for granted. It has helped me re-focus and better understand my partner. And it has helped me realize that we are two different people at the core, so what works for me isnt what best works for him and vise versa. Would recommend to anybody in a relationship that wants it to be long lasting!
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on January 2, 2018
This is THE best self-help book on relationships that I've come across. It helps you understand that the most important aspect of keeping a relationship thriving is learning what the other person needs and values and then delivering that in the best way you can manage. Some people value words of affirmation (a compliment, a spoken acknowledgment of your better traits, gratitude, etc.). Others enjoy getting gifts, or when someone does something for them, etc. The most common mistake is that we usually try to show love in the way that WE value, but not necessarily in the way that's important to the other person. So we keep speaking the wrong 'love language' and simultaneously missing the message that our partner is sending.

If you sit down and discuss with your partner what tickles your fancy, and listen to them, it will go a long way in improving how you interact. It's also worthwhile to talk about what you don't like in your partner's behavior, and the same for your partner, so that you understand the things to avoid.

Laying all this out can initially be painful, and difficult for men in particular or those not accustomed to opening up their feelings. And fixing your own behaviors takes practice and time. But it is essential to do so, because if you keep doing the same thing and getting the same undesirable results, well... don't expect your relationship to magically get better. I watched my parents repeat this same toxic circle their entire lives, and figured there had to be a better way to communicate and get along. There is. This book will help you get there. It should be essential reading for all couples.
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on April 6, 2017
I truly believe everyone could benefit from reading this book, even if you aren't in a relationship! I have learned so much about myself and it has made my relationship so much stronger, I wish I would have bought it sooner. Gary writes in a way that grabs your interest and is so relatable, I would love to read more books by him. Do yourself a favor and give it a shot!
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on March 1, 2018
Absolutely every person should read this book. When I complained about something my husband did that annoyed me, he would say, "why don't you ever tell me about the things I do right?" Super evidence that he is a "Words of Affirmation" person. I am an "Acts of Service" person. So if he does something around the house or yard, I tell him what a good job he did, how great it turned out, and I thank him. These are not big deal things. If he drives I thank him for driving, If he empties the trash, I thank him. Stuff most people take for granted, the "Words of Affirmation" person needs to HEAR them. This guy thrives on compliments. I on the other hand, thrive on things like someone doing the dishes, or cleaning the floor. Don't buy me roses. To me, it's a waste of money! You have to read this book to find out which of the five languages you speak, and which your loved ones speak.
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on October 5, 2017
I read this book a few years ago, and it is one that I plan to refer back to and reread over and over again as I go through different stages of my life. I had read this a few years after my divorce and quickly and easily realized how this book might have helped in that situation. I am of course grateful for my personal journey up until this point, but it was great to become introspective and use this book to think back to certain times where resentments had grown between me and my ex and just to see where we didn't have the words to express where we felt under served (we were young!). In my current relationship it has helped me very much. I now understand the way I receive love and the way my future husband receives love. I recommend this book to every single one of my friends that are getting married, are in transition, or are totally single. It helps so much to recognize the way you appreciate being loved so you can easily identify how a significant other works with you to make sure you feel loved, as well as how best to reciprocate how they appreciate being loved. If I could have given this 10 stars, I would have!
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on March 2, 2018
One of my best friends told me I should read this book since it always felt like as much as my husband and I truly loved each other we couldn't always express it correctly to each other for the other to really feel that love and I read the book first in at most two days and then told my husband, who is not an avid reader at all unless it's a sports article like I am, that he had to read this book not just for the sake of our marriage (which was always good but could always be better) but in a way to even understand himself and me as a person better. After he got to a certain point I told him what type of person I was and what type of love I was pretty sure I needed and he was able to tell me the same and we took the little test to be sure and he continued reading it and I reread the parts that I thought were important for me to digest even more fully to be able to show him the type of love he needed.. Mind you, we are both very different types of people and require and naturally give very different types of love, but after reading this very very helpful and eye opening book we were then able to finally show each other our love for one another in the language the person understood more fluently and it helped us to understand what the other person really needed from the other. I show him my love for him with my acts of love, dinner when he gets home and a clean house and that's all he needs to be truly happy, never would have guessed that was all it took.. And he learned I needed him to be there to truly felt loved by him..sometimes I know he can't always give me exactly that due to long hours at work and whatnot but ever since reading this book, he'll send me little texts during the day while at work just to tell me about his day or call me at lunch and for him that's nothing but for me, it's everything because I know he's thinking of me and that gives me that little extra bounce in my step while he's gone all day because I know he loves me and is still thinking of me when he's not with me and out working or anything else. Every married couple, no matter how amazing you think your marriage is, or even every couple in general, both parties should definitely read this book. It's I'm positive the most dead on accurate book I've ever read, and will make any relationship, no matter how long it's been, go from great or possibly even falling apart to feeling like that honeymoon phase again where nothing in it could ever be more perfect, no matter what your little flaws are. It's pure genius.
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on December 27, 2017
Good book for someone with a spouse or significant other in the military. I wish we both would have read this before she was deployed. Easy and fast read. After reading, I had about three pages of notes that I keep and read over while she's deployed. A lot of good information on how to keep a close relationship while AND after spouse is deployed. I don't think it goes very deep into relationships but it does help you understand how to better listen and empathize with your significant other.
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on December 13, 2015
A good perspective about love. Although I've naturally communicated love through each of these languages before (I know most of you readers have too), but it draws emphasis on areas needing more focus. After you get complacent, it's easy to forget to do these things - it reinforces the idea that Love is a discipline. It challenges you to give first and understand what the other person specifically needs. There needs to be reciprocation and with a lot of handwork there usually is reciprocation. It's also important to understand that certain things you do are not appreciated because it's not that person's primary love language. If you're having problems, you're basically going to have to do things you're not used to that allows you to give what is needed. Four of the love language are also applicable to our coworkers and friends - similar principles of dealing with people are expressed in many other books like "How to Win Friends and Influence People." However, this book has made me more aware of what I think is my primary love language and my partner's love language as well. Many thanks to Dr. Chapman.
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