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on April 6, 2016
I first read "The Five Love Languages" for adults and it opened my eyes to a new world. I discovered how the way I was showing love to my husband really wasn't communicating love to him very effectively because MY love language was different than HIS. Then we had a family and my three boys became teenagers and surprise surprise it was a challenge! A friend suggested this book and I immediately was drawn in by it because the concept is the same. How I was trying to communicate love to each one of my three teen and tween boys was not being received how I meant it because their love languages were different than mine. Aargh! That meant I actually had to spend the time learning their love languages and trying to understand them. This was a new idea for me, especially since by then I was a single mom and all I could think about was surviving day to day, not really trying to figure out how each teen boy thought, processed and communicated. Raising young kids I had found to be pretty easy. Teens were another ballgame altogether! Fortunately this book drew the idea of the teenage love languages together for me very easily, and at least helped put me on the right track. I started talking to each of my boys about how they thought and communicated, what they liked and didn't, and we even did the teen love language test together! They thought it was stupid, but we laughed about it and it was helpful! The five languages are, of course, the same as for adults: words of affirmation, physical touch, gifts, acts of service and quality time. I learnt that one of my sons absolutely did not like to be touched but valued when I did things for him (acts of service). I learnt that another really valued quality time even if we didn't talk much. A third needed words of affirmation and negative words tore him apart. Amazing - my languages are words of affirmation and gifts, so there was a lot of miscommunication going on! We started to establish some family rules, and, amazingly, things began to change.

I wrote in another review about teenage boundaries that my oldest two teenagers just left home this year. One started college last Fall and the other graduated HS this spring and started a full-time job for a year before he goes to college. They have grown into amazing young adults, and every time I see them they seem to be maturing more. Not everything I did was wrong - something was right, and we're STILL communicating, which is incredible and definitely thanks in part to this book! My youngest son, almost 16, is in full-blown teen years and I'm about to read this book again. Plus I now have two teenage stepdaughters and I've seen that there's a chapter here for blended families which is going to be absolutely invaluable.

In short, this is an incredible book and well worth the investment of time and money. Learning to communicate with your teens reaps rewards not only during the younger teenage years, but on through their young adulthood and I'm sure well into the future. In my opinion, it's fairly easy to raise young children, but teenagers are the greatest challenge ever presented to the modern parent given everything we and they face today. This book will help you navigate those years and help you stay in touch with the greatest gift you have been given - your kids!
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on June 25, 2013
I love the tone of this book. The author comes across well, with the whole goal being to get to know our teens at the heart level.
I found myself wanting to see my kids in this same light, as wonderful people God positioned in my life for me to know and interact with. Just that part would have made this book worthwhile. It really did help to change my heart toward them.

There were some areas where I felt entitled to respect from them, but those thoughts were dashed as I realized I owe them only love. The author also addressed every question that came up, such as, "Isn't that indulgent?" "What about discipline?" "If I just love them, won't they walk all over me?" Those questions proved I just didn't understand the meaning of the word Love. These questions were particularly answered in the chapters about acts of service and gifts, two love languages that can easily be misused by both parents and teenagers. I learned some things I'd never thought of, such as making a ceremony out of gift giving, in order for it to be accepted as a gift rather than just something a son or daughter is entitled to. About acts of service, I appreciated the advice to serve, all the while explaining what we are doing, so that they will never misunderstand and think they are entitled to acts of service, and also that they will not miss what we are doing is expressing love.

Something else that was new to me, and I hadn't counted on, was the moodiness of teenagers. I didn't know that was common and that it will be outgrown. I know, I should have known, I was obviously one at one time, but I missed the obvious, and had some aha moments personally, when I read this book. I hadn't known that there is no need to be offended or intimidated by these moody spells, but to lovingly address the person just as if they were not.

There was a whole chapter devoted to finding out our teens' love languages, and even how they might have changed dialects by growing up.

The book is up to date, acknowledging that there are cell phones and electronics, and how this affects today's teens so much more than the previous generation.

The reason I don't give it five stars is because I thought the author could have used more examples of interests kids could have. So many of the examples and suggestions involved either peer relationships, homework, or sports, all areas where I thought kids would be displaying false personalities. I would have liked to read more examples about family activities in the home, where everyone tends to be more like themselves, and where the reality of their life will lie as soon as they graduate from school. It could also be that we are farming, and our lifestyle is very home centered instead of business trip/9 -5 hours oriented, and I just couldn't relate to those examples. Anyway, that small concern didn't take much away from a great book, There is so much wise advice here, that we could easily fill in our own examples from our life. This is a book I'm glad to have in my library and one that I will read again.
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Note: This review, as well as many more, can also be found on my blog, The Baking Bookworm (www.thebakingbookworm.blogspot.ca).

My Review: As you can see from my reading history on GoodReads or on my blog I'm not a big non-fiction reader so it should come as no shock that I didn't happen upon this book by myself. I learned of it from a friend of mine who had read another book in the series and she had quite positive reviews of it. I had never heard of or read any of Chapman's previous "Love Languages" books but the premise intrigued me.

As many of you know I have one teen and two tweens at home. Let's just say that the household hormones runneth over. Over the past couple of years as Boy 1 entered teendom I've noticed differences in how we interact with each other and they're not always as positive as I would like. So I was eager to see if this book could give me a clearer view of what being a teen in 2013 is like for my son.

Overall, I enjoyed this light read, learned a little and was reminded about a lot of parenting tools that I already had in my parenting arsenal. It reminded me of what it's like to be a teen -- how they feel, think etc and helped me to put some of my feelings/reactions into perspective (like not to feel hurt or put out when my teen wants/needs time to himself and doesn't necessarily want to hang with dear old mom). Deep down I knew that but a little reminder was needed.

The notion of Chapman's five love languages is an interesting concept. As I read the book I started to look at my kids differently. Each of my kids have different 'love languages' so I tried, over the past few weeks, to figure out how to reach each them with their unique love languages. Boy 1 is not one for hugs (never has been). To reach him I had to stop using so much Physical Love (one of my main love languages) -- hugs, hair ruffling, kisses on the cheek -- and start using Words of Affirmation to get through to him. He responded to me better and you know what? He's actually become more OK with my occasional hugs. Who knew, right?

Now Boy 2 is a different ball of wax all together. Boy 2 truly speaks the love language of Physical Touch with his love of snuggling, hugging 'just cuz' and how he likes to sit close to Brad and I even while just watching TV. It's always been easy for Boy 2 and I to show love because we kind of come from the same love language page, so to speak.

Missy Moo's love language is definitely Quality Time. She adores having Brad or I to herself for some one-on-one time. Three different kids, three different ways to show them that I love them. So, by not showing each of my kids love using their own love language I may not have been imparting my love clearly to them. That was an 'a-ha' moment for me. Ultimately, by focusing on what my kids need/want from me I do feel that we have had a much calmer household over the past few weeks.

Throughout the book Chapman clearly describes the mindset of teens, how they may be feeling and what they need in order to feel loved during a very emotional and stressful age. He uses a fairly strong Christian base to his teachings with several Biblical/Christian references being made throughout the book. A couple of times it almost took on a preachy vibe but overall I don't think non-Christians will mind the references.

Is this the most concise parenting book I’ve read? No. I did find the book overly long for the amount of information that was provided and feel it could have been cut down quite a bit without losing the information given. And while there is good information provided, many of the parenting techniques aren't anything new but can be used to remind parents of things that they knew all along but needed a refresher in.

One of the 'refreshers' that I needed was quite simple but made me do a mental forehead smack when I read it.

You can't parent a teen the same way you parented them when they were a child.

The rules change. The boy who did as he was told as a child is now arguing and pushing boundaries at every turn because he wants to become his own person. Pushing away from Mom and Dad is what's supposed to happen as teens learn to 'go it alone' more and more without Mom and Dad hovering over them to ensure that nothing bad happens. That said, rules and boundaries are just as important now as they were when he was younger.

Rules, consequences and boundaries must be set in advance and be clear and consistent so everyone knows what's expected and what will happen if boundaries are crossed. This involves a lot of communication and respect all around. I liked the fact that this book doesn't sugar coat things and encourages parents to allow their kids to feel the consequences of their actions. Mom and Dad don't need to ride in on a white horse to save the day if Junior's decision ends badly. The teens, after making their own decisions, have to face the consequences, good or bad, just as they will when they're adults.

I take away from this book a few new tidbits of parenting wisdom to make my parenting arsenal that much stronger. Encouraging independence is something that Brad and I have always done with our kids but as Boy 1 begins to push farther than my comfort zone is comfortable with I can look back at this book and realize that it's OK for me to let go of the reigns (just a little). Allow him to stumble, make decisions (even when I don't agree) and begin to pull away from Brad and I to become his own person. Hard to do but oh so necessary because in the end creating independent, self-sufficient, caring and compassionate adults who know they are loved is the end result of parenting.


My Rating: 3.5/5 stars
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on June 12, 2016
This book explores the world in which teenagers live. Explains the developmental changes, and give tools to help you identify and appropriately communicate in your teens love language. Get practical tips on loving your teen effectively and explore key issues in your teen’s life including anger and independence. Finally learn how to set boundaries that are enforced with discipline and consequences, and discover useful ways for the difficult task of loving when your teen fails. Do you know your teenagers love language?

My son and I are working on our relationship and this book is giving me a very helpful edge. This book is very insightful and amazing. I am already noticing a marked difference. We have hit the "teen years" early. With this book in hand I am not as scared I guess you can say. I have noticed as as my son is starting to enter teenager land our interactions are not always the greatest. Which in all honesty makes me feel not the greatest, i can only imagine how that makes him feel, Which if you are here also then you must be in a similar boat. I recommend this book to every parent that wants a better relationship with their teen. I recommend this book to anyone with teenagers or pre-teens. Be ready before they turn into a teen. Of course your parenting style will change as your child grows, but sometimes there is a barrier between child and parent. This book helps you with those barriers. Knowing your child's love language helps open the doors of communication, gets rid of frustrations on both child and parent. What translates to love for a child may not be the same thing as a parent. An example may be affection can be "love language" to the parent, but the teenager may prefer positive encouragement or affirmations versus hugs and kisses. I think it's a great way to bridge the gap and love on your teenagers. Teenagers can be difficult, and I am so thankful for this book and Dr. Chapman for writing it.

Thank to Moody Publishers for sending me a review copy in exchange for my honest review.
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on June 29, 2016
The 5 Love Languages of Teenagers by Gary Chapman is a book for parents, teachers, mentors, administrators, counselors, and more. Chapman describes in detail how to identify the love language of teenagers. The main audience of this book is parents. I believe that all individuals connected to teenagers can benefit from reading this book. Gary Chapman identifies 5 ways of showing love to teenagers. He starts with words of affirmation and emphasizes how important it is to speak encouraging words to your teen. He then goes on to describe physical touch, quality time, acts of service, and gifts. Not only does Chapman describe the languages, he also discusses the appropriate times or inappropriate time with the use of real-life scenerios. Gary Chapman supports his reasoning with the use of research, his experience as a family counselor, and Biblical text.

I truly enjoyed this book not only from the perspective of a parent but also a teacher and mentor. It was is a very easy read but will take some time to read. I don’t normally care for non-fiction books, but this one is amazing. This book kept my attention and I didn’t want to put it down. Gary Chapman wrote in a very loving tone and also caused me to reflect on my relationship with my pre-teen.

Also, Chapman on repeats or emphasized those areas that he wants parents to really focus. This is a handbook to be utilized often. I would recommend that individuals put aside their set way of thinking and open their mind to this great resource.

Overall, I enjoyed reading this book. I selected it to review because I wanted to understand my son’s stages of develop and why he responds different now that he is almost a teenager. This book answered many questions for me.

I gave the book 5/5 stars, and I would recommend it to all individuals that interact with teenagers. You will not be disappointed.

*I received a free copy of this book from Moody Publishers in exchange for an honest review.
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on August 20, 2010
I've discovered another great resource on parenting teens!

As I read about each of the five love languages, I didn't feel that I knew my kiddos very well. I saw bits and pieces of my kiddos in each of the languages described. As I continued reading, the author gave instruction on how to discover a child's main love language. I think my son leans most toward "Physical Touch" and my daughter more toward "Gifts", although I see a hint of "Words of Affirmation", "Quality Time" and "Acts of Service" with each of them. I'm definitely going to pay more attention to discover how I can more effectively parent these two blessings God has given me.

This book also covers other parenting topics:

Anger - It's a problem in our house, that I've unfortunately passed down to one of my children. I look forward to implementing the guidelines for "breaking destructive patterns" and "forging constructive paths" with my family.

Failure - Every child fails, just as every adult fails, at some point in their lives. Parents need to know how to love their child even when he or she fails.

Single Parents and Blended Families - I am fortunate to be married to my children's father. I know many children are in single parent homes or blended families and there are more challenges to be faced.

I recommend this book to anyone with teenagers or pre-teens. Be ready before they turn into a teen. It comes quickly and before you're ready!

Thank to Moody Publishers for sending me a review copy in exchange for my honest review.

You may visit [...] to read my review in full.
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on April 21, 2016
This is a great book to read if you have a teenager or pre-teen since those hormones and tendencies are already there. My teenager had to do a class that included this book and was able to articulate their love languages. I read this book and understand better now what translates to love for a child may not be the same thing as a parent, especially priority-wise. Example - Affection may be love language to the parent, but the teenager may prefer positive encouragement or affirmations versus hugs and pats. I think it's a great way to bridge the gap and love on your teenagers. Teenagers can be difficult, as I know personally, but they especially need to be loved on by their families in the ways they will accept it (read the book) since they are going through tremendous growth, hormone bursts, self-esteem and identity issues and more to get them through it.

This book is an easy read and well worth it if you are looking to better communicate and bond with your teenager, making sure their needs are met. You can also share your needs with them as well so they understand and respect that, i.e. if a parent has a tendency to want to hug and the teen isn't overly fond of it, there can be a compromise between them. :)
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on January 16, 2017
Great read
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on August 13, 2017
Great read if you have teens
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on March 16, 2017
A must read for anyone involved with teens.
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