Top critical review
2.0 out of 5 starsMystical, Magic, Powers ??????
Reviewed in the United States on April 22, 2010
After reading the tumultuous reviews about this shirt, I almost had no choice but to get one. Imagine my excitement as I opened the plain brown box; knowing that soon I would be able to harness the power of the universe. My heartbeat hastened at the thought of the power I would soon have at my fingertips. Thoughts of women flocking to me from miles around danced joyfully in my optimistic mind. I knew I couldn't wait. I had to put it on right away.
After putting on the shirt for the first time, I admit, I felt my trousers getting a little tighter. Sheer excitement of the things to come made it almost unbearable to adorn. Although it was late, I wanted to visit the hot neighbor down the street to test the prowess of my newfound glory. I opted, instead, to try it on my household first- less risk of police involvement.
Imagine my surprise when my 6 year old daughter, after gazing upon the awesomeness, described me as looking "douchey". After asking where she heard that word and sending her to her room, I sought a second opinion. My wife, after she was able to stop laughing at me, began to chastise me for spending the money on what she said looked like, "something Hank Hill would wear if he suffered a massive head injury and went blind." 0-2 so far, but my optimism remained.
The next morning I stopped to put gas in my 1978 4X4 Chevy. As I sauntered up to the counter, I noticed a very attractive young woman waiting in line. When I arrived behind her in line, I thought to myself, "Time to test the powers in the real world!" My only question was how bold I needed to be in order to get a true reading on the test. My philosophy is to go all the way.
I reached out and gave her firm behind a light slap. When she turned around, I nodded towards the Three Wolf Moon, smiled a little, and gave her a wink.
A few hours later I regained consciousness and was told by the clerk that the attractive women had intended to slap me, but instead cold-cocked me and then proceeded to kick me about the head, neck, and chest, once I was down. My body now ached, and I was late for work. 0-3 so far.
When I arrived at work, I couldn't wait to see if the first three encounter were just flukes. I am lucky enough to work with several stunningly gorgeous women who, ordinarily, only make polite conversation with me. I was eager to see if one, or even all of them, could resist the draw of the shirt.
I decided to play it cool this time; downplaying what was obviously going through my head. The first of the hotties I encountered in the hallway. We'll call her "Moomster". I gingerly walked up to her while she was chatting up another hottie (who we'll call C-bag) and engaged in their conversation.
They looked at me. Then looked at each other. Then back at me. Then back at each other. Surely they were figuring out how to posture themselves to be sure that they were the first to experience the wonderment that I now embodied. Desire is all that I could see in their eyes as inched closer and closer. That's when it happened.....
They into boisterous laughter while saying things like, " I can't believe you actually wore it" and something I couldn't quite make out about being mentally retarded. For the first time, I began to doubt the 1800+ reviews I had read about this shirt and decided I had to make one last- ditch effort. I'm 0-5, now by the way.
I collected my thoughts for a few hours and wandered down to the remaining to hotties that regularly occupy my personal spank bank. Let's call them, Teth and Bara. As I perched myself triumphantly upon Teth's desk, she wouldn't even pry her eyes away from her work. My doubt for the powers grew. I tried again and again to gain her attention with no luck. Finally, I had to ask her to look at my shirt. She and Bara looked at me in unison. For a breif moment, I thought there was going to be cat fight over who would claim their noble steed first. That moment, however, didn't last as I was again met with comments of, "You actually wore that?" and yet another comment about Hank Hill. I'm now 0-7.
I can't help but think that the majority of the reviews that I've read on here are somewhat farcical, if not flat out lies. Since donning this shirt I've been insulted, beaten up (by a chick), made late for work (by the aforementioned butt kicking), and haven't gotten as much as a second glance. Perhaps I'm aiming too high and these particular women have immunity to the mystical powers. My next target will be the local trailer park/ Wal-Mart (pretty much the same place in my town) to hopefully find women with less discriminating tastes.
