Top critical review
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Not A Must Read For Every Adoptive Parent
on January 19, 2006
Many of the situations and examples in this book are so different from our adoption scenario that I had to really dig in to find a few pieces that spoke to me.
The book spends a lot of time encouraging infertile couples to be sure they have worked through the loss of the biological child they will never have. Infertility is not something we have dealt with. We have just always wanted to adopt and have no expectations or fantasies of biological children, so I didn't find these sections helpful.
There is also quite a bit of discussion about children who are adopted older and have more than a few months life experience without a family. Again, not our situation. We are adopting an infant. Not that we expect a perfectly healthy, perfectly well-behaved child with no emotional or developmental issues, but the situations described seemed like they would be far more likely to occur in the older adopted child.
Then there is the discussion of pre-adoption counseling with the birthmother in an open adoption, and acknowledging the birthmother's position. Well, our adoption is international - not open, no knowledge of the birthparents.
For people in these types of adoption, this is probably a great book. But overall, the book tries to do too much, lumping all types of adoption, and the different challenges in each, into one book. There are a handful of points that are probably applicable to most any adoption, particularly the part about society's expectations of adoptive families, which is why I gave two stars and not one.
The few guidance pieces are also more cognitive than task-oriented, so depending on how you learn and internalize things, that may or may not be helpful. I would find task-oriented exercises, and offerings of concrete suggestions, more helpful and informative.